Self Injury

I want to start by saying your story was a sad one to read, as to be expected. I can relate to a couple areas of it as well. I've been fighting self inflictions for a while, although not nearly as long as you. I expect this means its much harder on you trying to stop than it is me. Its somewhat like an addiction, very hard to get a handle on. I've also been threatened by "the loony bin", and I think it may be possibly a good prospect. I mean, I'm not saying I want to do it, because that's just crazy talk no pun intended. But I recognize that it may possibly be good for me, as well as maybe for you. Perhaps being there for a while with no way of being able to hurt yourself with help you learn to be able to get away from it for even longer and hopefully forever. As for the alternative methods, I've asked that of thie people here, and have gotten little, but a good thought was excercise. It helps your mind go over things in a relaxing way. Support is also very crucial to this process, you really need someone behind you to help you get through those bad times when you feel like you need to do it. This may or may not have helped, but if you feel like you need someone who somewhat knows how it feels to have this kind of problem (although all are very different) I may be able to offer some sort of hand. Much luck, and much love<3

 

when i was young i used to hit myself alot and scratch at my skin. i never really went into cutting but there were plenty of bruises. the counselers tried putting medication but it wasnt what i wanted and it made me feel like a freak? i joined up with shou shu kung fu (my favoritest martial arts ^^) and it gave me something to look foward to? it kinda sounds cheesy but it worked for me. find something you wanna do? idk if my advice was of any help but i hope you get better kk. <3

 

I have zero experiance with cutting but I just want to say that you are so brave for putting this out there and having your name next to it. Good work. You are one of the bravest people I know of.

 

First of all hun? You are NOT scum. We at EC care about you, as does your boyfriend. We all want to see you live another day and become stronger. I have also cut and continue to have VERY strong urges to do so. I have contemplated suicide several times in the last 5 or 6 years. While I have not experienced my parents divorcing, I do understand the cutting, rampant emotions, and things like that.
One suggestion my therapist told me about is when you want to cut, try to figure out what is making you want to cut, find the emotion or thought behind it.
Since you have been cutting for so long, it may seem like your routine, something that is engrained in your life. While some people do not understand why we do it, it serves a purpose. Until you find that one replacement activity though, you may not be able to kick cutting.
If you can and are willing,try to find a group activity to do. For example, a local coffee shop in my area has a Lesbian Connection once a month. Try and join a recreational sports team, or learn some form of karate. Take up yoga or meditation.

 

yay ^^ i have a special call number from a friend, if im pissed he lets me rant hardcore >....> you can find a buddy to text or call idk? friends are made for this reason XD to help you stand tall when you cant stand alone. <-- where did i hear that? O.e lol

 

I never got into cutting. I used to bite and pinch my hands and forearms mostly. I also wore rubber bands on my wrists so during really stressful situations I could pop myself with them. I would make it look like I was just playing with it, but I would do it hard enough to sting and leave read marks on my wrists. I picked up a razor a few times and pressed it to my skin, but I never broke skin. It just wasn't my method. The thing that stopped me from doing these things is writing. I'd always liked writing, creative mostly, but ever since my Mom took one of my journals and read it to everyone in the house and they all laughed at me, made a big joke about the stuff that was in there, I didn't trust writing any of my real feelings about anything anymore. But eventually I got over that and just kept my shit more private and let out all my agression through words on paper. I wasn't good at talking. My voice is strongest on paper. I propose picking up a creative hobby. Writing, drawing, coloring, even cross stitching all work for me. I'm no artist, but it helps just to stab a thick piece of paper with a coloring pencil or scribble out my agression. I call that my "Angry Art." I'm not a sports person, so athletics was never a good therapy method for me. If you can't get into sports, something creative could be a good release too.

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry any of us has to go through shit like this. But hey, it builds character. Maybe it's just the writer in me, but I don't think that's such a bad thing, gives me something to write about.

 

All those feelings: anger confusion, frustration, fear have to come out in some way. You don’t have anyone to direct them at, so you direct it at yourself.
Like you said your parents were too busy fighting to help you when you needed it, I can relate I was a knee biter.
As to why you don’t know that this is odd behavior, well in a sense all your doing is lashing out, but instead of mouthing off to teachers or smashing things up your hurting yourself. You want to do something but you don’t know what.
Anyway those are my thoughts.

Good luck

 

I don't know what to say, other than you are not scum, self harming is a kind of coping method though not a healthy one, and I cut myself as well. I understand some of what you are feeling, though my reasons are different.

I started just before Christmas, and haven't done it since New Year's Eve, but I really really want to. With recent exams, I feel like I can just never please my mother –*fighting with her was what triggered me to self harm at all. I still think of my cutting in the present tense, and just today someone was really STUPID in what they were saying about cutting in class and made me want to do it again. I find that to get past the urge of wanting to do it, I can try to be with someone, even if all I do is stay in the same room. I can write something unrelated to my feelings, and that will help me focus on other stuff. I can get out of the house and away from the razors, and that works for me as well. Please, do not try to convince yourself that you are scum. You are not.

To think on a couple of your points, you do realise it is not normal. But somehow you need to let out those emotions, find a way to cope, whatever, and you have no other way. In a way, I don't want to stop cutting myself either, but after a while I was able to think about just what it might end up doing to my life. I'm sorry I can't do much other than tell you what I've done, but I hope I can be of a little help, and that you find another, not destructive, thing to do soon.

(*hug*)

 

My counselor sent me to the hospital... twice almost immediately after I told her I was suicidal, it didn't help. This is the 4th week I've gone without cutting, and though it's a small achievement I am still rather proud of it.

I've stopped seeing my therapist, I can't tell her anything and you seem to have the same problem. I'm not really in a state to tell you that life is worth living, but the way I like to put it is that if not for yourself live for someone else. At least that way you'll give yourself more time to get out of the rut you've dug.

Normal depends on who you hang out with. There is no single definition of normal so don't worry about living up to it.

Cutting isn't something you just stop. If you aren't ready to stop you can't force yourself easily. My advice would be to find something to do. Being alone and bored just opens the door up wide for self harm.

If I'm wrong then I apologize but it looks to me like you're trying to punish yourself. It won't make any sense right now but ask yourself why. It's easy to tell yourself that you're trash or not worth saving but that's the thing, you're telling yourself that. If you say it enough it's easy to think it's true. You aren't a bad person nor do you deserve to hurt all the time, no one does.

I probably didn't give very much advice but I'm almost always on so feel free to talk if you need to.

(*hug*)

 

I understand and an relate a bit. I had a cutting habit for a few years from ages 16-20. I am twenty. At first it was to feel the pain physically that I was experiencing emotionally and mentally. For me it became a habit I didn't want to stop at the same time I didn't see how it was destroying my world and those who loved me. My senior year of high school I was hospitalized (saved my life). Then that summer I was hospitalized again. Then in november I was freaked out because of what my classmate will ask "where were you" to my friends and family at church.

I am bi-polar so before we really concluded that I was on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. Zyprexa, Seroquel, Lexapro, Lithium, Welbutrin, Norton, Risperdal. A lot. I am on Lamictal currently and seroquuel it tool a long time for us to find the right medication to help em feel better. It doesn't take all the pain away it clears my head so I can realistically look at my experiences.

Last november 2011 made a year of not cutting. So I have been clean for 1 year 2 months. It's possible and it takes a lot of work and it's something that you personally have to commit to. The hospital was hard I was in the adolescent unit so it was okay. They don't take kids after 21. So the staff was nicer and really wants children to get healthy so that as an older adult late 20's etc you don't have to ever come back.

I was also told by my foster mom "all that matters is you are helping yourself." there are stigmas around being gay and have a struggle. It's hard and some days will be harder that others but not every day.

If a hospital will help you then, don't think less of your self for it. There job is to help keep you safe and get you accurate help really fast. Which is what I like I didn't have to make future appointments when I left I had the best doctor that could take my insurance to see that monday.

You are not alone. All though it's been a year I miss it, which I googled because I thought I was alone. But it became my drug and I can't afford to relapse and before I do I'll go to the er.

one more thing my mom told me "don't make permanent decisions in temporary situations." I'll keep you in my prayers! You are not alone.

 

Every day is a process! I wrote thread about mental illness and being gay. Check it out! There are others who may have not commented on your but you are not alone. Never will be!

:music:ride::thewave:

 

I used to cut, burn, pull out my hair, and harm myself as a way of self-punishment and also somehow as a way to get attention. A few weeks ago I even started cutting at Church--I went to the kitchen during Sunday school and would take out the kitchen knife and try to slit my wrists. It surprises me that nobody would notice or comment on it. When it was really bad, I used to cut out words with the knife. The knives in the LDS church kitchens are very dull, as are the knives at my home. I used to hate myself for being attracted to women and one time when I was fifteen, I tried to hang myself in the basement. I was hospitalized for going insane when I was fifteen, hospitalized again for an OD the day before graduation, and hospitalized a third time when I was 21 for psychosis in a mental health facility for three whole months. I just try to take it one day at a time and wait for the day I can move out and be myself at last. Try to work on your talents and goals and never put yourself down. Also, remember to socialize. I sometimes work on my writing to the point that I obsess and withdraw from the outside world until it feels like I am an alien when I talk to others outside the family. Take things in moderation and find someone trustworthy to confide in.

 

I had a friend who was a cutter. Her counselor told her to put a rubber band on wrist and snap it when she felt like cutting. it might help