Can I find a girlfriend if I don't like penetration?

Hey Creativemind,

I can't answer you as a lesbian, since I'm not one. obviously. But, as a Bi guy, I can tell you that what you describe seems just fine. Not all male-to-male relationships desire/are comfortable with anal sex. And not all male-to-female relationships desire/are comfortable with vaginal sex (although it's a smaller percentage - from my experience - than any male-to-male anal sex issue). So, I don't see why female-to-female vaginal penetration issues would be a problem.

Clearly, it depends on both partners, but the idea certainly doesn't seem either extreme nor unworkable in a long-term relationship.

I've gotta say that the main requirement in any serious long-term relationship is always open, constant communication about what each partner is comfortable with. Whether that is sex or just simple, day-to-day living issues. Only with everything upfront is a real, long-term relationship possible.

Just my 2cents.

 

When I was with my previous girlfriend, she never penetrated me. We didn't use a strap on and she never really inserted her fingers because at the time it was too painful. She's a lesbian and she had no problem with it because we did everything else that you mentioned. I think penetration is of the least importance when it comes to lesbian sex. Everything else you mentioned is way more fun than penetration. I think you will definitely be fine

 

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me.

 

I also don't much like the idea of being penetrated, so certainly not a dealbreaker for me. I think there's a lot of lesbians who feel the same way.

 

I know I have the wrong parts, but I'm not keen on penetrating a partner, so penetration being off the table completely would be just fine for me.

 

I think you definitely can find a girlfriend. I don't like penetration either. Not a deal breaker there.

 

Not a dealbreaker.

If a girl TRULY likes and cares about u, she will respect and do the things that you are comfortable with and that you enjoy. It would never cross my mind to force a partner to do things otherwise.

Be open and honest with your partners and you will find a good, caring, loving woman

 

Thank you everyone, the comments are very reassuring. I am wondering the same thing as Creativemind. I have no experience yet with lesbian sex, am just embracing and exploring my truth, but I can say I absolutely hate penetration and have wondered the same thing. I tend to agree that if your partner truly cares for you that they will understand and be considerate of your likes and dislikes

 

Creativemind

I am a Lesbian and I have been with my girlfriend since I was 14 years old. I will be turning 18 in July. Our relationship and sex life in wonderful and we never penetrate each other with toys as we tried a strap on once on each other about a year ago and did not like it. The only penetration that we engage in is fingering each other on occasion. There is definitely no reason why you cannot find a girlfriend that satisfies each other by Oral Sex, Clit Stimulation(Rubbing), Breast Play, Tribbing, and just Passionate Kissing. There are girls out there.

 

Everyone has different experiences and different likes and dislikes. I have never climaxed through penetration so it doesn't really appeal to me. And I have never used toys.

I guess nowadays I would read as a stone butch even though I myself identify as agender and asexual. If I were to have a girlfriend at some point in the future I would like to please her and would be happy with whatever she was comfortable with.

 

Trans guy. I actually would really like to engage in penetration as the giver, so if a gal wasn't into it, I'd feel a little odd about it. That's just my honest answer.

Lesbians are different from trans guys, though, ad we're not all the same at all. I 1000% think you can find someone who'd be 100000% cool with it.

 

Makes sense. Watching the MtF youtuber Chloe Arden totally changed my opinion of trans girls though. She's hot.

---------- Post added 19th Apr 2017 at 12:46 PM ----------

I'm a virgin so take this with a grain of salt, but even masturbating i don't care for penetration. It doesn't really do anything for me. I think dating a girl who wanted to give it (in one form or another) wouldn't be a total dealbreaker if it were from time to time. I prefer to just leave it alone though, and i've never even bought penetration sex toys so idk what i'd think about those. So i guess i'm open to trying stuff, but in general i don't care for penetration so being with a girl who thinks similarly...i'd totally be open to it.

 

hey creativemind,

my partner and i have been dating for 4 years now, and for 3 1/2 of them i explained that i didn't wish to be penetrated in any way. for me, it was a combination of past trauma relating to penetration and also... it didn't feel good when we had tried!

if you're with somebody and they really like a particular act that you don't like (of any kind, even if your list changes when you're with them/her) it's a good idea to focus on them and how much they like it! sticking to the positives is way easier than saying "oh sorry i don't like this thing you do" - it also cuts down on awkwardness. it's good to just be honest why you don't like it.

eventually, my partner and i tried again and with the months of space and thinking about my gender identity, i really liked it and surprised myself! but you are under NO obligation to like it or have to like it for anyone. it would suck if the person only wanted to have sex with you so they could penetrate you. they should be getting more creative and accommodating to what you'd like!

hopefully you find someone compatible

 

Hey Creativemind,

I feel compelled to follow-up.

You said that you might be open to fingering, but seem reluctant. I feel exactly the same way about bottoming from a male-male perspective.

I would only say that where your ultimate comfort level lies is up to you. Only do as much or as little as you are comfortable with. If your partner is unhappy with limitations, that's her problem.

The way that I approach things, I am all about mutual satisfaction and I'm more focused on my partner's satisfaction. If my partner doesn't return the 'courtesy', then he's probably not good for me.

I've said before here on EC that I'm pretty much exclusively a Top. I'll equate that for purposes of our discussion to the idea that you don't like to be vaginally penetrated. For me, it would take the 'right' guy (and probably a long-term relationship with him) to convince me to even try to bottom. In your case, I totally understand and can tell you that you can DEFINITELY have a wonderful relationship with a partner without vaginal penetration. But, perhaps, you might consider, over time and with the 'right' person 'going further.'

May I ask as really ignorant question from the male standpoint? How do you orgasm without vaginal penetration? I mean, I know that the key for my gfs is stimulation of the clitoris, but isn't vaginal penetration a key part of that? Or is the "G" spot several inches inside the vagina a total myth?

 

hey again! that's totally understandable - it not turning you on, either. i'm asexual, so sometimes i'll do things (that i'm totally comfortable with - that's important) to my partner that don't necessarily "turn me on" but i like doing because it's intimate and i feel like we're connecting at this different, very physical level.

good luck!!!