So as some of you know, because I'm stuck in this straight marriage, at certain times I have to basically force myself to have sex with my husband. As I did last night. But after we finished I realized something. I don't wanna do this anymore. I really only do it to make sure he stays with me and its not even really worth it. If he cheats I'll throw him out. No big deal. I suppose another reason I do it is because I'm a hot blooded woman with needs lol. But I need to stop making myself do this. What are your thoughts on the subject?
Hey I'm sorry you're in that tough situation. Sounds like you should talk to him about your sexuality and decide where it goes from there. Do you want to stay with him in an open marriage, get divorced and remain friends or have no contact ever again? When did you discover your attraction to women? Sounds like people often didn't really know and went along with the typical life we're all taught from an early age. It took me way too long to understand that some guys want to be with other guys since I never saw honest examples, but I had no attraction to women so never bothered dating any. Sure some could be friends, but I had no drive, no desire to be close, boobs did nothing for me as they did for other guys.
If you can believe it I'm already out to him. However, I know what I'm required to do. Or so I thought. So, I got myself as drunk as I could and let him have me. It hurt so darn bad. Always does. And I feel sick to my stomach afterwards. I'm just tired of it. But at the same time what if he cheats on me? Then I lose my source of survival. Its rough..
Hey that is a tough situation but I dont think you should let him do it if you dont want it. In the long run you are going to end up in more of a mess if you continue to let this happen.
Already am actually. Its total mental torture for me cause when he's overdue for it, he hints at it like crazy and he constantly touches me and grabs at me and he knows deep down that he shouldn't be pressuring me like that. Its nuts. I'm out already but he still acts like nothing has changed. Its hard.
Exactly but I think whilst you keep letting him do it, he will continue doing it. Dont get me wrong I know it is easy for me to say and not easy for you to do but if you want to keep the sanity you do have you have to draw the line and it has to stop.
Honestly, I don't know why you're remaining in a marriage with this man who's coaxing you into sex. You know you're not straight. He knows you're not straight. And I don't hear you saying he's wonderful, just that you're entirely dependent on him. Can you find a way to get a divorce and gain your own independence? Your happiness isn't going to be with this man, then you should consider leaving the marriage for the best.
Forgive me if you've mentioned this before, but what exactly happened after you came out to him and how did it arrive at a point where an ongoing sexual relationship was even a consideration... for both of you? Clearly, you don't enjoy it, but the same must be true for him now. He will be aware that you're getting nothing out of it and that must surely dent his male pride. One of the fundamentals about sexual enjoyment is the idea that you are giving and receiving mutual satisfaction and if that's not actually happening you'd both be better pleasuring yourselves. It's really not good or healthy for either of you to carry on like this.
Hello Butterfly2016, I'm sorry you're going through this, you deserve so much better. Your husband knows you don't want or enjoy sex with him yet he's still taking advantage of your financial dependence on him, harassing and pressuring you into it basically under threat of starvation: that's by definition sexual abuse and rape. It may not involve physical force but he's still forcing you into this, not caring that he's hurting you. Moreover, according to some of your other posts, he has been abusing you physically and emotionally as well. This is really concerning; it makes me think you need to free yourself from him as soon as possible, and in the meantime protect yourself any way you can. If you tell him you want this to stop, he may accept it (in which case you might have more time to work out a solution) or he may threaten to leave you without financial support. Do you see any way to leave? Any friend or family member who could help or house you? Would it be possible for you to gain some form of financial independence by finding a job (if you don't have one) and saving enough money to move out for instance? I don't really have any advice myself, but I found a few links which hopefully might be more helpful. General domestic abuse resources: https://www.google.fr/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=5&ved=0ahUKEwiJ2PPgheHTAhVDcBoKHRDqCzcQFghQMAQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Funityandstruggle.org%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F04%2FLundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf&usg=AFQjCNGdQkELyQNCGiIMXRBrZ37131mNFQ&cad=rja (pdf link to a book about abusive men and IPV which might give you some clarity) https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-and-battered-women.htm#help WomensLaw.org | Staying Safe https://www.domesticshelters.org/domestic-violence-articles-information/faq/when-it-s-time-to-go-part-i Financial aspects: Financial Abuse: 6 Signs and What You Can Do About it | HuffPost Financial Empowerment Curriculum https://www.thepennyhoarder.com/life/leaving-an-abusive-relationship/ I included the last one because it does provide valuable information, but please note that some of the links it contains are likely to be scams (the ones that are like "earn x amount of money in only y hours!"). In Florida: https://www.domesticshelters.org/search#?q=Florida&latitude=27.6648274&longitude=-81.51575350000002&radius=50&page=1 Local Center Services | Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence Their resources pages might be of help too. Food & Housing This one directs you towards resources for sexual abuse, domestic violence or financial hardship. Note that you'll probably need to check whether the resources/hotlines/shelters listed above are lgbt-friendly and/or generally trustworthy. Unfortunately it's not always a given. The resources below should be lgbt-friendly or lgbt-specific. LGBT: Resources (scroll down to their list of lgbt-specific resources) https://www.harborhousefl.com/get-help/safety/ (lgbt friendly, Central Florida) Contact Us – Lotus House Shelter (lgbt friendly, Miami) Domestic Abuse Shelter - A New Beginning (lgbt friendly, Florida Keys) Shelter Listings » SAVE: Stop Abusive and Violent Environments (they list inclusive shelters by state) Resources (more lgbt Florida resources) Women In Distress | Broward County, Inc (lgbt friendly, Broward County, FL) You can also search the glbt national hotline to talk to someone, and glbtnearme to find resources in your area. I hope any of these can be of help. It's a painful situation, but you can get through it. Please take care of yourself.
