between confusion and just all I have seen in my life sometimes it is scary being sexual trust is a big part of this for me
Is it that you feel unprepared, or anxious and unready to be sexual with a person you've only known a short time? Or do you feel these things even when you've been steady with someone for a while? If it's not subject to time spent relating to someone, then it's probably more related to the awkwardness of the arousal itself, and the stage fright that could come from not feeling like you can be "sexy" in the bedroom (or on the couch) with someone. Cause I think there really is a "performance" element to it, besides just getting you or the other person to that climax moment. What sort of trust issues do you feel like you're having? Is it about how you feel the other person will treat you during a sexual encounter? Like whether or not they'll take their time and listen to you and your needs? Or is it about something else?
it is about being used and hurt and beat by others. it is about will they give me something like an STD
I am really sorry, that sounds like you have been hurt very badly while in a sexual relationship. If that is the case, it might be best to seek out therapy. Trauma and anything similar can be very hard to overcome by yourself. Good sex is not about hurting or using the other person. It is about taking and giving, feeling good together with the other person. It requires a certain amount of trust, more for some then for others. I would suggest you look for a trusting relationship and not an immediately sexual one.
I want loving friendships. I am finding them. I also have gotten some people who were using me and hurting me out of my life. One of those went after my friend in the last 8 months. He is not in our lives now. And things have improved a great deal. Myself and my friend were being threatened by this man. Sometimes people think the only way to have someone is to control them, but then you never really have them at all.
I totally agree with what you say, love has got nothing to so with controling someone. A healthy relationship should be based on respect and trust. Being scared or unsure about being in a sexual relationship is normal after going through bad experiences... but you simply need to surround yourself by the right people...they will understand you and respect you. Maybe you need time. You will find a partner who gives you the space you need to not feel pressured...and the love and respect that is needed to gain the trust you need
I have been and I am in therapy we all get hurt it is part of life I am doing the best I can just like everyone else. If you have sex with someone it can hurt you give you something you do not want. When I was 21 I was married and only with her. I never had to worry about that. I am in a non sexual relationship with someone we love each other. I am making choices about same sex friends. Not sure where to go with it, but I am getting somewhere. If that makes any sense.
I am well aware of that. When my wife told me she wanted to be with women, I was okay with that. But I am trying to figure out what it is I need. I would never force her to be sexual and I am not sexual with her that stopped a few years ago. I am working on this. I searched for love all my adult life. I am so blessed with my wife. And with my family.
Sex may not always be love but a loving relationship can have sex in it. It is normal to be careful around sex when sleeping with one person who has something like std or hep c or HIV could change my life forever. People who are careless have a bigger chance to get sick.
I am really scared of getting something from someone not being sexual. Thought about how I worded it.
I'm sorry I don't get that seemingly contradictory statement. But, then, I can be pretty dense sometimes.
Earlier I said I was scared of sex. What I meant really was I was scared of getting something like an STD
Ah, I understand. That's why practicing safe-sex, getting regularly tested for STIs and finding a stable monogamous partner can be extremely important, IMO.
I am playing it safe. I have a better handle on things getting sick and not feeling well slowed me down and gave me time to think more on what it is I want. The remarks helped too. Thanks
