I've noticed here at EC that there is a definite lack of discussion of alcoholism and drug addiction. Granted there is a resource for children of alcoholics (I was one), but threads discussing the nature of addiction in a GLBTQ context seem few and far between. A bit about me, I grew up with anxiety and other related emotional disorders (which looking back was most certainly related to sexuality confusion) and for the most part was able to cope through high school. But when I went to college, rather than seeing it as a means of exploring, I pulled father into myself and chose to numb my feelings through alcohol use. It started out socially, but slowly but surely drinking alone each night became the norm. On top of that I smoked pot heavily and eventually a way of coping with confusing feelings turned into a full on compulsion. I needed substances to feel normal. It went on like this until my junior year until it culminated in my developing panic disorder and agoraphobia. Suicidal thoughts even reared their ugly heads from time to time. In many ways all of these mental troubles were the wake up call, the inner me crying out to be acknowledged. Fast forward to now. I haven't smoked in 3 years and I drink seldom. It's interesting that despite growing up with an alcoholic parent and knowing the pain that came with that, I still chose the same unhealthy coping mechanism. So, I guess first I want to say that if you are in a similar place, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It always gets better. And second, any others who want to share, feel free to do so. Thanks!
Nick, thanks so much for sharing your experience. I think a lot of people are really ashamed to admit they struggle with such problems because it isn't "cool." And as you found out, a lot of times, when someone comes from a family where there's substance abuse, they are at higher risk because what comes with the substance abuse is a lack of coping mechanisms. While addiction and drug problems are present everywhere in society and no one's immune to the risks, it is particularly prevalent in the LGBT community, most likely because of the self-esteem and shame issues so many LGBT people struggle with. It's great that you've been able to get your problems under control. For those that might be reading this and struggling themselves, I'll echo your comment: There's always a way to get out from the pain of addiction, and there are quite a few people here at EC with firsthand experience either growing up in a household where drug abuse was a problem, or with facing drug abuse themselves. Talking about it is an important step to solving the problem, and there *is* light at the end of the tunnel.
I really don't think I'm struggling as much with a problem per se. *I'm really sorry if the mods don't like me referencing illegal activities* currently I smoke marijuana just about every day, ESPECIALLY when there's something wrong with my life. I've dabbled in a few hallucinogens, but I do not drink. Who knows, maybe I do have a problem, but I really don't know if I want to/can quit doing that stuff anytime soon.
A lot of the discussion about substance abuse happens in private messages. FYI for anyone who wants to talk about substance abuse issues via PM: One of the EC staff - Jim1454 - is available to talk to any EC member that wants to talk about addiction issues.
I have a problem with illegal drugs, but not as bad as it was a year or so ago. It's something I'm trying hard to work on, but it's hard to quit when it becomes a habit.
Congratulations for overcoming your addictions, Nick. It takes a lot of maturity to bring yourself under control once you've spiraled off the deep end. :eusa_clap Anti-gay crusaders often point to substance abuse as a sign of the GLBT community's moral depravity. To me it is so completely obvious that drug and alcohol problems aren't some inherent side effect that come with being gay. Rather, some GLBT people use mind-altering substances precisely because they are a means of escaping the hateful rhetoric, the isolation, the rejection, and the stigmatization they feel from family, friends, churches, colleagues, and society at large. This was absolutely the case in my own life. When I was closeted, and felt I had nobody to confide in, I sought out solitude and drowned my pain and frustration with alcohol. The inebriated buzz was a temporary relief, but after it wore off I usually was more miserable than before. Over the past 12 months, I've come out to about 20 family members and friends, and the temptation to drink heavily has subsided. Don't get me wrong - I still enjoy going out for drinks as a social thing, and I still love my cold microbrew beers with pizza, but the emotional context is completely different now. I'm not trying to escape life or avoid depression; I'm merely enjoying myself and having a good time. I have learned many valuable lessons from the coming out process. One of the biggest is that living openly and honestly does wonders for the psyche, for mental and emotional balance. You have more self-esteem and more confidence, and less shame. The pressure of secrecy is lifted off your shoulders. You become a less withdrawn, fake, and boring individual simply by being yourself. What a novel thought, right? :icon_wink And once your mental and emotional health are stable, you naturally treat your body better too.
