Can I just not prioritise or is something else going on?

Hi Everyone,

I am lost at the moment and I am hoping someone can help me out. I am struggling to keep up with life for a while and I feel like the life I want to live is falling apart and getting out of my reach.

So firstly, my job I love it but i don't know how to keep it. I am trying to get young people aged 17-24 who have been on benefits most of their life to work in a conservation job with free training. I only have 2 people left and if I don't get more people the whole project will shut down and I will have to relocate again. I don't know what I am doing wrong anymore. I want to complete this project but regulations and lack of people involved are preventing me from doing so . I don't know if I have brought this all on myself.

Also, now we come to the fact that my house is a mess and it's been looking real messy for a while now. Although I seem to keep up with the washing everyone in a while. My yard hasnt beenowed either much and am sure Im going to get evicted soon if I dont get it sorted.

Than you have my physical health.. I am vegetarian and live in a small country and I'm not as organised as I want to be. I am supposed to be cooking at home every night or twice a day on weekends but that is not happening enough right now. On top of this even though my work is semi active (running around all the time) doing week control walking back and forth across town I have not done the exercises I am supposed to do am now really weak/unfit although I am not heavy. I'm I guess it is like that skinnyfat thing people talk about but dont think it is healthy.

Then onto the fact that I never seem to have time for my hobbies and when I do I constantly feel like I am dostracting myself when I should be working/cleaning the house/whatever. Sometimes my hobbies don't even excite me anymore as I haven't done them properly in so long. It doesnt help that a few involve going outside and since there is no public land here you cant really go hiking, camping etc. Without trespassing on someones land.

Then to relationships. I feel like I talk too much to my parents and by now since I am getting closer to 30 I shouuld be living my own life not talking to them so much. Clearly the move 2000kms away hasn't helped much... I used to talk to people in other places i used to know and keep on saying to send them card but I never get around to it. Some people I haven't replied emails to in months! Does that make me lousy at communicating/connecting with people? I don't connect on social media except for LinkedIn sometimes because my pla was to always have a better connection with people via email, phone call, text message etc but it is getting hard for me to do it now. O don't know why I haven't used facebook to make friends/keep in contact in 3 years!

Now I am also in a long distance relationship ship with someone which scares me I will break their heart. I feel like they love me so much more than i love them but I don't know if that is worry/anxiety or i should just break it off and they will feel better. We have been on 2 real dates i guess.

Then onto sexual health and I have not been able to stretch myself and always feel guilty for looking at porn hence I try and chat to people on the apps because I think thats better somehow? I also have phimosis and I struggle to remember/organise my life to keep up with stretching.

Also, I seem to always talk too much when I first meet people and freak them out. Especially with people who I look good even though are completely straight. I also feel like I talk too much about sensitive work topics that I shouldn't be telling anyone. I just say and answer someones questions fully just to have something to say...

I am sure there is something else going but that'll do for now. Apologies for the length of the post and hope I haven't put something up on here that isn't allowed. If so I am happy to be blocked as required. I just needed to get this all outas it has been going around my head for a number of hours. Maybe I need to get a diary? I don't know what will work with me right now.

Thanks for reading this far if you have.
Cheers

 

Hi All,
I'll bump this and I guess the update now is despite my intentions my job has fallen apart ie. Project suspended until further notice. Apologies for all the spelling mistakes hope some of you can understand it all. Ok I think some sentences in the post will be completely unclear now I have read it so feel free to question.

I know it is a lot of ramblings too... just would be good to get others thoughts.

Take care everyone!