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HIV+ and Disclosure

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Lmont, Nov 2, 2010.

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  1. Lmont

    Lmont Guest

    So, I met this guy online and I've been talking to him a while. I've kind of had a crush on him for a while and we've both found that we have a very big libido. Anyway, tonight he told me that he was HIV+ after we discussed the difference of sex education here in the US compared to that in Spain. I'm not judgmental and I'm not going to stop talking to someone because they have some syndrome. Anyway, I asked if he usually discussed with his partners that he was HIV+ (he is a flight attendant so he has a LOT of sex with a LOT of different people). He said that people choose to wear condoms because they know the chance that there is a risk of them getting infected so if they choose to wear one then they are doing what they are suppose to do and he doesn't feel that he should tell them. He went on to explain that if someone decides that they want to bareback he informs them of the risk they are putting themselves in but again, does not disclose that he is HIV+. He says people are adults. They decide whether they want to smoke or not and can decide whether they want to fuck without a condom or not.

    I'm not really sure how I feel about this. In a way, he is right. Those people who go into having sex and want to be safe KNOW of the possible risks for having sex (especially promiscuous sex). That is why they wrap up in the first place. They could just as easily catch something from someone who didn't know they had it as someone who did.

    What are your thoughts on HIV+ people and disclosure before sex. Should they tell the person?
     
    #1 Lmont, Nov 2, 2010
  2. The BC

    The BC
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    The infected party should speak up. They should also promote condom use and stop the spread of HIV. He sounds like a creep to me. I know it sounds harsh but this is something that there is no cure for, people don't care enough about to find a cure for (in 20+ years), and he is going to be that nonchalant about it? No. Fuck that.

    I'm not saying he is to blame or that the people he sleeps with are guilt free but he is doing so much more harm than good it makes me ill.

    Let's say he sleeps with some guy who barebacked once with him and got it. It was a huge fluke and he never did it again. That guy met some guy, who just came out, they fucked, and the condom broke. Guy #2 infected. Guy 2 has no idea, guy one finds out 4 years later, all because guy one was a piece of shit. How many other potential partners were there in the mix?

    I get the whole, 'that's a crazy situation,' argument. I get that people have a choice. People should KNOW what they are getting into before hand.

    It's not like the matrix. Taking the red pill doesn't lead to enlightenment, it leads to an early grave and a life of guilt, hate, revenge, and sadness.

    Just my opinion - judge me as you will. But that guy makes my heart heavy :frowning2:

    ALWAYS GET TESTED, ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM. GROW THE :***: UP.
     
    #2 The BC, Nov 2, 2010
  3. Revan

    Revan
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    Disclosure is important. This guy is being an idiot and I feel like he's no different than the sick people who call it "gift-giving". Just my opinion.
     
    #3 Revan, Nov 2, 2010
  4. Numfarh

    Numfarh Guest

    That is repulsive. Totally and completely.
    Not only is he possibly infecting people by agreeing to bareback with them, he is KNOWINGLY infecting people. And they won't have any idea that they are infected and since they want to bareback, chances are they will pass it on to future partners.

    I agree that we shouldn't judge those who have contracted HIV, but we can judge this asshole for being... well.... an asshole. So irresponsible.

    And I fully believe that you should disclose infections/diseases prior to having sex with someone. It's the same as when you disclose that you have mono/the flu/cold sores before sharing a drink. It's common courtesy to give that person the option to weigh the risks.
     
    #4 Numfarh, Nov 2, 2010
  5. MoiMoi

    MoiMoi
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    Not only is what that guy doing unethical and generally scummy, in a lot of places it's a crime.
     
    #5 MoiMoi, Nov 3, 2010
  6. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Yes, they should tell.

    It's surprising that he won't tell his sex partners, but he'll tell you.

    Lex
     
    #6 Lexington, Nov 3, 2010
  7. Lmont

    Lmont Guest

    I think he feels that he can tell me cause we aren't going to have sex? I don't know. I've told him that I think he should disclose this information and he came back with those responses. I really like Numfarh's sharing a drink analogy.

    Also, I think it is important that sleep with someone who is HIV+ is risky but does not NECESSARILY mean the the virus will be spread. People can have BB sex with an HIV+ person and not get it. I'm not saying this in his defense, I just wanted that fact to be presented.
     
    #7 Lmont, Nov 3, 2010
  8. RedState

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    If I am not mistaken, to knowingly infect someone with HIV is a criminal offense in most states.

    The mere fact this guy KNOWS he is HIV positive and allows people to have sex with him without a condom without telling them, screams scumbag.

    >>>People can have BB sex with an HIV+ person and not get it.
    And I can play Russian Roulette with only one bullet in the chamber....you see where I'm going with this?
     
    #8 RedState, Nov 3, 2010
  9. Chip

    Chip
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    The guy is a selfish asshole.

    Basically, he knows that if he tells people he's poz, most people will say no and that will be that. But if he doesn't tell people, then a lot of them will bareback with him (which is how he got HIV in the first place), which is no doubt what he really wants.

    One of my friends became HIV+ (and now has AIDS) this way about 5 years ago, in his early 20s. He was drunk, and barebacked with the guy, and the next morning, went in the guy's bathroom and noticed a bunch of HIV medication. He confronted the guy, and the guy had the audacity to lie about it and claim it was a "low dose preventative." Later, my friend asked around and found out the guy had been regularly having bareback sex with 18-21 guys, and had been HIV+ for 3 or more years.

    I just don't get how self-centered some people can be.
     
    #9 Chip, Nov 3, 2010
  10. Fargo

    Fargo Guest

    If he does not inform the others that he has it, someone contracts it, and they find out he did it, he can get in big legal trouble. Especially since he knows about it. I suggest you take him out of your life, you don't need someone like that in it.
     
    #10 Fargo, Nov 3, 2010
  11. Revan

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    Since you live in Salt Lake, and I assume is where he lives too, you should know Utah criminally persecutes people who knowingly transmits HIV and you should tell him the same. While I don't think you could be persecuted for being an accessory to a crime in this case, none the less, you technically are. So you have two choices my friend. Ask him to stop being reckless, or report him to the police.
     
    #11 Revan, Nov 3, 2010
  12. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I'm going to agree with everyone else. That guy is disgusting.
     
    #12 TheEdend, Nov 3, 2010
  13. x2x2x2x2y2

    x2x2x2x2y2
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    Wait...being a flight attendent means you have lots of sex????! That's interesting.


    Anyways, yeah, he's a jerk.
     
    #13 x2x2x2x2y2, Nov 3, 2010
  14. Lady Gaga

    Lady Gaga Guest

    This.

    On a side note, one of my friends has herpes and she didn't tell me until after sharing many drinks together. Luckily, I didn't get it. :/
    And this.
     
    #14 Lady Gaga, Nov 3, 2010
  15. Chip

    Chip
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    "patient zero" who, after painstaking and exhaustive research by the US CDC, was found to have infected almost all of the first 17 or so cases of HIV in the US, was a flight attendant who frequently flew to Africa. The people he infected quickly spread the infection to others, and so he, almost singlehandedly, started the AIDS epidemic in the early 80s. The entire story is documented in Randy Shilt's excellent book "And the Band Played On"
     
    #15 Chip, Nov 3, 2010
  16. x2x2x2x2y2

    x2x2x2x2y2
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    And now my fantasy is ruined. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: jk

    Seriously, that's crazy. How did he get it in the first place though??

    Btw, I'm SO getting my hands on that book soon.
     
    #16 x2x2x2x2y2, Nov 3, 2010
  17. Chip

    Chip
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    AIDS is widely believed to have originated in Africa. It's been years since I've read Shilts' book or done any other research, but if I remember correctly, it's thought that the virus had existed for decades in certain types of monkeys, but at some point the virus mutated or something and was able to be transmitted from monkeys to humans in Africa, where it spread pretty rapidly, and then Patient Zero got it from someone there and brought it to the US.
     
    #17 Chip, Nov 3, 2010
  18. KaraBulut

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    If you assume everyone is infected, being told wouldn't change your behavior or your precautions. In fact, there's a valid argument to be made that someone telling you that they're "clean" is just giving you a false sense of security.


    Since Shilt's book, there's been some genotyping done on the strains of HIV that are predominant in the US. The latest theories are that the virus went from Africa to Haiti and then to the US- perhaps as early as 1959. There were workers who traveled between subSaharan Africa and Haiti during this period and its is believed that they may have been infected during their travels to Africa. The current strain that is predominant in the US has been found in preserved blood samples from the late 1960s.

    There was a confirmed case of HIV infection from a patient in St Louis in 1969 (the cause of his death was unknown until HIV testing was done on preserved autopsy specimens). There were also cases from the mid 1970s in Europe that were confirmed from autopsy specimens- all were people who had lived or traveled in Africa.

    Dugas is believed to have been connected to about 10% of the early infections in the US. As with many public health epidemics, there seems to have been a low rate of HIV infection for many years. The epidemic phase began when the virus found a more effective means of transport (anal sex, blood exchange) and a group of people who had high rates of anal sex, sharing of needs, etc involving multiple persons during the latency period.
     
    #18 KaraBulut, Nov 3, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2010
  19. Lmont

    Lmont Guest

    He doesn't live in SLC. Like I said, he is a flight attendant, so it really doesn't matter where he lives as he travels all the time. I told him he was being reckless. I'm not going to report him to the police..that's just ridiculous. That would cause so many more problems for me.
     
    #19 Lmont, Nov 6, 2010
  20. SwissBoy88

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    Flight Attendants have lots of sex?? Oh my... had I only known that earlier.... Been a FA for two years now, never noticed that..... hmpf :'(

    But with the rest I agree!
     
    #20 SwissBoy88, Nov 6, 2010
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