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Contemplating reutning to counselling.

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by moonlight, Nov 17, 2009.

  1. moonlight

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    I hit a black wall of depression a few weeks ago and made this post:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28961
    I am still sruggling with issues mentioned in the above post.
    I have come to realise that there are many aspects of my life that I haven't trully dealt with even though I though I had.
    So I am contemplating going back in to counselling. My dilema is that when I was haveing it before I didn't find it particularly helpful and I don't want to waste ore money if it isn't going to help. I don't want to go back on medication as I have tried various different types and I end up on the maximum doses but yet they still don't appear to work. I am unable to find another soultion. But I can't continue with my life the way it is because I don't feel emotionally strong enough to keep putting on that brave face that mask that gives everyone the ipression that my life is fine and happy. When actually on the inside I a falling apart.

    So does anyone have any solutions that might be useful, or do you maybe think that I should give counselling another try in the hope that it works this time?
     
  2. KaraBulut

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    Out of curiosity- why did you find counseling not helpful the last time?
     
  3. moonlight

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    I was never really honest with the counsellors or myself. I always found myself saying things that I thought they wanted to hear, therefore appearing to look as if I was getting better, whilst actually avoiding almost everything that I needed to talk about.
     
  4. Lexington

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    Well, you DO see the problem, then, right?

    Say you go to a doctor. And instead of giving him a list of your true symptoms and pains, you make some up. Chances are he's going to fudge the diagnosis and treatment. Not because he's a lousy doctor, but because he's operating on faulty information. He's not going to notice and set your broken finger if you're complaining about a pain in your chest.

    So yeah, I'd suggest you go back. But go in with a new mindset. Treat your therapist the same way you'd treat your doctor. He needs to know the utter truth as you see it, so he can more accurate figure out what you're feeling, and how best to proceed. If he asks you a question, and you don't know the answer, or don't want to tell him the right answer, don't "fudge" it. Say so. "I really don't know the answer to that." "I have an idea, but I feel uncomfortable telling it to you." This alone should make the therapy much more rewarding.

    Lex
     
  5. Maddy

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    Lex's got it, as usual. You have to let the counsellors in in order for them to help. Don't worry about telling them what they want to hear - they'd rather you took a while, had some setbacks, and actually made progress. The counselling is for you, not them, so let them help you. It's not a sign of weakness admitting that you're still having trouble. Also, the counsellor will be very used to people being awkward about answering certain questions - if you can't find the words, or you break down in tears, they'll just roll with it.
     
  6. KaraBulut

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    I suspected. :slight_smile:

    Lex is correct. I will also just add one thing. Finding a therapist is much like a job interview. Find a therapist that you are comfortable being honest with but also find a therapist that makes you feel like you're getting something done while you're there.
     
  7. Chip

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    I'll amplify the previous comments.

    I think there are several common mistakes people make when seeking counseling or therapy.

    One mistake is just starting therapy with the first counselor/therapist you talk to. While this can end up being a perfect and rich therapy experience, there are a lot of crappy therapists, and a million different counseling styles/approaches, and lots of cases where a therapist that might be absolutely amazing for one client might be a terrible choice for another. It has to do with the difference in styles, approaches, and techniques. Many therapists will give you a free 30 minute "get acquainted" session where you can meet with them, discuss your issues, their approach, and just get a feel for how they are likely to work. Find some who do this and meet with two or three to get a feel for different styles.

    Another mistake is entering therapy with a misconception about what the therapeutic relationship is. This person is paid to help you learn to improve your life and give you insight on your problems and concerns. The therapist is not your friend, and does not judge you. You can and should feel completely comfortable telling your therapist absolutely everything going on in your life, and if you expect to get meaningful benefit from therapy, you must be open and honest with them. There is probably nothing you can tell them that they haven't heard before, and they won't judge you, think less of you, or not want to be your therapist based on anything you share with them. The joke I tell is that you should be able to go to your therapist and say "I enjoy sex with gerbils and hammers" and have them respond with "I see, that sounds interesting, would you like to tell me more about that?" If your therapist responds with judgement, shock, surprise, or anything else when you disclose things about your life or experiences, you have the wrong therapist.

    It's easy to fall in the trap of having a level of pride and not wanting to disclose embarrassing or shameful things, but you have to get past the fear of judgement, and your therapist should be skilled at helping to establish an environment where you feel completely safe and comfortable sharing everything about yourself. Once you get to that place, you'll be amazed at how quickly the therapeutic process can move forward.
     
  8. moonlight

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    Lex,
    Thank you, you have deffinately hit the nail on the head. I nedd to go back with a completely different mindset than before. With the key thing being honesty both with myself and any future counsellor.

    Maddy,
    Thank you, for reminding me that it is ok still be having problems and that it isn't a sign of weakness to ask for help. I thnk that the other reason I found it hasn't worked in the past is because I am not very good at letting people in (friends and loved ones included), it's like I don't really want anyone to know the complete me, they all just know snippets of information about my life. This is deffinately something I need to get past if I want the counselling to help me.

    KaraBulut,
    Thank you, for reminding e that is ok to with meet a few counsellors and then pick the right one for me. I offten forget about that, in the past I have usually just stayed with the first one I met with.

    Chip,
    Thank you, for also reminding me that there are many styles of counselling and counsellor and that picking the right one is vital to my progression.
    I loved the joke, but you are absolutely correct in saying that I should be able to say anything to a counsellor without being judged. I need to keep that in mind, not sure I am confident enough to use you particular joke, but I do get you point :slight_smile:


    I have a few things to overcome if I am to get anything from counselling mainly I guess and the biggest one which is letting people in, in the first place and fear not only of being jugded, but also fear of what will happen when I open pandora's box and let it all out. I do think it will be benificial so it is one those risks that are worth taking.