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Being Intimate After Trauma?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by AquaponicLady, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. AquaponicLady

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    So I'm new here, and I have kind of a pressing issue. I'm not super sure on all the rules of this forum so someone please let me know if I'm breaking any of them.

    I was just invited to have a threesum with one of my close friends and her girlfriend. I'm totally down and I'm honestly excited. It's just that the last time I was intimate with someone was with my ex, and it was really unpleasant. I don't want to give any gory details but bottom line is she was really abusive and I was too terrified to tell her she was hurting me or to stop.

    I haven't told any of my friends about what happened with my ex, so this girl had no idea and I feel like it would be super weird to bring it up now. I'm really nervous to get intimate with someone again, does anyone have any advice?
     
  2. Really

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    I'm sorry you went through that. It sounds awful.

    Are you sure you're ready for something like this? Have you or they done it before?

    I don't know anything about a threesome but I imagine there must be some conversation beforehand about what everybody likes. Yes? I think you'd want to have some sort of discussion so you'll know what they imagine is going to happen and you can decide if it's something you'll enjoy. If it includes activities that might upset you, I'd pass for the time being.
     
  3. bunnydee

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    A threesome with a close friend can cause friendship issues afterwards. You should be prepared for losing the friendship beforehand. Just a little guidance from been there, done that.

    As for the issue of previous experience, I would suggest talking to your friend or both of them and coming up with a safe word. So if anything gets uncomfortable, anyone can use the safe word and know to stop and change it up.
     
  4. annabel88

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    I have to echo some of what had already been said. Before entering into a threesome everyone involved needs to know the expectations and the boundaries of what is going to happen and what is not going to happen. I agree that it is always a good idea to have a safe word, it is sort of an escape plan if you want to think of it that way. Since it is a friend then I think she would understand. I know it always seems awkward bringing it up but it is definitely a healthy approach. Also, as was said, make sure that you and your friend's relationship will not be damaged by this. Friends being in threesomes does not automatically guarantee the ending of the friendship. It could even strengthen it. Just think on it to make sure it is something you want.
     
  5. beenthrdonetht

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    Just tell 'em. If they're the right sort of people, they'll be delighted to give you the treatment and thoughtfulness you deserve. I.e. if they're into making love in the proper sense.

    I'd have a little more nuanced answer but the previous respondents said it the right way already. Good luck!