met this perfect guy, but lost all sex drive..urgent help needed!

Relationships aren't all about sex. Obviously the physical element is extremely important, but it's not the be all and end all. If your attraction to this guy is healthy and powerful as it seems to be and vice versa, then hopefully he'll be able to understand.

I know it's not easy, but try and open up to him. Let him know you feel. This is what I mean about a relationship not being solely physical: being emotionally in tune with one another is crucial. Although I myself am still single and have never been with another guy, I'd know that's what I would want if I were in that position: someone who can empathise with what I'm going through as a person.

If and when you decide to tell him, most of all be gentle. Make it clear that even if your sex drive is a little low, you still love him as much as you did before. At least if he's informed, you're both on the same wavelength and you can do something about it and make it work for you as a pair. Try other kinds of sex, not just penetrative. To me, he sounds like someone you could trust to be a little exploratory with. But be easy with him. Emphasise that even if you're not hard, you value that emotional connection too much not to let it go.

Hope this has helped.

Best wishes,

Doctor Faustus.

 

Well, since you're sailing in new waters, it sounds like nerves could an issue. You weren't getting hard which kinda freaked you out, then he wanted to do some stuff to you, and that really freaked you out. Most people don't get hard when they're nervious or scared.

Now you're worried about it which is really freaking you out so nothing is happening.

what can you do: Relax. Breath.

I wouldn't worry about him not thinking you're not interested I mean you were making out and all, never knew anyone that madeout with someone they didn't like.

As far what can you do if he didn't understand you weren't ready, which is true since you were so nervious, then he doesn't deserve you anyhow.

I can only talk about myself when making out but it doesn't shoot up like a weed right off and it often doesn't get hard until the guy starts touching it and doing things. So what happening is normal.

Try not to over think this too much. Nothing is out of the ordinary.

 

I bet you were so worried and nervous about it working with this guy, you probably got performance anxiety and as a result from that, the usual blood that would cause you to swell up down there was focused elsewhere. It's like how they say, if you don't want to get aroused, think of something unappealing, you thinking of performing well caused you to not perform well because blood flow down there was reduced.

 

I am not a good adviser but since I am studying to be a health practitioner now,I feel the need to give clinical advice to the community.

First of all,like what Faustus said,relationship is not all about sex. If your partner break off with you just because of your rejection of having sex with him then he is not worth to be your boyfriend since you are just a sex object for him and not his boyfriend.

There are several reasons why you lost your interest in having a sexual relationship with him. One of the reasons which I think is the most promising factor is because you were nervous. You were nervous of not fulfilling his needs or maybe that was your first time. And when you are nervous, your body will react in a different way where you couldn't get your libido on. Therefore,if he is being a good boyfriend,he wouldn't force you to have sex with him,so talk with him about it.I'm sure he will understand your situation.And if he doesn't,erase such moron off your heart and move on. I know it sounds hard but it really doesn't worth the time and effort if all he wants is just your body and not your soul.

And don't even try to get Viagra or sex pills.Not only these drugs are expensive,they wouldn't work if you don't have the interest to have sex at all.Sex pills work in such way that they ENHANCE and not PRODUCE libido.Don't forget that taking sex pills when you don't have any health problem could harm your health instead.Since you are only 18,I assume that you are a healthy young guy with bright future ahead.

Lastly,you mentioned that you took some supplements,hoping that you could boosts your libido. Do know that supplements only work (if there is any) after long period of medication,usually take months to see the effect.

Just my advice as a pharmacy student.

 

Hmm, not sure why you wouldn't be rock hard in that situation. I'm pretty sure I would be. Probably good advice on your situation alrady given. Think of your most amazing fantasy when getting with this dude next time and hope your little guy is pumped up for the occasion Let us know how it goes.

 

"I'm not ready" wasn't an excuse. It was the truth.

There's a lot going on here- you went from being closeted to nearly getting naked with a guy pretty quickly. And if you read through the support forums, you'll see plenty of guys who were in the same situation as you... and it almost always has to do with all the thoughts going through their head, general anxiety/panic and fear of not being able to perform.

Since your post says you're gay, you're attracted to this guy, you're in generally good health and you have a pretty normal libido, this isn't about anything physical. It's a psychological thing and it's very common.

The answer for you is quite simple. Let this guy know you're interested. Be honest that this is new for you and that you don't have a lot of experience with guys. And let him know you want to take things slower and take steps as you're ready. You'll find that at a slower pace when you feel more in control of the situation, these things have a way of working themselves out.

 

Well, when we are worried too much to 'impress' then it may happen. There's nothing wring with you. Just try to get relaxed and enjoy the touching, kissing, hugging first...no need to be hurried to have sex. You will feel more comfortable and may be ready for more. But don't force yourself. And don't hope for perfection. Sex is not math... it's more an art, and feelings.

 

I am pretty sure its very normal. At least it is what happened to me. I had met one guy that I knew was gay, and when I told him I was I am pretty sure I became meat. I wasn't extremely attracted to him, but he was ok, and I had known few gay people. So I was open and he was aggressive and anytime he tried anything, I would occaissionally get an erection. But, I am pretty sure, especcially since I was in the process of coming out too, I just had too much going on, and I am far more into having sex with someones brain first, lol. Anyway, I was tired of not having that. I had tried not long after with someone who I knew from high school that came out. We talked a lot beforehand, but when I finally went to his place, my nerves were going crazy. But I kept on hoping i could relax, to not relax. We actually had sex, which to say the least, was a bad idea. If the plane doesn't start, you probably shouldn't expect to when you push it off a cliff.

Take it slow, let him know that you are nervous, and that you need some relaxing and warm up before anything. He should understand. Don't rush into making out and sex, maybe kiss, but try just laying with him first. Get comfortable just being next to him and not expecting anything. When your nerves settle with that, it won't be hard to try to do anything. Well, hopefully it will be. Just focus on what you are doing, and not that you don't have a full erection yet. Get through this, and it will be a hundred times easier. Not sure if it has anything to do with it, but just in case, remind yourself that you are gay, and so is he. What you are doing is absolutely normal and OK.

Good luck!