Hi all! So, I have fairly good reason to suspect that I'm asexual; although I'm not sure yet. I've been trying to explore my sexuality lately, and as part of that I've made a few (extremely unsecessful) attempts at masturbating. Now, it is entirely possible that I'm just doing a bad job of it. I am rediculously sexually ignorance for a 21 year old--I didn't even know masturbation was a thing people did until I was 19, and it took another year for me to realize that it's not just a guy thing, and still another before I was comfortable trying it myself. So I'm not entirely surprised that my initial attempts have been extremely underwhelming (and, honestly, a bit boring). What does concern me slightly is the sensation of touching my genital area. I get a certain level of pleasure from touching other sensitive spots on my body (even if I do get bored within five minutes), and I even at times experience sufficient arousal to wish to touch my genital area and encourage it. But when I do, I find the sensation boarderline unpleasent. It's not that it hurts, exactly; but the area is sensitive in a way that doesn't feel exactly pleasurable, either, and it soon becomes mildly painful if I keep at it for a minute or two. I know that plenty of asexuals enjoy masturbation; but is this a common experience for some? Or even just for women who are new to masturbation? Or sould the sensitivity/lack of pleasure cause me some concern that there might be something medically wrong? I hope I don't sound paranoid; I just really don't know what I'm doing when it comes to sexuality. Thank you!!
Could be you cannot focus or just do not have an interest in touching your own body. Have you ever read erotica and been turned on?
Try not to touch the sensitive parts until you're turned on enough. Go slow. Aside from that, if you just don't really enjoy it....eh, some people don't. I don't enjoy it that much and I'm not even asexual. I'm kind of hoping it'll be better with another person involved.
Sort of? Erotica is another thing portrayed as wrong in the environment I grew up in, and to be honest I don't even know where to find good erotica I have read some fanfiction lately, and while I read it more for the emotional connection between the characters than the erotic bits, there is certainly erotica present in many fics. Fanfiction might be an ideal format for me because insofar as I do get turned on it seems to be prompted by emotional connection as well as physical, and it helps if I am deeply invested in the characters; but because of what's in the media fanfiction is overwhelmingly m/m. Even that did turn me on somewhat, even though I seem to be somewhat sex repulsed towards men . . . so maybe if I could find some really good f/f erotica it would help. But where would I look for it? ---------- Post added 23rd Apr 2017 at 09:41 AM ---------- That's interesting . . . for some reason I sort of assumed that any sexual person would enjoy masturbation (I really am still working on getting educated on these topics!). If you don't mind me asking, what convinced you that you are sexual even though (it appears from your post) you've never had sex and don't enjoy touching yourself? Is it a matter of getting physically turned on by those you find attractive, or just wanting sex in the abstract?
From what you describe, you are likely not asexual, at least if we are using the widely accepted definition. There are plenty of people who are 'late bloomers' and plenty of others who for various reasons have been conditioned in one way or another to feel uncomfortable about their sexual selves. There are also quite a few people who, because of ongoing depression, anxiety, medication, or family-of-origin issues, have learned, unconsciously or otherwise had factors that suppress their sexual desire. None of these folks are asexual using the widely accepted definition. So in your case, my guess is that one or more of the factors described above are at play, and what you are experiencing is your body's heightened sensitivity to a new experience. I would suggest taking things slow and simply gently exploring. And if any of the above issues resonate for you, consider tAlking with a therapist.
Make sure you work up to it as others said, and apply less pressure. Not much is needed if you're sensetive.
Thanks for the response! I'm curious--what makes you say that I'm probably not asexual? I'd be glad to think I'm not (which maybe is a sign in itself) but I have had a number of people say that my experience makes them think I may be asexual--in part because I have no memory of any sort of sexual awakening when I was in my teens, and I've been told that asexuals often experience a certain level of arousal. That said, I've definitely experienced a number of the things you said can cause one to suppress one's sexuality; and in addition to the reasons you mentioned I'm pretty sure that if I am sexual I'm only attracted in that way to women--something that was not acceptable in the enviornement I grew up in. So if it is possible to have late awakenings and to suppress sexuality to the extent I've experienced, I wouldn't be eniterly surprised to discover that's what happened for me. The therepist will probably have to wait . . . my family is providing for my fanances while I go through school, and I doubt they'd be open to paying for that. But I'll keep it in mind for if I'm still struggling with this when an opportunity arises.
For me personally, what's enjoyable about sex is the emotional connection and bonding you have for the person involved. I think the physical sensations alone are pretty boring, but orgasm can cause cuddly feelings I don't get by doing other group activities. I've technically never had sex, but I have a desire for an emotional connection that is achieved through intimacy. It's for the same reason...that putting a bad movie in front of a person can be boring/a dreadful time, but watching a bad movie with a SO can be very enjoyable because you are laughing together. I know I am sexual because I am attracted to other people in the way that asexuals aren't.
The problem is the term "asexual" is misused by a tiny but vocal segment of the population. The widely accepted term is defined as someone who has no sexual attraction whatsoever, and identifies a sexual orientation that is as much hardwired as hetero and homosexuality is. What you're describing doesn't seem to meet that definition. Those causal factors seem to match the experience for most people who don't experience strong sexual attraction; this, in turn, means that the behavior is essentially learned rather than innate, which also means that, unlike a true asexual orientation, the lack of sexual attraction will dissipate once you address the underlying issues. Well and... just by being aware of the situation, thinking about it, and talking about and exploring it, such as here on EC, you may find that you begin to address these underlying issues and resolve the problem for yourself.
