I have been with my partner for 2 years now and I am now trying to seek out advice about how to "top" better. Both of us are versatile. However, my partner ends up topping far more frequently because I have very little issue with pain. Sometimes it can be frustrating because there will be times I absolutely do not want to receive but I do it anyway because I am frightened I will hurt him. On multiple occasions I have done something wrong or he did not tell me when it was hurting and he ended up in pain for several days. It seriously is a horrifying feeling when your loved one is in pain from sex... and knowing that pain is all my fault. My partner is 5"x3" inches and it feels good in any position with no pain. I am 7"x6", and even though I have never really thought that was unreasonably sized, it is girth that can seriously cause him pain. I have never received from a partner that was ever much over 5" to begin with. We use good lubrication. We have foreplay. I start very slow. I have found that taking two or three minutes to enter while wiggling it the same way a dentist wiggles a Novocaine shot (of your dentist doesn't do that, they should!) I stop immediately if I sense he is in pain and that becomes far too frequent. He can achieve basically any angle, any speed and I am fine. I am basically limited to two positions: doggy-style which I find grossly unromantic and with my partner on his back with his legs held up. In order for him to be comfortable he needs to have his legs spread as far as possible which can make the whole process awkward. I have tried so many other positions to no avail... I have tried going painstakingly slow, going in only halfway, I just don't get it. He is not the first partner I have had issues with; out of the five partners i have had, three of them bled and that was basically the end of that. My current partner, thank God, had never bled. What am I don't wrong? Am I even doing anything wrong? I really just am desperate for any position where i can just hug him as tightly as I can during sex (like with both of us on our sides or having him flat on his stomach) but the angle just doesn't work, I guess. Ugh. It's been a problem for me for a long while now and I really want to resolve it. He is satisfied with those two positions but it's starting to get wicked boring and the moment I hurt him it is an immediate turn-off, I will become flaccid and I lose the desire to go any further. Does anyone have diagrams of how to enter or showing different penis shapes and sizes and how it impacts people internally? Hope this was not excessively long... anything helps. Thank you all.
I would suggest using butt plugs. Purchase a kit of plugs in increasing sizes. Start with smallest and get him used to the girth of it. Then go to next size up and so on until you reach a similar size to you. By slowly introducing increasing sizes you can get his sphincter to gradually open up for you. I have also seen a desensitizing lube called Anal-Eze. I haven't used it myself but it has a numbing agent in it that can help ease the pain. I'm sure there are other brands on the market, but it's one I've heard of. Good luck! ride:
I think that it's best to be cautious about using desensitizing lube, because it can make it more difficult to detect damage. I would think that light use of desensitizing lube can be reasonably safe, but if he's "in pain for several days" then it might be too dangerous. I second the approach of using but plugs to have him work his way up though.
