So... I've been agressively dating and having sex with guys since i was twenty (now 25) and nobody has ever made me cum... nobody has ever been able to make anal feel good, on either ends. Blowjobs either hurt or don't feel like anything. I've tried every kink and fetish there is... but any kind of horniness is slowly fading... It's come so far that most of gay porn doesn't do anything for me anymore because anything they do in it, I know wouldn't feel good... so now I watch straight porn and am considering fucking girls, even though I know I like guys better... I just want to have sex be as great as it is for everyone else just for once. what do?
See a doctor. Like, as soon as you can. That sounds pretty concerning that something you're biologically built to do isn't happening. I don't know if not being able to cum is just something sexual related or could be something more serious medical-wise, but seriously get it checked
Do you cum by masturbation? Have you ever cum? if yes to either, I would say it could be the porn. Porn addiction can cause prolonged arousal without being able to cum when with people. I would suggest stop the porn and go to a doctor for a checkup to make sure it isn't either a medical issue or the porn issue.
Hi Cuir, I'm takinh the other road here. Feel free to completely refuse my theory, but I wanted to suggest it because it happened to me and I got through it and now have multiples heeheeheehee.... How is your happiness level? My theory is that when you are unhappy in a relationship, but unable to admit it or find it an impossible task to end the relationship, or are not truly attracted to partners, or are unhappy with other stuff going on in your life, or all of the above - sex doesn't work. Sometimes not as well. Sometimes not at all. My experience of this is my first girlfriend in my early 20s. I was so happy to have found another lesbian that liked me after being single for so long. I was miserable in that my parents had booted me out 2 years earlier and I had zero family, but was not yet ready to speak to my doctor. Pits of depression. But I was putting on a happy face. Anyway, I thot I found my girlf at the time sexy. Truth when I think back now? Nope, I didn't. I wanted a life and I thought that started with having a girlf. The sex was.... blah. That's the only word the describe it. Lol. I didn't ever come with her. Faked it all the time lol. When we split, I started to realise I needed help and eventually went to my doctor. Four years later I loved me a hella lot more. I had built my career and my friends. I was happy in my wee quiet single life. Then my wife came loudly bounding into my life. My feeling towards the world being completely different now, when she touched me that first time - no joke, feel free to tak the piss, i don't care - i came in literally 10 seconds flat. We laughed so hard. Then started again. Multiples are the norm now, even 6 years later Anyhow. Our bodies work differently when we are unhappy. Things that should feel good, feel less good. Sometimes they feel like nothing. Sometimes they hurt. My advice would be to be honest with yourself. If you agree that it might be your happiness / mental health like the above - have a chat to your doctor. It really does help getting some therapy / counselling. If none of the above registers with you, that's awesome, it'll be a phsyical thing. Doctors again! I hope you figure it out Hugssssss
I can cum from masturbation yes. not always as easily. but I can. I own a fleshlight to make sure I don't go all death grip. and it's great, I love that thing. Maybe I should cool it with the porn... but do I then not masturbate either or what? I've tried cooling it with the porn before but never any effects, though maybe I haven't tried it for long enough. I do feel very unhappy... and have rarely felt happy with a partner... I've definitely been in love though... but I can't recall having sex with them... On the other hand the guys I like seem to just be out of my league... I like straight acting masculine guys... the kind of guy who is bi or found out way late that he's gay. maybe even into metal. that seems to be a really fucking tall order in the gay community. also my childhood was a horrible mess... and for all my life I've had to battle deep depression, body image issues self esteem problems... to this day I still think I'm ugly and though my body image is getting better. I still can't think of myself as sexy... do I really have to get ripped before I can cum? do I really have to be perfectly at peace to get a relationship? all of this seems like my ticket to dying alone is waiting for me in the lobby... I've been in therapy for years and it's definitely going to take more years... and getting a good bod is going take fucking years too... it all sounds like by the time i'll have a good body and be happy with myself, i'll be too old and too physically unattractive to find someone anymore...
Definitely give a break on the porn. Sexual Dysfunction caused by porn addiction No, you don't need to wait until ripped or at peace to have a fulfilling sex life. Stop the porn and get out of your head. It's like meditation - you have to clear the mind and just enjoy the feelings of what's going on. If you think to much about all of that you wrote in the last paragraph, it will just prevent you from orgasm. No therapist, doctor, or anyone can help you with that part. Once the porn is under control, You just have to find a way to stop thinking and be in the moment.
You don't need to see a doctor urgently. This is very unlikely to be a medical issue. What you're experiencing is a pretty normal side-effect of depression, and can also be affected by the porn use. Additionally, if you aren't used to being in relationships and are having this difficulty with hookups, it's pretty likely a combination of the depression and nervousness that's impacting your ability to reach orgasm. I concur that giving up the porn is a great place to start. If masturbating already takes some time (more than ~5 minutes) to reach orgasm, it may take a month or more to learn to be able to masturbate without porn, but it will be a worthwhile investment. Mindfulness practices will definitely help. And as far as self-esteem, I would suggest *against* making getting ripped until you learn to love yourself, because otherwise, you'll externalize your happiness with yourself and that's going to lead you toward being obsessive about the exercise and diet. It sounds like you're already taking good steps. Talking about it here, realizing it's a problem is a big part of it. Doing what's suggested here will help. And simply being patient and compassionate to yourself will make a big difference.
Sometimes, watching porn and masturbation can become more of a routine than pleasure and this is when you lose a lot of your sexuality. I'm not sure this applies to you, but for some people, they feel like they should masturbate or have to. For example, they can feel that since they masturbate every night, they should do it this night too--it's more addiction at this point than pleasure. Try to keep masturbation to when you actually really feel horny and need the relief and try to avoid any other compulsions to do it.
This is reassuring to hear. The thread title made it sound a bit more severe. Definitely give up the porn and see how that goes. If it persists, maybe seek out a psychologist/psychiatrist (I don't really know the difference thb) and find out if there's any underlying issues that they may be able to address and help you out with
you may be on the asexual spectrum, or autosexual for example. if you see a doctor and nothing is wrong, it may something like that.
cuir I will be forthcoming to you and the Community as I say I have the same issue at times. However, I am over twice your age and am on meds known to negatively impact male sexual performance. If I have carefully read this, you have not mentioned being on any anxiety or depression meds. Is that correct? Oh add blood pressure to the list. All can cause libido loss and a change in sexual performance and function. Honestly, if you have been having issues since you were 20, I have a very hard time connecting the dots there. If you can masturbate yourself to a full-blown erection and ejaculation, then your plumbing works my man and that is good news. If you wake up with wood in the morning or during the night, again you are the man (!) There has been a lot of porn talk in this thread. Unless we have an adult film model to correct me here, what we see is not real. It can take all day to produce a 15 minute film, which is usually so smoking hot that we mere mortals are overstimulated and use that as the sexual template for our lives. Our perception is skewed by this. Google how long it takes the average male to ejaculate. AVERAGE male. It sounds like your system functions, you don't have meds interfering so it may be a feeling or thought or memory that is behind this. I would see your Primary Care Physician first and don't hold back. If that is not a good visit, let us know. Together we may be able to plan next steps.
