Every time I masturbate, right after I reach orgasm I feel a little filthy. That's not even the right word.. I should say more like disappointed that I spent an idle 5 or so minutes "monkeying around" with myself. Then there's also the worry about cleaning up and thinking, "eww, there's semen on my belly." This feeling luckily though lasts for only a few seconds then passes. I've had this for as long as I've masturbated. It's not a major cause for concern in and of itself, but I feel it's tied into my broader sexual anxiety and connected in part to why I'm still afraid to have actual sex. Any explanations or thoughts? Thanks.
No, it sounds like it could possibility internalized homophobia, whether you are consciously aware of it or not, which would also explain your fear of losing your virginity. However if this is also losing your virginity to a woman, then I doubt it's the case. I feel fine after, I don't mind the mess and honestly I really love semen. It could be as you said your sexual anxiety too though, so I wouldn't read too much into it All the best.
Do you feel the same way if you ejaculate somewhere other than on yourself? (such as into a tissue?) I know I get a little squicked out afterwards if I cum on myself simply because I just don't really like making a mess - so if you're anything like me that could be the problem.
This is very, very common, and has nothing to do with homophobia, because many straight guys experience it as well. As I understand it, it's partly a biochemical response that has its remnants in instinctual functioning; by causing us to think a certain amount of guilt or shame or "dirtiness" after ejaculating, it has the effect of allowing the body to recover a bit. If that wasn't there, in earlier times, we might never have stopped fucking to forage for food and other things Funny story: Many years ago, a friend of mine told me that he was trying to stop masturbating because every time he masturbated, he had a really bad day the next day (he only masturbated once a week or less.) So I gave him a suggestion, that he try masturbating every day for a week, and see how often he had a bad day. He looked at me like I was crazy, but said he'd try it. A week later, he came back with a huge grin on his face because he realized it was all in his mind, and was part of the guilt. And I explained about the biological thing and that seemed to help him feel better about it. I know an awful lot of people who have described exactly what you're feeling, including myself when I was young. I think once you realize it's a normal thing, it actually goes away. You probably will find that after you ejaculate, even when you don't feel dirty, you won't feel like masturbating (or having sex) again right away, and that, too, is part of that evolutionary remnant.
