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Physical & Sexual Health A forum for peer support and informal advice on matters related to physical and sexual health. This forum is not to be used as a place to obtain a diagnosis on an issue or as a replacement for professional consultations with approved medical practitioners.

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Old 17th Feb 2017, 08:36 AM   #1
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Eating Disorder Recovery and Testosterone

Hey out there
I started to recover from my bulimia in November 2016, had my first relapse a few weeks ago and am atm struggling with some strange kind of double-dysphoria. On the one side I blame myself for looking the way I do cause of course I've put on some weight, lost it again fast and put it back on even faster. Weight still means a fucking lot to me, even if I try to fight against it, it's pretty hard to accept that I've got a body and that it will always take it's space. This is when dysphoria number two kicks in. This body is not at all what I want. Before I was able to keep up the illusion of becoming skinnier and fitter but know I have to arrange myself with that 'thing' at till I start T and get top-surgery. But I'll have to wait around 3-5 years anyways so I'm stuck and got a lot of time to think. Will testosterone help me with recovery? Like when I come closer to a male body, will there be less reasons to relapse? May there are others around who are/have been struggling with an ED before/during the therapy/surgery-process. If, how did it effect you?
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Old 17th Feb 2017, 09:29 AM   #2
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Re: Eating Disorder Recovery and Testosterone

You can get closer to the body you want already. I highly reccomend you join a gym or get some dumbbells. For that you must eat a lot and maybe this will help you. I don't know how tall you are, but say you're 1,70 better aim for 70 kilo.
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Old 17th Feb 2017, 09:37 AM   #3
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Re: Eating Disorder Recovery and Testosterone

I am sure you're aware T may give you an increase in appetite, but it will also make it easier to gain muscle... So unfortunately, I see a big problem there since you have bulimia.. It may make you binge and purge more... BUT, if you really want to consider being healthy, if you exercise, even if you end up eating more, it will most likely turn to muscle as long as it's a healthy enough of a diet and you're not just consuming a lot of junk food.
I used to have anorexic tendencies, though I was never professionally diagnosed. Switching to a vegan diet helped me greatly and now I could say I am "recovered" from the disorder. Switching my diet has helped me greatly so I highly suggest a vegetarian or vegan diet if you are open to it. If not, just leaner meats, add more fruits,vegetables, and nuts into your diet, less bread, no soda, and less sugary drinks like juice would help. I know it's all easier said than done when you have an eating disorder, but that is one thing that I believe can help you. If you ever have any struggles ed related, my inbox is always open. I know the struggles, so you can talk to me about it rather it's just small things that upset you or if you're on a bad relapse. I am willing to help and support that dude.
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Old 17th Feb 2017, 09:59 AM   #4
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Re: Eating Disorder Recovery and Testosterone

I have eating disorder tendencies too, but i'm not trans so i dont know that i can help much. But i find that refocusing those urges on something more positive helps. What i usually do is focus on eating a healthy, well rounded diet that's cheap and obsess over that instead of whatever it is about eating disorder stuff that is bothering me.
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Old 17th Feb 2017, 10:07 AM   #5
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Re: Eating Disorder Recovery and Testosterone

That's where body dysphoria comes in with trans though, or at least in my case.I developed my ed when I was just a child. I was obsessed with making sure I never had a female figure, that during my preteen years I would over exercise and starve on purpose to make sure I had no fat on me. It was fucked up, but when you're as obsessed about never developing breasts/ shrinking your breasts and making sure your hips don't look like "hips", it makes everything worse.. from body dysphoria to eating disordered thoughts. I had the worst fear of developing a female body that I would literally punish myself with extra exercises if I started to think about food. It was ridiculous. Imagine being 12 years old, 5'1 and around 70 pounds. I almost killed myself unintentionally. And all because I was afraid of what puberty would do to me, since I also just couldn't find it in my heart to open up to anybody about being trans back then.
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Old 18th Feb 2017, 12:22 AM   #6
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Re: Eating Disorder Recovery and Testosterone

@anthracite: I prefer bodyweight workouts (darebee.com for example has pretty good and effective ones) but may I’ll join a gym with a friend of mine who decided to give it a try. If he stays on track I’ll join too cause I’m actually also diagnosed with exercise addiction (caused by my eating disorder) and need someone who looks after me cause I’ve got impossible standards for myself. The problem with eating is really paradox, I’m not anorexic and by the time I’m writing this I’m at a healthy weight and already got some muscles*. But this doesn’t mean my body isn’t damaged by the things I’ve done.
* In fact I’d be also okay if I’d just lose some weight again.

@PrinceVegeta: (1) Yeah I know. I’m pretty afraid of the increasing-appetite-thing cause I’m absolutely unable to recognize I’m hungry/full. Sometimes I’m unable to drink sugared tea, sometimes I feel starved after a double meal and continue eating for hours. At the moment I’m semi stable, like I’m eating a bit too much but I don’t gain weight anymore and start to find some healthier alternatives, also fighting my fear foods. Exercise will also always stay part of my life. Because of my diagnosis I tried to stop it to 100% but I recognized it didnÄt help anything, so I try to stick to a few new rules which shall prevent me from overexercising.
Vegan or even vegetarian isn’t an option for me cause even if my binging included a lot of sugary and fatty foods – as may obvious – my “normal” mealplan was never unhealthy. I also wanna avoid any kind of restriction. Of course, the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle is labeled as especially healthy and I also won’t eat meat every day but as soon as I start restricting again I’d find new stupid excuses for removing more and more foods from my mealplan.
Quote:
[...] leaner meats, add more fruits,vegetables, and nuts into your diet, less bread, no soda, and less sugary drinks like juice would help. [...]
the only meat I really enjoy is chicken anyways, and the other things are also included in my diet. Main problems are still my thing for diet coke^^”
But thank you really much! I hope there won’t be any reason to bother you with my personal ED-shit, but you’ve been pretty lovely and supportive so far, so may I’ll write you if I need some advice/support.
(2) In my case I developed my ed for other reasons, but as soon as I was addicted by the way my body changed I also recognized I could change my body in something more androgyne/masculine if I just continued with restricting and over-exercising, just like you did in your childhood. The main difference between us is the nature of our eds, most obvious if it comes to weight. Through all the years my weight changed really fast, but it where always ups and downs between a healthy range (but not healthy achieved). I’m avoiding numbers cause I don’t wanna lead myself back in this kind of thing. I’m glad you’re better by now

@LunarLyric: My philosophy is more nihilistic to be honest xD but thank you, I’m still trying to figure out a mealplan that is healthy (but not obsessive) I’m able to follow.
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