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No arousal with myself?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by T0207, Apr 30, 2017.

  1. T0207

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    I'm a 26 year old gay male and I've come to realize that I don't feel turned on thinking about myself. For example if I masterbate thinking of myself in the situation I get turned off rather quickly whereas if I think of just other people I get really turned on! This has become a problem because when I engage in intercourse with my boyfriend most of the times my penis doesn't stay hard! It's like real sex doesn't give as much pleasure as simply thinking about it. I don't feel much pleasure through physical contact with him or with anyone else I've had sex with, only if I close my eyes and imagine a situation.
    I have been addicted to porn ever since I was 12 years old, can that have anything to do wig it? I need help asap because it's really having a negative effect in our relationship. He feels that he is the problem but it's not! It's all in my head.:bang:
    Can anyone help? Has anyone had or is having a similar experience?
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    There may be two issues going on there:

    First, you need to relax and not overthink it. If you go to the bedroom thinking something like "ok, this is it, i need to stay hard NOW!"... chances are that you won't get an erection, simply because you are too worried about it, instead of just relaxing and enjoying the moment. Instead, remember that sex is an enjoyable moment. If you don't get an erection, there are other activities you can do to pleasure each other. If you get an erection, awesome. If not, it doesn't mean sex isn't enjoyable - do other stuff and next time penetration might work. Don't pressure yourself.

    Also, yes, porn can be a problem if you are watching too much of it, or if you can only masturbate using porn. If you feel that might be the case, i suggest you stop using porn for now. Give it some time, and, when alone, use your head and fantasies instead.

    Finally, if you think the problem may be physiological, it may be a good idea to see a doctor, just in case.
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Porn can definitely play a role here. My suggestion -- which may be a bit difficult at first -- is to try giving up porn entirely. It may be difficult masturbating without it for a couple of weeks, but your brain's arousal will reset and then it won't be so difficult.

    Also, one of the best things you can do with your boyfriend is to simply slow things way down, be really mindful, and think about what being with him means to you. Arousal is a complicated interaction between physical, mental, and emotional and often simply slowing down and becoming mindful about things can really change how your arousal patterns work. Also, don't be afraid to try out other activities... caressing, fingering, using your lips and tongue, and asking him to do the same... which can help to change the way your body responds to arousal.

    I think if you give it a bit of time and practice, you'll be surprised at how easily you can change your arousal patterns.