HIV Risk from This

I am 23 years old and up until December, had never had any sexual experiences with other people. Since then, I have had two with guys. One was definitely a sexual experience while the other may not even qualify as a sexual experience but it was with an HIV positive individual. What I would like is for feedback on my risk and such. I really feel awful about the HIV positive guy even though the few small things we did are supposedly very low risk.

Guy 1
Found online, claimed to be clean and insisted that I am completely clean. At some point in the process I made it clear that this would be my first experience with a guy, ever. Basically, he stopped over and gave me a BJ (swallowing), I gave him a HJ (don't think I even touched his cum), with me receiving a final HJ. I suspected that he was straight even though he claimed to be bi. So ultimately, he did give me a BJ, which I think poses some risk for me, of course he also swallowed. But, he did know this was my first experience so I should have no risk, theoretically.

Guy 2
Also found online, took on a date, where he broke the news that he was HIV positive. After about fainting, I casually continued the evening. When finished at dinner, he came back to my place and we cuddled quite a bit. Then we made out for probably 5-10 minutes total spread out over several sessions. It was surface level, don't even remember tongue exchanges, and fairly gentle. We were both staying surface level. I did not brush or floss my teeth this night (which can open wounds). The only other sexual thing that happened was I rubbed his penis with moderate aggressiveness for probably a minute followed by rubbing a small amount of precum between my fingers. I did inspect my fingers and did not notice any abrasions. I think it dried quickly and I may have rubbed it on his penis or body or something. Several minutes later I took a shower. That's all we did, neither of us actually came. We did sleep in the same bed and cuddled all night.

I have never been tested, but these two experiences are my first ever, all within the last month. I was thinking I should get tested to confirm my clean slate and then I guess periodic testings. Everything I wrote is everything I know happened and I had no alcohol in either case. This certainly worries me...I hope this isn't anything serious to worry about. As a side question, can someone be certainly and fully exposed to HIV without contracting it? Can it take several exposures? Any thoughts on my situation would be seriously appreciated!

 

I stated exactly what we did and I do not plan on doing anything further with the HIV positive guy. All I am trying to do now is assess my risk. Based on the responses, I think touching a small amount of precum on my fingers has not been addressed. I guess I can just overlook the first guy, especially since he claimed to be clean.

---------- Post added 16th Jan 2011 at 12:00 AM ----------

I read this online, "There's nothing to "understand." HIV is a fragile virus and it is NOT transmitted by fingering, even with precum on the other guy's fingers. It's never happened and you aren't going to make history by becoming the first to be infected in that manner." It goes on to say how the virus is really only transmitted inside the body. In other words, as soon as it exits the body and undergoes even slight adjustments in temperature and such, it is altered and potentially destroyed. This makes me feel quite a bit better.

From my reading, it seems like what I did is very low risk, and these people talk like no risk at all.

I am still incredibly afraid going forward. I should always be safe in sex but things happen. I'm SO new to sex period and I have a lot to learn. Of course I want to engage as soon as possible, too.

 

I was already fully onboard with safety every time, always. Keep in mind I've only had these two experiences, ever. This is all new to me. But in contemplating the HIV positive guy, I did realize that no matter what someone says or even if they've been tested (can take 3 months to appear) I have to be safe. This all scares me too, even being safe, that other diseases can spread. No matter what anyone says, you are never sure they are truly completely clean.

 

If I want to remain STD (STI haha) free what should I do? Is there a comprehensive book I should read? Or once I settle down with one guy, would I then be able to be less safe in an honest relationship?

 

I somewhat regretfully have to post another encounter for feedback. I met someone at a bar who was very attractive and ended up with him back at my place. He was so drunk that he hurled, and I was content holding/cuddling him while he rested (I was sober). Finally toward the end of the evening, he needed to get home, but I asked if he would be up for reciprocating HJs. Before I knew it, he was giving me a BJ and even rimmed me a bit (totally was not ready for that). He ultimately switched to a HJ toward the end.

Then I was going to give him a HJ, but he pushed me to give him a BJ (2nd guy sexual-encounter ever, 1st time giving BJ). I reluctantly agreed and did. He blew a little in my mouth, which I spit out and then rinsed my mouth several times with cold water, even lightly brushing my teeth--mouthwash would have been a lot smarter. I made every attempt not to swallow anything.

Prior to this he asked if I was clean and said he was. He also assumed f-ing for the pick up, saying I have to use a condom. I told him no f-ing (by my choice). So I feel terrible again, except that I guess now I've done some more things that I hadn't before. It also sounds like he might want to get together again sometime so if I do get to know him better, I'll either be at ease or terrified. If I had a friend with benefits (he could possibly be that) then I wouldn't feel so compelled to find someone, anyone, for encounters. I'll add that this pickup was initiated by me, although he was the one who offered to go for a walk (to my car). I had roughly 5 pick-up opportunities over the past week that I denied. This individual is 21 years old (youngest of all opportunities) and was the most comfortable choice by far. It seems like younger means a lot less likely to have HIV.

Brass tacks here...should I outright ask him (sorta again) if he is totally clean? During the pick-up he was always asking me what I wanted to do, never really pushing or asking for much prior to switching me to give a BJ. What if he is HIV positive? What is my level of risk if he was? Perhaps he doesn't even know. Granted he was immediately saying he insisted on a condom (so he practices safe-sex) but as drunk as he was I could have taken advantage of him. He is so lucky, I think, to have gotten picked up by me who only has his best interests in mind.

I'm going to mentally destroy myself if I keep putting myself through this stress and anguish. I think the sexless hs/college years of my life were far less hellish. What could I have done to remain 99.99% safe? Condom for BJ? Would he have gotten as upset as he did with me thinking of giving him just a HJ? Talk to me people!

 

But the only way for me to not worry at all is to never be with any guys. No matter how trustworthy someone is, I can still feel disgusted with myself to no end because I am only truly comfortable with near-guarantees. Those just aren't possible. Not in a sexually active world.

Addition:
I could spend a year cultivating a relationship with a person and get tested and all but that still would not mean this person would truly be trustworthy. A friend told me all relationships/dating/sex pose some risk. If this guy is clean like he says, then I should have nothing to worry about. He seems to have a good and true heart from the talking we did when he was sober.

Getting tested only shows accurately 3 months after your last exposure! So meet someone, wait 3 months with no sexual activity, get tested, then hope to God neither of you cheats. Safety is great too...

---------- Post added 31st Jan 2011 at 06:53 PM ----------

Not that it is any proof at all (obviously) but this individual has < 50 Facebook friends. I don't hardly know another person with less than 500, many with a thousand or more. Maybe he is less out there than a typical guy. He also was interested in talking with me more the next day, so he didn't just go with me and ditch me. I would like to build something with this person.

 

I didn't mention saliva in my post today (#13) because that was well covered within my original post. I mentioned semen in my mouth, which I spit and rinsed out with cold water for probably half a minute.

I'm a little frustrated to be getting scolded because I know these activities occur time after time after time, probably more severely, but those people just don't question their risk on here. I'd like some honest thoughts please.

Addition:
I know this happens because a guy outright asked me if I wanted to f***, right in the middle of me talking calmly. He probably was infested...talk to me people. I didn't do anything with him! The guy I did what I mentioned I approached myself and he was not overly promiscuous. He was also perfectly fine leaving doing nothing sexual. Again, for what it's worth...but worth at least thinking about.