I have a problem where I can ejaculate when by myself via mastubation but when I am with someone else I cant do it. The last time I was about to ejaculate with someone was a few months ago while watching porn. I find this problem very embarrasing and when I am with someone I can loose erection due to my fears of not cumming. I already told my GP about it and there is no physcial problem with my penius. He gave me scripts of vigaria. I has helped keeping the erection but still it has not solved the problem. I find it very embarassing telling my partners about this problem. What should I do?
This problem is actually quite common, and I have a feeling it'll become more common as time goes on. Why? Because with the advent of easily- accessed porn, many (most?) people are masturbating to porn. There's nothing wrong with this, I don't think, except that I think it tends to program the brain wrong. Consider - how do you watch porn? Presumably when nobody else is around. And what do you do when someone comes home while you're looking at porn? Most people immediately stop, hide the porn, and cover up. This tends to sort of program the brain. "Sex is a solitary activity. When someone approaches, get out of sex mode." So now you've got a boyfriend, you're all set to go, but...welll, there's this GUY there! The fact that you could get off with somebody else while watching porn suggest that this might be the case with you. So what to do? Start reprogramming. First, start jerking off without porn from time to time, so your brain breaks the link of "sex is porn". Secondly, next time you're with somebody, let them know that you've had trouble finishing off in the past, and ask if they'll help you break it. Go ahead and get them off first (anyway you'd like), and then, have him just hold you while you jerk yourself off. Close your eyes if you'd like. You might hit orgasm by doing that, or you might not. Don't sweat it. Just enjoy the ride. If you can't, you can't, and tell your partner, "I guess I'm not making it this time. But thanks for helping. I'd love to do it again." Then try it again next time. If you do hit orgasm, move a step up. Have him put his hand over yours while you jerk off, or have him kiss you and lick you while you jerk off. Keep working your way forward until having sex with somebody else is as natural as jerking off. Lex
If there's no underlying physical problem, it's psychological. Firstly, try not to think about it too much. More stress = higher probability of 'something going wrong'. As Lex said try to kick the porn watching habit. Also, try enjoying sex (jerking off) even if there's no orgasm. Try to get rid of your insecurities. They don't help when it comes to being with somebody. Sex with someone might fail as you are so used to being alone. So the first step would be jerking off with someone. Even if it's you doing all the job. And later on you can proceed. If you take viagra, take it only when you are with someone. Don't use it while you're alone. Good Luck!
There's a bit of deja vu here because Lex and I have given this same advice to other guys. It's a common problem and it's just that tough transition between having sex with yourself and doing it with another person. It passes with time as you become more comfortable with the other person. Recapping- Don't sweat it. For some people, it takes a few times to be able to relax enough to let another person see you come. A lot of guys enjoy watching or doing a side-by-side jackoff. Make it fun and don't stress over whether you will be able to come. Once you get comfortable, let the other guy give you a helping hand. Lex is right-it's hot to have the other person hold you while you alternate between doing it yourself and letting him help you. You can try the Viagra if it helps you overcome your fear but in time you shouldn't need it.
well I admit I did suffer from porn addition for years and for years so I will do my best to avoid porn. I am on antidepressants but my psychologist says its not due to the medication as when I was off it I still had the same problem.
Don't avoid porn- just try to keep it in perspective. It's not intended to be a replacement for a relationship or person-person sexual expression. Which antidepressant are you taking? SSRIs are notorious for sexual side effects. Guys often report that they feel "detached" as if their penis gets hard but they don't really seem to feel "connected" to it. They're also known cause difficulty with ejaculation. If you're on an SSRI (e.g. Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, Paxil, etc), then you may need to try a different drug or a different dose.
I am on effexor-xr and believe its a SSRI. I have recently increased the dose of it from a visit from my GP. However my psychologisit claims that this is not the cuase of it when I saw him several months ago.
save it up too. Take a few days off things will get more sensative. You won't need as much stimulation to get off.
I've actually had this problem too. I can make my boyfriend cum relatively quickly but he hasn't been able to make me cum once. I know it's psychological, cause honestly I don't feel comfortable being naked with him. I'm really insecure about my looks and all that. Not to mention I'm more afraid of failing him than I am excited about having a good time, so... lucky me. Anyway, hopefully I'll see him tomorrow and we'll see what we can do about breaking this pattern
I went to see my psychologist today. Even though I new to the new dose of effexor-xr, it will take time to feel the effects as he said. He said for me to continue the does to make sure its the medication that is causing the problem and will see him again in 3 weeks to see if their has been any improvement. If the medication is the problem, then he says he will change my medication. Derek I recommend a sex therapist. My psychologist recommends me to see a sex therapist only when I have a steady partner which I do not. If you dont know where to find one perhaps you can get some assistance from the GP.
I have to agree with KB. I think your doctor is mistaken. I'm on the same medication, and I'm quite certain that it has the same effect on me. It's a little frustrating, but the more I let it frustrate me the worse it is (i.e. the less likely I am to ejaculate). So I try not to worry about it. All things considered, my life is better on the medication than off of it. Because life was going fairly well - and I'd been on the medication for a couple of years - I spoke with my doctor about weaning myself off of it. So for the last couple of months we had been slowly reducing the dose. I'd been at half the reguarl dose for a month when I saw him yesterday and we agreed that I should go back up again. Why? I still have things in my life that I'm stressing over - like coming out to my kids - and it's having a pretty severe impact on my mood. I've been VERY down the last few days - more depressed than I've been in a long time. So I've decided that this one and only side effect is worth living with for the other benefits I see in my life. I know I may not stay on the drug forever - I wouldn't want to. But now doesn't seem the right time to change it. If I were you I'd be keeping the 'big picture' in mind as well. What are all the pros and cons. Reaching orgasm isn't the 'be all and end all' - and any guy you're going to be with should understand that too. They should probably know you well enough that you've talked about being on meds and the effect it has on you BEFORE you get intimate. If you're getting intimate with someone else before you've talked about that kind of thing, then maybe you're getting intimate before you should. Just some stuff to think about from someone who has 'been there, done that'. :smilewave
I would definitely say it is the medication. I took the same thing and it's actually a SNRI but the SSRIs are actually a lot worse in my opinion.
