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Tops that don't use enough lube - advice for a bottom

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by asianbottom, Mar 4, 2017.

  1. asianbottom

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    Hi, new to this forum but glad to find somewhere safe to post this.

    I am a total bottom and get enormous pleasure from receiving anal stimulation. I often experience anal orgasms - intense pleasure that starts deep inside and radiates out.

    I have had 2 regular partners over the years, who have been great and mutually compatible and both of us extremely satisfied. The purpose of this post is to see if others have a similar experience and maybe hear what they do as a remedy.

    I hardly ever hook up with guys anymore and can go without the sex so that's fine. Lately when I have, I have met 4 different guys (over the space of a year) that have been either reluctant to use lube or have not used it at all until I requested it. Most of them have used their fingers on me without lube or with hardly any, and have been vigorous with them - almost as if they're expecting a vagina that lubes itself and is much more elastic (initially) than my ass. Don't get me wrong, I can and love to take big things - nothing better than feeling stretched out for me. But not straight away, and certainly not without lube.

    I am struggling to understand how guys who are self-described 'experienced tops' can be so ignorant of the need for lube - and the need to re-apply, etc.

    The very worst was 2 months ago, when a guy I met almost literally tore me up with his fingers. At the time, all I knew was that it felt alternately slightly painful and too intense, and then he couldn't stay hard after starting to fuck me so it ended. The next day, I found that he had inflicted four separate tears just around the entrance of my hole - like extremely rubbed-raw skin (not broken or bleeding but very painful). And of course due to regular bodily functions, these took a long time to heal. I'm not ready to have sex again right now.

    Does anyone want to share experiences of inconsiderate or just plain awful tops? And, what to do to aid in the healing of these sort of injuries? There's no STI or anything as I have regular full blood work ups and saw the doctor the next day - but this was bad regardless. Extremely painful and also stressful, as the doctor pointed out that's exactly the worst place to have wounds, due to daily exposure to bacteria.

    Please no mocking or hate - need to hear constructive things.

    Thanks. :icon_sad:
     
    #1 asianbottom, Mar 4, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2017
  2. Jax12

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    I've always asked my boyfriend if he was okay and whether or not he needed more lube (I'd say I'm versatile but mostly top).

    For the times that I have bottom (previous partners), they've always asked me if they should slow down or not EXCEPT for one guy who barely did any foreplay with me. While he did use water based lube, he still went inside too quick and I didn't like it (was bleeding a bit afterwards).

    Like you said, because we take bowel movements here and there, it takes longer to heal (imagine a cut on your lip and how long that's going to take to fully heal). I went to the doc to get some medication for the inside of my rectum (to provide lubrication and reduce irritation). Other than that, it was a waiting game for me.

    Bleeding stopped in a couple of days (maybe even a week, cant remember).
     
  3. asianbottom

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    Thanks for sharing, Jax. I have bled a couple of times - small spots mostly due to sharp fingernails. Ouch.
     
  4. smurf

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    There is this believe in our culture that sex should be a silent process. People should get naked, know exactly what to do, and just get to it. And while that makes for a hot porn scene, its just not the best practice for actually enjoying it in real life.

    If you already need lube to bottom, then tell them way before you have your ass up in the air ready to take it. Don't assume they know, don't wait for people to make mistake, just communicate.

    "Hey, I put the lube on the night stand. Make sure to use a lot"

    "Yeah, I'm going to need more lube" "Oh fuck yes, but you need more lube if you really want to get going"

    If you want to go slow at the beginning (some people don't) then let them know.

    "Go in slow at first. I'll let you know when to go fast"

    Hopefully, the top will communicate just as well with you. This can be done with a long-term partner or a one night thing. Talking about how you like to have sex can be done during and before you have the act.
     
    #4 smurf, Mar 6, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2017
  5. OnTheHighway

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    People watch too much porn and do not realize porn is no real!!!!! When they see guys fingering or penetrating without any lube, they do not realize that most of the performers have already been lubricated before the scene starts.

    As a practical matter, chiming on to what smurf advised, I would go a step further. Always keep a bottle of lube with you, and consider keeping it next to you on the bed! Whenever the prospect of insertion starts, simply hand the bottle over. No need to say anything. Just give him the bottle and he will get the message.

    As you are continuing with the sex, if you feel you need more lube, simply give him the bottle again!
     
  6. Shorthaul

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    I agree with ONTheHighway, sometimes the simplest and direct thing is the best way to go.

    If they don't like it, well maybe they can find someone else.
     
  7. Myles Kramer

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    If you are not comfortable with 'tell'-- I'm going to echo what of the other people on this thread have said-- show him. Honestly I need time to loosen up at first so if he's going too hard or quickly, I'll put my hands on his or on his body and show him what I like. As for healing a raw butt hole. :/// Time, but I also clean myself up and use some neosporin in the morning when my bowel is empty.
     
  8. asianbottom

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    Thanks for all the replies, guys. I have actually been holding my bottle of lube on all the occasions except for the one who hurt me badly. They were told many times about needing to lube - so for three of them I guess I am just asking "what is up with that?" that I needed to insist - for the other guy, he just didn't listen no matter how many times I asked for more lube. It was only frustrating at the time, as I didn't realise he was almost tearing skin. For the other part of my post - does anyone have a good treatment for a hurt ass?
    Thanks again
     
  9. OnTheHighway

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    Preparation H. After sex, always take a shower, clean with your finger and then apply some.
     
  10. smurf

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    Sadly, it sounds like you are having sex with complete assholes who do not respect you as a person. Its not that they are bad tops, they are just shitty people.

    Next time it happens, feel free to literally or figuratively kick them off you. A request for lube isn't an option for a top. Its something that has to be done as soon as the bottom asks for it.