I have always suffered from anxiety problems. I get lasting anxiety from the most trivial of things, and often I will have anxiety about the same thing for weeks or months on end. Now I have started to notice that this anxiety is really starting to kill my sex drive. In the VERY rare moments when I dont have anxiety about anything, my sex drive spikes and I feel like my old self, but then the anxiety kicks up against and I feel absolutely numb. I have asked my parents to help me get anxiety medication, but they never take me seriously and often talk about how they dont want all of their kids on medication (because meds are bad even when they help). The anxiety affects lots of other things too, but my sex drive is the most noticeable thing to me. What can I do? How do I make this better? Any advice would be fantastic.
Kip, it's understandable why you would have some anxiety. You've had to hide yourself and who you are from your parents, and you've had to deal with their batshit crazy beliefs that are hurtful to you. So it's no wonder you've got some anxiety built up. But my guess is -- and keep in mind, my guess and $4 will get you Starbucks, so take it for what it's worth -- that you probably don't need medication. What you may need instead is some tools to understand the anxiety and, when it starts to build, some means of reducing it. There are some really powerful self-meditation and breathing tools that are pretty easy to learn that can be quicker acting than the medication, and, of course, avoid any side effects. PM me and I can give you some things to start with. So I'd say maybe try that first, and if you're still having major struggles, then look at considering medication. That way, you maintain more control over yourself and your body, and you don't start down a path of being dependent on a medication to help you feel "normal."
I'm going to echo Chip, and add that if you're experiencing that constant a level of anxiety that you should probably see a counselor who will be able to coach you longer-term than Chip or I can on managing anxiety.
Hey Kip, I'm sorry you're dealing with a lot of anxiety. I can really relate to the whole anxiety thing killing your sex drive. I also have lost my sex drive lately because of anxiety. I would agree that it'd be good if you could talk to a counselor who could give you techniques on how to deal with anxiety. They usually suggest that you first try behavioral therapy and then if the anxiety doesn't go down you can try medication. I don't know that much about medication but I do know that I was taking some at one point and some anxiety medications can actually decrease sex drive even more. It's possible that not all anxiety medications do that, but the one I was on made it worse to where I felt nothing. There may be some medications that work better for you but you'd have to look at the possible symptoms. If the anxiety gets really bad and you've tried other options, medication might be a good option. I think trying other options first is the best especially if you're worried about your sex drive. But it's okay to not always have a high sex drive because I think everyone's goes up and down at times. Even if you can't go to a counselor right now, you could try some anxiety-releasing techniques like what Chip and Mogget said. Some techniques that might be useful to decrease anxiety could be exercise, breathing techniques, listening to soothing music, talking to someone about your anxiety, and taking a warm bath or shower. There are many other ways to lower anxiety as well. It's important to come up with ways to deal with anxiety because you will be able to use these techniques all through your life when something stressful occurs. (*hug*) Feel better and you can message me anytime.
I'm going to have to sing with the choir. Meds are not as effective for anxiety as people expect them to be. And as much as I'd like to say that taking a pill would solve anxiety- it seldom does. And an ounce of coping skills is worth a pound of anxiolytic.
I'm definitely willing to try anything. I just dont know what to do anymore. It's not just my sex drive too. Most nights I only get about 3 hours of sleep because no matter how tired I am, I start having anxiety and being wide awake the moment I lay down.
The first place to start is to look at things that you might be doing near bedtime that are causing you to lose sleep- such as caffeine, light or mental over-stimulation. If you haven't had a physical for a while- it might be good to get one. Things like thyroid disease can have the same symptoms as anxiety. Therapy can be very effective for learning to manage anxiety by helping you learn what triggers your anxiety and how to stop it from escalating once it starts.
I really want to start seeing a counselor, but that is much easier said than done. If I ask to start seeing a shrink my parents are going to think there is something wrong (and they automatically always go to "Are you gay?!?!?!?!?!"), and then they will insist I see a Christian counselor, which would be pointless because I couldn't be open with him/her without being made to feel worse. Next year my college will have free ones I can go see, but that is six months away...
Be sure to look into the background of any one you go talk to. Best if they are gay, or is gay-affirmative. Anyone who is anti-gay is going to do you more harm than good. Many towns have free or low-cost services available. You may also be able to find a gay group that meets and talks about issues with one another, and often these are free to attend. Do a bit of research online to see what is available in your area.
