So in the past year or two, I've noticed some changes. And no, they aren't good things. As time goes on, I've noticed I keep losing interest in things that I used to love. I don't ever laugh anymore. I can't hardly get out of my bed in the morning. I just want to sleep and sleep. When I am up, I don't want to do anything except lay back down. I'm almost constantly on the verge of tears over something and I am never, ever happy. When I do find something to smile about, it goes away and then i'm sad again. And lately i've noticed that I seem to be thinking about death an awful lot. Not suicide or killing anyone, but just death, not being around anymore...that sort of thing. I'm afraid I'm suffering from depression and while I have an appointment to see a doctor, I'm afraid he won't be able to help me. I thought that being out and accepting who I am would help, but I don't feel it has. I still feel closeted because I can't openly be who I am here. What should I do?
You almost certainly have depression, which is nothing to be ashamed of. It often manifests as apathetic listlessness rather than an active desire to kill oneself (that's why antidepressants can make you more suicidal, they remove the lack of energy before they remove the sense that there's no reason to keep living). Depression is treated with three things: activity, therapy, and medications. If you can, try to reactivate yourself, do more, develop a social life, etc. In the therapy aspect, crisis lines are your friend if you can't afford a therapist (though if you're in college the psych program may provide free or reduced-price counseling). Meds, the public face of depression, are often unnecessary, but are also the hardest to obtain. You have to see a nurse practitioner (preferably one with expertise in psychiatry), medical doctor, or psychiatrist for them.
I'm going to see a doctor on Monday. I plan on bringing it up. I'm starting college this fall, and I plan on doing whatever it takes to be involved because I need some kind of social outing anyway. But I'm also freaked out about college, because it's a new chapter and I've been out of high school for 3 years.
Sounds like some kind of a mood disorder (Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymia, etc). Try to have your GP run tests to make sure that there is nothing physically wrong that would cause depressive symptoms. If there isn't, it would be a good idea to try and setup an appointment with a mental health professional (social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc). Has your appetite changed at all? Depression can be a tough issue to combat. This is mainly due to the fact that it has a tendency to take away one's hope and optimism. With the proper treatment, I'm sure you will feel better than you do now.
My appetite swings. Some days I can eat and eat and eat. And other days I hardly eat at all. How should I bring it up to my Doctor?
Just like you did there. Make a list of everything you think needs saying. Your sleeping and eating habits, how active you are (physically and socially), your general emotional state, etc.
Could I make another suggestion? Sort of like depression but a bit more specific. You said you kept thinking about death, but not in a suicidal way, so in what way? In fear of the fact that you'll be dead one day and therefore started questioning your reason for living? If so, what you might have is 'Existential crisis' and it's basically where you question your own mortality, of which symptoms include fear of death and wondering if life holds any purpose or if it's meaningless. Here's a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis
If I lived in Northwest Oklahoma I'd be depressed too. Just kidding...like Birmingham is any better. From what you have described it certainly SOUNDS like you have the symptoms of clinical depression; lack of interest, constant sadness, wanting to sleep all the time, crying for no reason... but only your doctor can will be able to tell you that. Depression is a real thing and millions suffer from it....it can also be genetic (so my Dr. tells me since my mom and brother both suffer from it) Physical activity can help, but it is hard to do that when you have no motivation to even take a shower. There will always be a debate on medication, i.e. anti-depressants. Many times it is hit or miss with these things, in other words, different anti-depressants work differently in people. While some swear by Lexapro, others say it had no effect. The newer anti-d's are a lot less harsh and have fewer side effects than the older ones. If your Dr. thinks one is warranted, you may have to try different ones at different doses to see what suits you best. These things also take time to work (4-6 weeks), and never quit one cold turkey. If you have tried speaking with a councilor/therapist and that has not helped then you may be put on one...but I've always believed that anti-d's should be a last resort. Speaking from personal experience, I was put on one in late March and it has helped...but that's me.
Yeah! go jogging for example.. that helps me A LOT.. but not by myself, I have to go with other people lol.
I'm glad to hear you are on meds. I am as well. I have been battling depression for three years and was suicidal. Last year I was actually kicked out of school and asked not to return for 2 or 3 weeks, when I might be "under control". My Mom finally got me an appointment and I got put on Wellbutrin. I kinda look at it like depression is my bad sight and the meds are my glasses.
Tell your doctor everything you're feeling. Your issues with feeling closeted, not sleeping or eating properly, feeling low, and whatever else you might not have mentioned here. They need to know so they can treat you properly and help you. Doctor's keep things confidential btw... (*hug*)
