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Anxiety

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by CJ1979, Dec 21, 2016.

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  1. CJ1979

    CJ1979
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    Hi guys,
    Long story for you, but I'm suffering from some pretty intense anxiety at the moment and just reaching out to put my mind at ease.
    I'm a married guy with kids. Last month I dabbled in a little bi and had oral sex on two occasions with two different guys (no exchanges of fluids) and early this month I had a meet up and had intercourse with a guy (with protection - condom and lube) Only exchange of fluid was some of his cum went on me, but I do not have any cuts or wounds on my body and I showered straight afterwards.
    Anyway, long story short, last week I got a sore throat and of course being an idiot I googled things and now I'm stressed out. (Dr Google sucks) (I'd also add that a couple of family members have a cold too)
    I've now also got some digestive issues that I won't go into, but I'm 99% certain that is from anxiety as I'm constantly thinking about it and having anxiety issues like chest tightness and hot flushes.

    I still had the contact details of the person I slept with so I contacted them and they said we were safe and that he is always safe.

    Logic tells me that I have a cold and to move on, but you know how the mind works!

    Just reaching out for some feedback guys, really appreciate it. I don't have anyone to talk to as I'm not out.

    CJ
     
    #1 CJ1979, Dec 21, 2016
  2. pd04

    pd04
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    It sounds like a cold, if you're really concerned about it perhaps you would benefit from seeing a Dr.
     
    #2 pd04, Dec 21, 2016
  3. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Hey CJ1979,

    It does sound like you have a cold and quite possibly some symptoms related to guilt for cheating on your wife. But, if you are truly concerned, then, stating the obvious, you should get checked out at a local clinic for STIs.

    Just some thoughts.
     
    #3 Quantumreality, Dec 21, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2016
  4. CJ1979

    CJ1979
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    Thanks for that guys, 100% I am feeling guilt, hence the anxiety.
    Obviously I keep looking at HIV symptoms which the only thing I have is a sore throat, and yes I know it is ridiculous that I am doing that, but yep I'm an idiot :slight_smile:

    Besides the sore throat (which only lasted a day then moved to a slightly blocked nose) I don't have anything else besides the digestive issues which as I said think are stress related, I've been cutting myself up pretty hard over it. If I had anything serious I'd go straight to a doc for sure, not looking for medical advice here :slight_smile:

    Its I wanted to be able to talk to people, talking helps :slight_smile:
     
    #4 CJ1979, Dec 21, 2016
  5. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Oh, CJ1979, if you were worried about HIV, then I'd say forget it. Incidences of contracting HIV through oral sex are almost non-existent and would basically require that you had cuts in your mouth or bleeding gums while not using a condom.

    There are other STIs that are much more readily communicable than HVI, but nothing you described in your post sounds like more than a cold - but I'm not a medical doctor.

    To be safe, of course, you should always use a condom, if you feel it necessary to have sexual contact with anyone other than your wife - you owe to her, as well as yourself, don't you think?
     
    #5 Quantumreality, Dec 21, 2016
  6. CJ1979

    CJ1979
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    Thanks Quantum,
    Yep agreed I do owe it to my wife, it was curiosity which has now been forfilled and now I just have to deal with the guilt. The situation I am now confirms I won't be cheating again, I was selfish and only cared about my curiosity.
    Thanks for the HIV comment, although you did see I had intercourse (protected with condom) and got some of his cum on me when he ejeaculated? Sorry to go into details, but it just keeps going thorugh my head.

    Appreciate the chat.
     
    #6 CJ1979, Dec 21, 2016
  7. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Yes, I did read what you said about protected intercourse, CJ1979. But HIV requires blood-to-blood contact. So unless he came inside you, which you didn't indicate, that isn't an issue. The oral issue would be very slightly more significant in that if you had cuts for bleeding gums and you had even his pre-cum in your mouth for a period of time (you could actually have taken his cum into your mouth as long as you swallowed or very quickly spit it out and rinsed) without a significant risk. And, of course, that assumes that either of those guys happened to have been HIV positive.

    Look, dude, I'm not the moral police. I'm not judging. I'm just trying to offer practical advice and the only reason I mentioned guilt was that some of your 'symptoms' certainly could be related to that.
     
    #7 Quantumreality, Dec 21, 2016
  8. CJ1979

    CJ1979
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    No mate, all good!
    Very happy with your help here :slight_smile:

    I know very little so appreciate the feedback to help me get through this and move forward.

    In both cases of oral, the guy came after oral by self masturbation and I did not come into contact with the cum.

    Again mate, I really appreciate the comments, I know I'm dealing with guilt and really appreciate the other feedback too, I'm really helping put my mind at ease.

    Thankyou
     
    #8 CJ1979, Dec 21, 2016
  9. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    #9 Quantumreality, Dec 21, 2016
  10. Chip

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    From what you describe, the likelihood of HIV is very, very close to zero. The likelihood you got some minor bacterial bug (either from one of the guys or from anybody else you came in contact with) is probably about 99.9999% It's always sensible to get tested to be sure, but you have pretty much nothing to worry about.

    You do owe it to your wife to be authentic with her. And... in spite of what you said, I suspect you also owe it to yourself to give some real thought to what this all means for you... generally speaking, guys who are totally straight don't feel the need to experiment with other guys. So if there is some attraction to guys, strong enough that you felt the need to act out on it without telling your wife... you probably also owe it to you, and to your wife, to not just file it away, but to give serious consideration to what it means.

    We've had quite a few people on EC who have convinced themselves they were "just testing the waters" or "just had a question" or "it would go away" and... 5 or 10 or 20 years later, they were really, really unhappy, and had a bigger mess than if they'd dealt with it at the time.

    Of course, I'm not in your head, so I don't know what's going on, and it's quite possible I'm 100% wrong here. But if any of this resonates... please think about it... and perhaps talk about it more here.

    I hope this helps!
     
    #10 Chip, Dec 22, 2016
  11. smurf

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    I'm not being a negative nancy, but this actually will be harder than you think. Maybe not for a few months or maybe even year, but we are talking about you not giving into your urges for the rest of your life...you are human after all.

    That being said, I would highly suggest you brush up on your safer sex processes so if this happens again then you can navigate yourself easier.

    For example:

    - If you have to have some outlet, then try to stick to body contact and mutual jack off.
    - Have the conversation about STI and HIV before you play together. Ask things like "When was the last time you got tested" Ask them where they get tested and how much it is for them. It helps to see if people actually did get tested.
    - Try to not engage in penetrative sex. You can have as much fun doing other things that are far less serious
    - When was the last time that you got a full STI test? Go get one
     
    #11 smurf, Dec 22, 2016
  12. CJ1979

    CJ1979
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    Thanks everyone for the feedback.
    I know I have some issues to sort through and I thank everyone for there advice, its really helpful to have this channel to talk it out.

    I'm still a little out of it, but the chat and advice both sexual and physiological is very much appreciated. I'm working through telling my brain there is nothing wrong with me health wise (this is more difficult then I thought it would be), the next step is to work out what is going on in my life and how to work forward.


    Thanks again everyone.
     
    #12 CJ1979, Dec 22, 2016
  13. CJ1979

    CJ1979
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    ahhhgg, still got this cold, I think the Anxiety is dragging it on. Just sniffles and a cough but it plays with my mind.

    I was starting to get on top the anxiety to the point that my digestive system was almost back on track, but I've hit another low again. Why can't my mind compute logic!

    I think kicking this cold will help put me on track.

    Sorry to babble, I've got no one else to talk to about it :-(

    Hope you all have a great Christmas and thanks again for your help.
     
    #13 CJ1979, Dec 23, 2016
  14. Chip

    Chip
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    The cold can definitely have an impact on your mood. I hope that you get over it quickly. Once you're feeling better... the anxiety should decrease.
     
    #14 Chip, Dec 24, 2016
  15. smurf

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    If the anxiety over this is hitting you this hard, why don't you go get tested?

    Find a clinic that will do a free 15-minute test. If its negative, then there you go! And every single time you have anxiety over it while you have the cold, just pull out the paper that says that you are in fact negative
     
    #15 smurf, Dec 24, 2016
  16. CJ1979

    CJ1979
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    I would be keen to do this, but does it work when I had the last encounter just on a month ago? Do I need to wait longer?
     
    #16 CJ1979, Dec 24, 2016
  17. smurf

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    Normally, yes. For this you are fine.

    The test rapid-test works by testing for a specific antibody that is only present once your body is infected with HIV. If, theoretically, you are showing symptoms (like the symptoms you are worried about in this thread) then the test would come back positive.

    So in essence the rapid HIV test will prove that the flu-like symptoms that you have right now are because you have the flu and not HIV. Then you can get tested in another 3 months if you want.

    There are also more expensive tests that you can get done at the hospital. The test looks for the actual virus so you don't have to wait that long.

    But for now, a rapid-HIV test will work. It will give you prove that the symptoms that you have right now are not because you have HIV.

    Its also free at most health clinics or LGBT centers, takes 15 minutes, and you get peace of mind!

    ---------- Post added 24th Dec 2016 at 01:46 PM ----------

    Oh, I forgot to mention!

    If you are afraid of going to a health clinic or LGBT center, they now sell rapid-HIV tests at most pharmacist! You can literally buy a 40 something test, do it in the car, and you are set.

    ---------- Post added 24th Dec 2016 at 01:47 PM ----------

    https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/oraquick-in-home-hiv-test/ID=prod6118162-product

    That's the one :slight_smile:
     
    #17 smurf, Dec 24, 2016
  18. CJ1979

    CJ1979
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    Thanks for that Smurf, its not as readily available here in Australia :-(
    I will go to a clinic if I can't kick this anxiety, obviously most places are closed due the holidays.
    All I've got left of this cold is a little build up in my throat and nose, but it seems to subsiding so its making me feel better about everything.
    As I said, logically I have a cold, but I think the demons in my head have blown this situation out of the water (I'm sure there are people following this post shaking there heads) In my mind I sum it up that I have guilt and stress, all I had was a minor sore throat, some congestion and a very minor cough. (not flu symptoms - no fever, no headaches, no aches) Anxiety also lead to digestive issues :-(

    Thanks again for everyones advice

    Hope everyone had a great Christmas!
     
    #18 CJ1979, Dec 25, 2016
  19. Creativemind

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    Did you get tested? You should probably do that.

    You should also be honest to your wife about what you did. Even if you fear her reacting badly, it wouldn't be right to pass STI's to her without any knowledge.
     
    #19 Creativemind, Dec 25, 2016
  20. smurf

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    Calm down.

    First you take care of someone when they have anxiety. You don't add to it or start conversations about what should, should not happen alter on
     
    #20 smurf, Dec 27, 2016
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