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How can I have sex with a drug user and keep me safe?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by cory212, May 8, 2017.

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  1. cory212

    cory212
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    Hello, I recently was talking to a guy and we were planning for some casual fun.

    At some point he mentioned if I do drugs, I said no and he asked if I would have a problem if he did some coke because it gets him going in these situations.

    My question is what can I do to guarantee my safety and that i won't be exposed or addicted to the drug they'd use if I want to proceed with having sex with such person thats into party n play or a drug addict?

    Should I for example avoid kissing them if they had taken the drug by mouth?

    if I knew they're STD free and we were planning for unprotected sex or fellatio, should i avoid coming in contact with their bodily fluids, sperm even then ???
     
    #1 cory212, May 8, 2017
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    No, no, no a thousand times no. Just don't.

    It's just a stupid idea to be around, or have sex with, someone using drugs. At some point, they're going to (subtlely or not-so subtlely) encourage you to "join in". I've worked with clients in recovery, and particularly among the gay clients, the situation you are describing is very often what got them started using drugs in the first place... even the ones who swore they'd never use.

    Additionally, it is very rare to find someone so addicted that they *have* to use drugs to have sex who doesn't also fail to consistently use safer sex techniques. The likelihood that this person has an STI is high.

    You deserve better.
     
    #2 Chip, May 8, 2017
  3. Jax12

    Jax12
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    There's nothing you can do to guarantee your safety in this situation. If you're asking what to avoid doing, you're better off not meeting up with this guy in the first place.

    And would you honestly trust this guy if he told you he was STD free? Considering that he does cocaine to "get him going"?

    There are WAY better guys out there dude.
     
    #3 Jax12, May 9, 2017
    Last edited: May 9, 2017
  4. naoky78

    naoky78 Guest

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    Find another partner is a best safety for you!
     
    #4 naoky78, May 9, 2017
  5. FluffyLightFox

    FluffyLightFox
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    Just like you wouldn't have sex with a drunk person, having sex with someone who's using drugs is just asking for troubles.. More importantly, if you're in a relationship (romantic/physical/whatever) with someone who has an addiction, there's gonna be, sooner or later, issues arising from that.

    So, how can you have sex with a drug user and keep yourself safe? You can't.
     
    #5 FluffyLightFox, May 9, 2017
  6. Shorthaul

    Shorthaul
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    I gota agree with everyone else, this really isn't a good idea in any way. Especially if they need the drugs to even get their libido going.
     
    #6 Shorthaul, May 9, 2017
  7. cory212

    cory212
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    Thank you for the answers guys. I was wondering since it would be a one time thing (NSA fun/all of that) and since I like his appearance I was wondering what I could do in order to not take a pass on him .

    This is why I said user, not addict. He's really the "gym and party hard" type . I don't think he's overshadowed by his use, but again we only talked about if it's okay for him to take some coke during our meetup , not how frequently he uses in his everyday life or if he's addicted.

    You're probably right . Maybe there isn't a way for me to not come in contact with the substance during sex..
     
    #7 cory212, May 11, 2017
  8. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    Its not only about the substance, its about the environment and the pressure you will feel to participate.

    Sex is far too often being used as an excuse for people to use drugs, not the other way around. A common trend amongst the gay community relates to people using drugs to suppress their emotions rather than dealing upfront with shame and internalized homophobia.

    I have crossed paths with those whom I would describe as "lost souls" because of their inability to deal with their shame, and where they then resort to drugs to help suppress the pain they are under. It is not a pretty place from what I have seen.
     
    #8 OnTheHighway, May 11, 2017
  9. smurf

    smurf
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    I agree with everyone above that this is usually not the best idea. It can be done, but you have to be aware of the risks involved.

    That being said, I'm also a huge proponent that people should have all the information in hard so they can make their own decisions.

    If you only fear is coming in contact with the substance, then you are fine. No one is worried that you will accidentally ingest some cocaine. That isn't the issue here.

    And even if you get some cocaine in your system for some reason through kissing or the like, its not like the cocaine will get you addicted with one single try. It doesn't work that way.

    If you are worried, your best bet is to either don't kiss him or get him to snort it rather than put any on him gums. If he can't respect any of that, then thats a bigger red flag than cocaine.

    The worry of the people above isn't that you will ingest it accidentally. The risk is that you don't know what type of person this guy is while on cocaine or if you might be tempted to try it if you are offered cocaine.

    If you use condoms, then this doesn't matter.

    The whole thing about safer sex is that you should ALWAYS assume that people might have an STI. Using condoms will prevent the STI from being spread. That's how it works.

    So, if you have sex with him condoms are a MUST. Seriously, they should always be a must, but specially in this situation there are no ifs or buts. If you don't use condoms then you are taking a huge risk.
     
    #9 smurf, May 11, 2017
  10. Chip

    Chip
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    It is true that one should always assume their partner has an STI and should always play safe. That said, for me at least, if I know someone is in a high risk category, and someone who uses drugs during sex is, I would pass. Even with safer sex, I would not take the risk with someone more likely to be at high risk.

    and I need to echo OnTheHighway's message. It is less about the drug itself and more about the perspective, culture, and attitude. There will be some level of pressure, and anyone that 'needs to use' in order to 'get going' is not a casual, occasional user, particularly if he is on a hookup site.

    It's your choice. And it is also an unwise and risky one. If putting yourself and your safety first isn't important to you, then go for it.
     
    #10 Chip, May 11, 2017
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