Sexuality is a difficult topic for me and I have a hard time talking about it, so please forgive me if this sounds weird. Masturbation disgusts me to the point where I will trigger anxiety attacks from trying to orgasm. This isn't from a religious standpoint, I just cannot stand the thought of myself doing anything sexual. The thing is, I've masturbated before successfully, even if I do feel disgust afterward. If anyone could help me, I would be very grateful. :help: Also, I should note that I am clinically diagnosed with depression, general anxiety, and a social phobia. I am taking medication as well.
Well, nothing says that you have to masturbate. My ex wouldn't do it in weeks, even months; he just didn't find it too satisfying. (Our sex life was good in both quality and frequency. He just didn't really like to masturbate.) Now, well, not liking the idea of sex, well, maybe you lean towards asexuality. That doesn't imply you aren't attracted to people... however, I can't help you there
There's nothing that says you have to masturbate. If you feel that you must, though, to satisfy any urges you're feeling, then it would be something that your body wants, but that your mind isn't entirely comfortable with going through with. I myself have had multiple instances where I have felt guilt, disgust, or awkwardness after masturbating, because I was just never sure if it was a good and natural thing to want to do. I could sometimes feel dirty, clammy, and even unable to walk properly afterwards because of how the sensitivity of my pelvis was affected. What it all comes down to though is rationalizing why you do it, why you may or may not want to do it, whether your body needs to do it, and most importantly, what specifically bothers you after you've done it. I get the feeling that the sensation of cumming may be a key aspect in what makes the whole thing uncomfortable. The multiple sensations, coupled with perhaps having no idea what to do with yourself afterwards can surely cause some anxiety. It's a tough call. But I would say don't let yourself feel pressured to do it, even when that pressure is coming from you. Some people just don't like the idea of or the sensations of sex, and you may turn out to be one of them. So if it ultimately makes you feel uncomfortable, then you may just have to stay away from it most of the time. But once in a while, maybe try it again and see if you're feelings have changed. Age and maturity can cause a lot of unseen changes, including psychological ones.
The thing is, I feel the need to, as stated by MisterMissy. None the less, my feelings persist. I don't know why I feel the way I do. I guess this is why I took so long to reply. Sex has always made me more uncomfortable than aroused. It just seems mostly unnecessary to me, and I honestly don't see what's so great about orgasming. It is just a pressure release for me. But honestly, I think my main problem is trying to imagine myself in a sexual situation (I'm a virgin). This might have something to do with my inferiority complex and general disgust with myself. Seeing random people naked doesn't do much for me. I know I'm attracted to both sexes because I have the desire to be in a relationship with them, but it isn't sexual. If I do ever have sex, I believe it will mostly be for intimacy's sake. I don't know. I'm just having a bit of a crisis right now. I just feel broken.
