A survey finds that "One-third of gay teens don't use condoms"

Saw this on ###, as well. Please, please play safe, folks. It might be a nuissance sometimes, but it won't kill you. Not using protention, on the other hand, just might.

 

What is with older guys form ###, posting on Empty Closets? I mean isnt this website for 18 and younger?

 

I'm 19. Hardly old. I post here because there is no maximum age limit, and because I find it interesting to talk to other people about their coming out process. I post here because I enjoy supporting a website that didn't exist while I was coming out.

 

As Aaron said, I'm pretty sure it's that EC is not age-restricted, not that it was ever meant to be 18 and down. Lots of people still come out after 18 and even if people have come up before that, they still face a lot of coming out issues as they get older.

And while I very much believe in peer support, I'm also a big proponent of learning from other people's experiences, and it's hard to have access to people who have had certain experiences if you restrict the age range to a max of 18.

 

Ok so what activites should you use a condom?

 

^Are you being sarcastic, or are you actually asking?

(note: this is NOT sarcasm)

 

Pretty much any activity that involves someone's cum near someone else's butt, to put it in relatively ordinary language.

HIV is transmitted through bodily fluids, most especially blood and semen. It just so happens that the lining of the anus is particularly easy for HIV to "get into" because there are always microscopic cuts and abrasions and it's just this type of bodily tissue that's particularly porous and prone to absorbing stuff.

There's also some concern that you could be infected by HIV via oral sex (i.e. having someone come in your mouth or, I guess, getting their cum in your mouth) but they figure that is much lower risk than infection via unprotected anal sex because of a host of things like the saliva in your mouth and the fact that the tissue in our mouths is a lot different than the lining of our anus. A big caution people point out is that if you have cuts in your mouth, recently have had surgery in your mouth, basically if your mouth is "compromised" (not 100% healthy) you are likely more succeptible to being infected by HIV because then there's a "way in" to your body for it. That's why having unprotected sex where you're the one getting fucked is considered more risky than having unprotected sex where you're the one fucking, although just like our butt can have cuts and abrasions we don't really know about, the same can be said for our dicks, so "being the top" is not risk-free.

So some people use a condom for anal sex and oral sex but my sense is that most people who practice "safer sex" are generally using a condom just for anal sex and are avoiding oral sex if there mouth is for some reason banged up.

The "common sense" approach to how risky unprotected oral sex is basically points out that while not all gay guys have anal sex, a lot have oral sex and a lot have it unprotected and if HIV were even remotely easy to transmit orally, way more people would be HIV positive. I say "common sense" because no one's ever really been able to do a decent study on it because no one can be sure that if someone says they got HIV from oral sex that they didn't also have anal sex and just aren't fessing up. And no one really knows exactly how many gay guys are having oral sex vs. how many are having anal sex and how many of these guys are using protection and whether they're using it every time and whether it's 100% effective, etc. In short, it's a really tricky and difficult thing to study.

I've found the best approach for me personally is to educate myself as much as I can (which means keeping informed about the latest studies) and then balance what is known scientifically with what kind of sexual practices I'm comfortable with and how much I trust the person I'm having sex with. I don't think you can rely on trust in your partner alone because sometimes we just don't know our partners as well as we think we do and sometimes they aren't as sure of their HIV status as they think they are or as they say they are. So there's a whole continuum of "safety" you can choose from, from not having sex at all to having a lot of unprotected sex with a lot of different people.

I also think it's good to mention that of course, you can only get HIV from someone who is already infected, so it's possible to have a lot of unprotected sex with a bunch of people and completely luck out and not get exposed to HIV and it's possible to have unprotected sex just once and be extremely unlucky and become infected. Since you can never really know someone's HIV status for sure (unless you test them yourselves and then lock them up for 3 months and retest them afterwards), it can be more useful to focus on what kind of sex you have vs. who you're having it with.

(The "3 months" above reflects the fact that the standard test for HIV tests for the presence of HIV antibodies, which can take up to 3 months after infection to accumulate in the body in a large enough quantity to be detectable by the standard test, so it's possible that someone who is HIV positive may have negative test results if they were infected within 3 months of their test. I believe the reliability of the HIV test at 3 months is something like 95% to 96% so it is generally thought that if you test negative and you haven't had sex or unprotected sex within the last 3 months, you are out of the woods.)

At the end of the day, it's the kind of thing you have to take informed responsibility for yourself... if you rely on others to keep you safe, you run the risk of subjecting yourself to a lot of risks. I grew up during the first wave of sex education in schools where the risk of AIDS was taught so I personally don't see myself having unprotected anal sex EVER. That being said, a lot of people start off having protected sex and then if they end up in a long-term relationship, ditch the condoms after some mutually agreed upon time after they've both been tested.

The reason I personally don't believe in this approach is because I know too well from my own personal experience that people are fallible and that cheating does sometimes happen and that often because of how stigmatised unprotected sex is, it's the very situations that might expose one's partner to risk of infection that are the same situations which are most difficult to talk about. That is, if you're in a monogamous relationship with a boyfriend and he cheats on you, that's hard enough for him to come clean about. If he cheated on you AND had unprotected sex with another person or persons, that's considered even more "bad" and there will be even more pressure on him to keep that secret. But if in the interim you continue having unprotected sex with him, you end up being at risk without even knowing it.

Hopefully the above scenario is far-fetched but it's certainly not an impossibility.

Bottom line: you have to take measures to protect yourself because no one else is going to do it for you.

Hope that helps... if anyone wants to add or correct me, please feel free because I don't claim to be a safer sex expert.

 

I just wanted to add to joeyconnick's (long but informative) comment...

A lot of guys only use condoms for anal and nothing for oral, because of the risk of HIV already clearly described in the above comment. However, you can still get a lot of nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphillis from unprotected oral sex.

Fortunately, all of those are generally curable with antibiotics, except herpes which isn't life threatening. Several of them have been on the rise lately and some of their strains are more resistant to antibiotics than before (means you have to take stronger drugs for longer). Getting an STD is still nasty and you'd possibly be spreading it to others, which IMHO is sorta inconsiderate. Hence, it's still a good idea to use a condom in such cases, particularly if you're not in a long-term monogomous situation. If you're not going to use protection (like a lot of people don't), at least get tested for these sorts of things regularly for the sake your sex partners as well as your self. Some of these diseases don't always cause symptoms in all people and others can be more serious if you don't get diagnosed relatively early.

Oops, forgot to mention hepatitis... There are three main kinds of hepatitis: A, B and C. A can be spread through a mouth-butt route, but also can be caught from food prepared unsanitarily. B can be spread through sexual contact and blood. From sexual contact, hep B is about 100 times more contagious than HIV. C is spread only through blood contact. A vaccine exists for A and B. It's recommended for all men who have sex with men (MSMs). It's probably worth looking into if you haven't already been vaccinated, especially if you're younger.

 

I think the main problem with people not using condoms is lack of education. I don't know in the US or Canada, but where I live you can forget about sexual education in schools, and most parents just want their little girls to be virgins until they marry, while they start having sex at 14. Adn they are just so happy their little boys are studs and fucking every girl they cross that parents just don't care about their kids using condoms.

 

In the US we do get sex ed...in my school, we only have it for one quarter. Didn't seem to really work for me though...I mean I learned a lot, but there's just stuff that I don't remember and I think that there should be more than just a quarter. For instance, I could not remember if AIDS could be transmitted through oral sex, but now my mind has been refreshed (thanks to joey and drhladnjak) and I can pretty much remember everything it.

 

I remember going through sex ed in school too. Unfortunately, it mostly focused on pregnancy protection (especially when I was in elementary school) and was entirely focused on heterosexual situations. Although people don't usually remember a whole lot from sex ed, I think the situation is decidedly worse for gay people because our sexuality often isn't even discussed in those classes. Because of that, I'd encourage everybody here to do some research online (just type safe sex into your favorite search engine) to fill any gaps you may have.

 

I live in a reletively conservative part of the U.S., and we actually had a lesson in health class in 8th grade on how to put on a condom. As for HIV, i went to a catholic elementary school, and all throughout 5th and 6th grade we were told horror stories in health class, basicly saying not to ever have sex untill you are only going to have 1 partner the rest of your life (good idea, but yea right). I am thankful though that because of my older brother (who likes to try to look like a cool person) keeps plenty of condoms around, so getting one wouldn't nessecarily be embarasing to me. Dont really think i'd come to the situation to use one, but at least I have access if i need it.

 

it's always great to protect your self wheather your having oral or anal sex because all it takes is one time to screw up and you can get it like my friend johnny he had anal sex with a guy who was hiv positive and now he thinks he has it due 2 the jerk wouldnt tell him if the condom broke after they had sex so now johnny has to wait to see if he has it or not but he's not gonna get him self tested til mar because he thinks if he get it's it done now nothing wont show up on the test but anyway remember always protect your self in any sexual situation because you never know what can happen!

 

Suggestion: Your local hospital has a GUM clinic, register and make regular visits, it may seem embarassing but it could save your life. Iv been in a relationship for about 2 years now, and i still visit once a month.

 

Or get your best female friend to head on down to the fammily planning clinic, ya can get free condoms that way too. I did for a while, saves any embaressment for you.

 

that is horrible hopefully they start wearing condoms before they fuck in da ass