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Why can't I ever just speak up?! I might explode! :eusa_sile

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Mej7, May 18, 2012.

  1. Mej7

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    :eusa_sile
    I have always been anit-socail and while on some ocassions, and with some people, I can be loud, for the most part, I am a generally quiet person. My classmates call me mute, because I don't speak to them. I chalk this up to my dislike of them (I have a lot of hateful and immature kids in my class), but I don't talk very much to others as well. My ex bf always use to complain that I didn't talk enough and that he was always having to hold up the conversation without much contribution from me. My friends notice it too, and instead of getting better, I only seem to get worse. Today, my sister and I got in a fight. She said that she was tired of constantly ranting while I walk along side her almost completely "mute." She said that she wants to actually have a relationship with me that is equal, and that she is sick of my constantly shutting ppl out. This really hurt, because...
    1.) she has never called me mute- only my hateful classmates do so.
    2.) I'm so sick of ev1 getting mad at me for not talking enough.
    3.) I have my reasons for shutting ppl out, and while she doesn't know all of them, she knows more of them than most, and she knows enough of them that she should get it- or atleast get it well enough to not yell at me about it.
    Anyways, I have heard about things like selective mutism, but I really don't think that is what I have. I don't think I really have anything. Its just me. I have had some experiences that are reason enough for my being guarded, but I guess I don't have many reasons to talk as little as I do. While it is sometimes true that I don't have much to say, that is often not the case. I have plenty to say, I just don't always feel comfortable saying it, and I don't think it should all be said, nor would I want to say any of it to or around certain ppl. IDK. I don't think this is anything I can rly change- I will always struggle with it, but I don't want it to have such a great impact on my relationships. I don't want my sister to resent me for it, either. And, I should probably mention that I have some bad trust issues (esp.w/males) that can often add to this "problem." You know, I never thought of it as a problem before... But, I guess ev1 else who has whitnessed this in me has...
    :eusa_sile :help: :icon_sad: :shrug: :eusa_sile
     
  2. LimePopsicle

    LimePopsicle Guest

    As someone who's been in that position, I get where you're coming from. The only thing I can say is that your words are for YOU to use. And if you don't feel like using them, don't. But I'd you feel using them but are reluctant to, fight yourself on it and try to speak up. Granted, it's all up to you. If you want to open up more (as far as talking), then try to little by little. It's a process. You can talk a lot and still be emotionally closed off. You just have to choose if you want to change. And if you decide you want to, you need to set up a course of action and follow through with it.
     
  3. Z3ni

    Z3ni Guest

    Yeah I know how you feel.

    Do you feel you have a fear of being socially rejected?? Your scared you might get negative responses???

    Try changing your daily routines, do yo have a daily ritual that you do??
     
  4. Mej7

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    @LimPopsicle: thanks for the responce :slight_smile:
    @Z3ni: Sometimes, it IS fear of socail rejection, or negative responces, but sometimes its just because I can NOT speak up, and I don't really have a reason. Its kinda hard to explain... I just prefer to keep things bottled up and I have trouble discussing issues with others. Partly because I have trust issues, and partly because I just don't like to. And, I kinda like silence, you know?
    I don't really have daily rituals...
    I mean, I have school, and I have a routine there, and in the summer I like to go into the woods after school, but I don't really have an order to the things I do, and I don't really have my days all planned out (outside of school/classes)... why?
     
  5. Lad123

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    Hmm well the only thing you can do is to force yourself to talk. I know its hard because I kinda get anti-social at times too but you need to just talk about anything lol. One of my worries is that I tend to think that whatever I say has no merit and people dont care or value my words so I prefer to keep quiet. However, anything other people say I think of as great and worth listening to even though its random or stupid. Weird huh?

    I guess its just all in the head and you should just blurt anything out that you can think of.
     
  6. cara76

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    hey Mej7, you sound frustrated with people always asking you to talk more even when you don't want to. Something about being quiet seems to intrigue people- I always thought it worked opposite from what I intended :slight_smile:. I'm curious about what happens when you try to talk? What goes through your brain? My heart starts pounding, and my hands get clammy, and I worry about whether what I say will just fall on dead air. Or blank looks. Or someone will disagree.

    LimePopsicle is right - they are your words to say, or not. At least in the US, I also think extraversion is considered default desirable, which can make it hard to be your true, quiet self. On the other hand, you sound unhappy with how it's playing out in your relationships; you spoke about not talking because you feel fear or distrust or disdain more than any expression of who you really are. Maybe it's worth untangling your reasons...you may feel like you're punishing others or protecting yourself by not speaking, but it also sounds lonely. What do you want to share with the people you do care about? How would you do that? My two cents at least, from another quiet person...
     
    #6 cara76, May 20, 2012
    Last edited: May 20, 2012
  7. dano22

    dano22 Guest

    I had a severe shyness and anxiety in social situations all my life and in High School was seen as a loner by students and even teachers. I feared rejection and being closeted it was easy to shut people out and not let anybody in especially when I was surrounded by homophobes. I was in a resource room for my disability and most of class was homophobic therefore I completely cut myself off from them for the most part. My social skills teacher claimed that I was a loner and unwilling to make friends embarassing me at my IEP meetings. So I completely get where your coming from. I felt the same way for a long time and wish I could see that teacher and tell her what was really going on with me. It takes time for some people to become comfortable in social situations and that is not a bad thing at all.
     
  8. NickD

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    I think first you have to ask yourself do you really want to change at this point? For a long time I was comfortable with being quiet and shy and keeping to myself. The only way you can change (if you want to) is to become more comfortable in your own skin. Only when you dig yourself can other people really dig you (as my doctor so eloquently put it). It's a tough road, but it's easier traversed in smaller steps. Work on self esteem first and the rest will follow.