I find myself in a (hopefully, but less than likely) unique situation regarding a new friend and someone who I can't help but feel attracted to. We come from similar paths although he has been in the game for longer. I am condom every time there is penetrative anal sex, period! type of person and he is not :icon_sad:. That is, as dan savage would say, 'my price of admission.' You can either get on board or get out, your choice. My concern is two fold. 1) I like him. I want to have safe sex with him (if he is willing - if not, no soup for him). 2) I want to change his mind about it. That is selfish, and not really my right - so how about give me some pointers on how to show him why it is so risky, and why it isn't worth the risk so he can genuinely understand where I am coming from. And hopefully, maybe, persuade him to take less risk? Keeping in mind, he's been out and about, and from my standards unsafe, for many years - but, still clean. I never thought I would come across somebody who takes such large sexual risks before. Am I fool for wanting him, and I am fool for considering sleeping with him knowing about his past (he does get tested regularly, and it would be condom required)? Thank you for your insight. The BC
Part of being a good friend is being able to separate yourself from your friend. You can be clear about your own behavior and your own choices- don't underestimate peer pressure and setting an example for your friends. But ultimately, if friends indulge in self-destructive behaviors- whether it be drugs, alcohol, unsafe sex or abusive relationships- you can state your opinion but you can't change their choices. They are ultimately responsible for their own mistakes. And at some point, you have to decide whether being their friend is worth the effort.
I would say, never engage in unsafe sex to appease someone else. Even someone you really care about. The consequences are just too great!
Like slowly said above, the risks are too great to let it slide. you wouldn't want to catch something for life, for a mistake you could make just once.
I say don't do it without a condom, if he has had plenty of sex without it then it won't hurt for him to use one with you if he really likes you. Not using a condom is like me being in the sun all day without sunblock (I burn so easily), I might get a sunburn or I might not, but why take the risk??
We both got tested and are clear - it was nice going in with somebody. He understands where I am coming from we have had many good talks about it. We are practicing safe sex (condom use). Although not his favorite thing in the world he'd rather have me with a condom than not at all.
Congrats on the test and whatnot. I don't give it up for anyone who doesn't use protection. I'm just a self-preservating bastard that way. And, leaving my personal safety out of the picture, it's a total turnoff for me if someone assigns so little value to their life that they're willing to contract a life-changing, ultimately fatal disease in exchange for seconds - literally seconds - of physical pleasure. Every single one of you is worth more than that. If you don't think so, you should seriously reconsider.
