So I've had some relationships with guys and currently I'm into my first sexual relationship with a girl. Last night we had sex for the first time. It was nice, and I got turned on quite a lot, but I couldn't have an orgasm. And I have never had an orgasm during sex, in general, only by masturbating. When I was with guys I always worried that I'll take too much time and that they would be bored. And yesterday I had the same worry, combined with the fear that I wouldn't satisfy her either, because of my lack of experience. It turned out she was pretty satisfied and had an orgasm, which made me happy and kinda proud of myself, but I was left disappointed because once again I didn't manage to "finish". In my previous experiences sex was "complete" when it ended with the guy ejaculating. This time the attention was very much equally divided and strangely this made me anxious too. Like, in my previous sexual relationships, it was "optional" for me to have an orgasm, but yesterday I felt a bit exposed, like I had to have one. She told me she will "try more" next time, but I don't think it's her fault. Even without the orgasm, it was one of the most satisfying sexual experiences I've ever had. PS: She's also inexperienced with girls.
There's a good chance you will achieve an orgasm through experimenting with your gf to see what works with you. However feeling anxious and exposed probably won't be helping. I'm sure you'll get there you've just gotta stop feeling like you should and just enjoy the act and go with the flow.
if this is new to you maybe u just need to learn what you like and dont like, have fun dont worry too much about it and get some more miles under your belt
I understand your frustration more or less with that orgasm thing, have you tried clitoral stimulation on yourself during sex? Do you think you have performance anxiety that interrupts you to reach orgasm?
Yes, I was scared I wouldn't be "good at it" but apparently I was good. Now I'm mostly anxious about taking too long, which leads to a circle.
omggggg i definitely had trouble with this even a few months ago. my partner said i psyched myself out about by thinking "amicloseamiclose" while they were pleasuring me, which can be hard to orgasm while your brain's in overdrive. they said to just focus on them pleasuring me, but that can be hard with adhd things/ anxiety. discussing strategies with your partner to help you "tune in" to what you want/need and not feel guilty for "taking long" or anything is HUGE. my partner will constantly be telling me things while they're, y'know.... down there... and it totally distracts my brain from my own internal dialogue. also, i've definitely "helped" my partner along when they were doing things to me, especially with my clit since i kinda need to piledrive it to get it going. them watching me also helps them know what to do next time! sex shouldn't be feeling like a performance so much as a give/take, push and full, conversation, fun and sexy time! good luck, friend.
