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Whys it easier for me to orgasm while masturbating versus having sex?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by goodbeat94, May 21, 2017.

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  1. goodbeat94

    goodbeat94
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    First and foremost I am a cisgendered gay male and have sex with other men if that helps. Anywho, so I've noticed the few times that I've had sex or engaged in sexual acts with someone, ive noticed it takes me forever to orgasm and ejaculate. However, it seems like no time for me to orgasm when I'm masturbating, especially when I'm watching porn or I'm just really insanely horny. And, ultimately, I kinda feel like it may be a reason why many of my sexual partners (much of them were potential relationships) left me and never spoke to me again after we had sex the one and only time we did. I know that's probably a BS reason honestly and if they really are that inconsiderate to how my body works, then they're not worth it, granted. But i can't help but think about it every now and then.

    I've tried different positions to see what really helps me to explode. And I've noticed that it helps for me to either be topping the guy doggystyle or if I'm bottoming and his penis hits my prostate, therefore I have more lead way to orgasm and allow for it to be intense. Some guys don't like doggystyle and it also doesn't help when my partner orgasms and then they have to go the extra mile for me so I can orgasm. It's kind of a no win situation. Especially when I bottomed the first and only time I have. Because the guy piping me down refused for me to orgasm before him and I had to ejaculate after he had already taken his penis out of my butt. Which wasn't as good and intense as it would've been.

    I should note that I've only been sexually active for nearly a year. So I know that I probably have all the time in the world to figure this stuff out, but if anyone could give me advice on this rather difficult situation, that'd be great!
     
    #1 goodbeat94, May 21, 2017
  2. Jax12

    Jax12
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    I would say that you've gotten too use to masturbating on your own that the real thing can't do it for you.

    I'm the beginning, it would take me a while to orgasm as well, and jerking off was the only solution. Now I orgasm too fast when I top but on the other hand, I still jerk off when I bottom (can't orgasm hands free, at least not yet I think).

    Do you feel pressured at all to orgasm with these guys? Are you relaxed and in the mood?
     
    #2 Jax12, May 21, 2017
  3. Chrissouth53

    Chrissouth53
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    Two possible thoughts...

    First, you masturbate with a death grip. By doing this, no other means of sex (oral or anal) have that degree of tightness. Back off masturbating for a while and see if that helps.

    Also, we orgasm quickly when masturbating because the three things needed... brain stimulation, your sex organ and the "outside party" (in this case your hand) are all under your control. You get stimulated by what you think about (vs. having a sex partner there), and your hand is controlling feel, pressure and speed. It's a win-win-win situation (if you're into masturbating).
     
    #3 Chrissouth53, May 22, 2017
  4. goodbeat94

    goodbeat94
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    Honestly, yeah. I've felt A LOT of pressure. And I feel like it could be a mixture of both being used to masturbating and the fact that I've agreed to go through with having sex with them, somehow I just zone out sometimes and I'm sure that doesn't help.

    ---------- Post added 23rd May 2017 at 08:32 AM ----------
    Curious; would this mean that maybe I should try bottoming more often? Since I would have more control of my orgasms and the speed and such but still get the benefits of sex??
     
    #4 goodbeat94, May 23, 2017
  5. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Hey goodbeat94,

    I think you might be rather confused and, perhaps misunderstanding of your sexual role with a same-sex partner.

    First, for most of us, an inexperienced partner tends to be a GOOD thing. Because we can 'teach' him. (Although only within our own person experience and expectations.)

    Second, you should ONLY and ALWAYS do whatever is the most comfortable for you. Anyone that tries to seriously press you into sexual activity that you are neither ready for nor willing to experiment with is NOT your friend. Don't give in to him.

    Third, most of us in the non-heterosexual community totally understand a lack of sexual experience, regardless of age, and find it endearing. Most of us LIKE to teach newcomers to same-sex experiences, regardless of their age. But YOU have to be strong enough to only agree to things that you are comfortable with and tell us upfront about that. Don't go beyond your personal level of comfort. Just tell us what you are comfortable doing and don't let anyone (even an "experienced" gay guy push you towards an experience that you don't want - at least not right now.) Remember that YOU are in charge of your own body and NOONE can FORCE you to do anything that you don't want to do, sexually - else, you are being raped.
     
    #5 Quantumreality, May 23, 2017
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