has anyone NOT gotten there? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

Rooni321 · 9th Dec 2011, 09:47 AM

Well this is embarrassing but I've had plenty of sex (not with a lot of people...I was in a relationship lol) but I've never been able to 'get there' with another person.
I've never climaxed or even gotten close really. It feels good and all but I've never gotten the big O...like ever.

Has this happened to anyone else? Is that normal?!

Sorry if this is in the wrong place

mike90 · 9th Dec 2011, 05:53 PM

Well from a male point of view and someone who had the equivalent for a while first it is worth remembering that everyone is different. It may well be the case that it is psychological in which case maybe try to speak with a sexual-psycho counsellor about it as they will 99% of the time be able to help. If you do not manage to climax on your own then it may well be better to see them because the sooner you speak to them the sooner it can be sorted.

If you can manage to on your own then maybe think about what is different between sex and masturbation. If nothing physical comes to mind then it may be purely psychological. If you can think of something physical then work on it. Another thing that helped me a lot was introducing some toys in the bedroom

Good luck with it xx

RaeofLite · 10th Dec 2011, 01:58 PM

It might be psychological... in that you're not there in the moment, you're thinking about other things and not what turns you on. Sometimes you have to fantasize during the act with whatever turns you on. Or to tell and show the person you're with how you like to be touched and where. Communication is important.

If you're on any certain medications those can affect your ability to enjoy sex as well.

TheJoker · 10th Dec 2011, 03:24 PM

So normal.Maybe you can't get in or stay in the mood easily, maybe your partner not doing right things for you.. who knows, but most importantly you should not make it a mental block for yourself.

There are many women having hard time to achieve orgasm even though they enjoy sex.

jargon · 16th Dec 2011, 08:31 AM

My best female friend has talked to me about this same thing a bit, so your definitely not alone. Its a new-ish issue for her too, so I cant give her as a shining example of how everyone gets over it or anything, but from my understanding it does happen to lots of girls, and most of them are eventually able to get there. In fact, both genders have problems with sex sometimes (admittedly its a bit different for guys), but seeing as evolutionarily-speaking sex is the most important thing we do, we're pretty well designed to make it work in the end

breakingboxes · 16th Dec 2011, 09:04 AM

never had the big O... little o's all the time, but no big O...

9th Dec 2011, 09:47 AM	#1
Rooni321 EC's Hopeless Romantic Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: gay, str8, bi Out Status: Out to everyone Location: San Francisco, California <3 Age: 18 Posts: 1,321 Join Date: Oct 2011	has anyone NOT gotten there? Well this is embarrassing but I've had plenty of sex (not with a lot of people...I was in a relationship lol) but I've never been able to 'get there' with another person. I've never climaxed or even gotten close really. It feels good and all but I've never gotten the big O...like ever. Has this happened to anyone else? Is that normal?! Sorry if this is in the wrong place __________________ "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially." Ernest Hemingway

9th Dec 2011, 05:53 PM	#2
mike90 Member Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Rugby - UK Age: 22 Posts: 96 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: has anyone NOT gotten there? Well from a male point of view and someone who had the equivalent for a while first it is worth remembering that everyone is different. It may well be the case that it is psychological in which case maybe try to speak with a sexual-psycho counsellor about it as they will 99% of the time be able to help. If you do not manage to climax on your own then it may well be better to see them because the sooner you speak to them the sooner it can be sorted. If you can manage to on your own then maybe think about what is different between sex and masturbation. If nothing physical comes to mind then it may be purely psychological. If you can think of something physical then work on it. Another thing that helped me a lot was introducing some toys in the bedroom Good luck with it xx __________________ Being gay is the best thing that has ever happened to me. If I was not I would never have met the most wonderful man in the world, my Peter.

10th Dec 2011, 01:58 PM	#3
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 24 Posts: 3,117 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: has anyone NOT gotten there? It might be psychological... in that you're not there in the moment, you're thinking about other things and not what turns you on. Sometimes you have to fantasize during the act with whatever turns you on. Or to tell and show the person you're with how you like to be touched and where. Communication is important. If you're on any certain medications those can affect your ability to enjoy sex as well. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

10th Dec 2011, 03:24 PM	#4
TheJoker Clown Prince of EC Full Member Gender: clown Orientation: bats Out Status: Not out at all Location: Circus Posts: 416 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: has anyone NOT gotten there? So normal.Maybe you can't get in or stay in the mood easily, maybe your partner not doing right things for you.. who knows, but most importantly you should not make it a mental block for yourself. There are many women having hard time to achieve orgasm even though they enjoy sex.

16th Dec 2011, 08:31 AM	#5
jargon EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Anyone who asks Location: New England Age: 22 Posts: 297 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: has anyone NOT gotten there? My best female friend has talked to me about this same thing a bit, so your definitely not alone. Its a new-ish issue for her too, so I cant give her as a shining example of how everyone gets over it or anything, but from my understanding it does happen to lots of girls, and most of them are eventually able to get there. In fact, both genders have problems with sex sometimes (admittedly its a bit different for guys), but seeing as evolutionarily-speaking sex is the most important thing we do, we're pretty well designed to make it work in the end

16th Dec 2011, 09:04 AM	#6
breakingboxes EC Addict Full Member Gender: genderfluid Orientation: BOOBIES!! Out Status: Out to everyone Location: USA Age: 22 Posts: 559 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: has anyone NOT gotten there? never had the big O... little o's all the time, but no big O...