Okay, I have posted about this before, I think anyway... But as of more recently its become more of an issue Since the dawn of time aka when I began having sex I had a bit of an issue with um climax. And unfortunately it is NOT the typical issue of premature, I wish it were that easy. I have the opposite issue. I have always had a generally hard time reaching goal if you know what I mean. In all honesty it seems like to me my penis almost can't handle being stimulated enough to ejaculate. With masturbation it happens but I have to be quick about it or it gets kinda annoyed or irritated and goes away. I can be super arroused but I will still begin to lose erection after a while. Personally, I don't care. I don't mind having sex or doing sexual acts without getting off -- its not my goal in the situation. Problem lies in the others. With my longterm gf she thought it was weird she couldn't get me off (especially via oral or handjob is like impossible). I kind of have a guy I am hanging out with and recently hooked up with and the issue arose again, only he took it harder than my ex did. He thinks that it is him, which trust me it isn't. My ex thought this as well, but she didn't know I was bi which I think made it harder for this guy. He just assumes it is because I am more into girls which isn't the case, I am very much middle ground. I tried explaining it is my issue, but its hard for him not to feel as though he is doing something wrong. Is there anyone out there with this issue who found a solution. I think if I completely quit masturbating it will help make it a bit easier but is there anything else I can do? What about medication or something? I don't know how those things work but could that help? Its starting to make me really self concious which only makes the problem even worse. Any feedback is appreciated
First of all, if I were you I would not stop masturbating, quite the other way around actually. It sounds to me like you have a problem with "letting go". Most people do on different levels but most people won't have that exact problem of yours. That means... practice... making it casual, normal, not pressuring at all. An everyday thing. You could also go on a quest to find your triggers, porn maybe? Try many different types of porn and keep an open mind. Who knows, maybe you'll randomly find your own trigger thought that will bring you to orgasm when you want it... therefore reassuring your partners ...I'm a massotherapist, Kinesitherapist and tattoo artist. The letting go problem is much more common than what people think, and while the ones I've helped weren't sexual ones, I believe the way out of it is very similar.
In my experience, these sorts of issues are frequently tied to some level of unconscious discomfort with sex or being sexual. Basically, even if you are consciously totally comfortable with sexual situations, there can be feelings deeper down that somehow it's wrong or dirty or shameful or something. I've seen this most commonly among people who had a strongly religious or otherwise very judgmental upbringing. I don't know if any of that resonates for you, but that would be the first place I'd put my attention. It's important to not judge yourself. This is something a lot of people struggle with, and once you work through whatever the issues are that are causing or contributing to it for you, I think you'll be surprised at how quickly things can change. If you want further information and some suggestions on things you could do to explore this further and work through it, feel free to PM me and I'll be happy to share what I know.
I agree with the other posters, this sounds like a psychological/emotional blockage. Not something physical. It can happen when you are not totally comfortable with being sexual with the person that you are with, in fact I would say that it is a sign that you are not comfortable being sexual with the person that you are with.
This is the response have received before only I really truly believe and even feel in my heart of hearts that's not the issue. This isn't just something that's recent its been present before I even really having sex. In all honesty I think, actually I feel it has to do with one of two things. 1. I am very much a giver not a receiver during sex -- I would prefer to give pleasure rather than receive so maybe I have a hard time just accepting it when I am receiving. Or.. And this is how I think #1 developed.... 2. I have an actual physical problem. I have read a lot of things over the years and quite honestly I just think I am not as sensitive as other people; in fact physical stimulation does very little for me, I think the only thing that keeps me going IS the actual mental/connective aspect. I know it sounds bizare but in all honesty I just think there is a penis sensitivity issue. I mean sometimes it literally can feel like nothing is going on, I rely on other stimulants to know it is (ie visual/audible). Without going into great detail because there is probably just no need lol, I think it could be a sensitivity thing. I was kind of hoping there is a way of regaining or gaining more sensitivity. But I guess in the end it is just frustrating -- is there actually specialists that know about these kinds of things -- like physically cause I would like to get that sort of checkup cleared before trying to find an underlying emotional or psychological issue that I don't think necessarily exists.
Toremi, I know for a fact that you don't need to feel much (to be physically sensitive) to orgasm/release easily. It can actually cause issues for a person who feels too much, as in, they won't reach orgasm. But everyone is different. I can't honestly say I've lived or solved a problem like yours so... heh... Yet I still believe my answer should have been helpful somewhat. Yeah, you may have troubles for letting go, and you may have had that problem all your life. Who knows, maybe it comes from some event of your childhood that you forgot? Added info: ...lacking sensitivity is not an hindrance for achieving orgasm. Being a ftm, I probably can't feel that well through the "prosthesis" parts of mine, but I still reach orgasms and release quite (too?) easily. So honestly, other than to relax and try not to be pressured in any way, and to seek a trigger through practice and experimentation, all you can do is consult..
Thanks for the advice everyone! Chip I attempted at sending you a msg I don't know if it worked though. For right now I think what I will do is follow some tips laid out by an article I found on the internet, a lot of it hit home for me and basically it is just habit changing things that can make a difference if it truly is something physical as I feel it is. If that doesn't work then I will probably try to go the above mentioned route of some sort of therapist. Thanks again for the helpful advice -- here's hoping it just turns around
