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Recently lost my virginity and now my sex drive is gone! What gives?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by blue lagoon, Jul 23, 2012.

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  1. blue lagoon

    blue lagoon
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    Hey everybody, it's been a while since I last posted here, but I have a question on my mind I think you could help me with.

    I'm a 25 year-old gay guy. I recently met a guy online about 2 months ago. I live in CA, he lived in IA. We would talk on Skype and Facebook frequently. When I first met him, he told me he would be joining the Army very soon, and he had a party just after the July 4th holiday to celebrate his joining. I went and visited him from the 4th to the 8th, and soon afterwards we made our thing a somewhat official (at least Facebook official). During that trip. I finally was able to have sex with someone for the first time, and I had a great time when I was alone with him. I even got involved in a threesome, but I wasn't attracted to the other guy, so I wasn't aroused or anything. Overall, it still was a lot of fun.

    My (now current) boyfriend has left for Army basic training, and I've, well, been feeling a bit down lately. This is also the first relationship I've been in, and the fact that it's a long distance relationship is pretty hard on me. The fact that he's so remote (I don't even have his mailing address yet) is what's the most difficult. But that's not my main worry now. My main worry is that ever since I got back, I just can't get aroused at anything at all. Seriously, one month ago, I was looking at porn like every other guy, checking out guys, and enjoying it a lot. Now, I can't get it up for anything. Does anyone have any idea why this is? One of my theories is that I had fantasized about being with a guy for so long time, and over a very short period of time I got very physically and emotionally involved with someone. Now that I've fulfilled that fantasy, it's almost as if I don't feel the compulsion to pursue it anymore. OR maybe it could also be a depressive episode? I'm pretty confused as what to make of it. Surely, I'd like to be able to please myself while my boyfriend is away, but it's just. not. happening.

    Any help for an oddly frustrated guy?
     
    #1 blue lagoon, Jul 23, 2012
  2. mark

    mark
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    Depending on how down you are about your boy leaving, it could potentially be a sign of depression. And if I remember correctly, depression severely lowers your sex drive.
     
    #2 mark, Jul 23, 2012
  3. Bobbgooduk

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    Or it could be that you feel a sense of commitment and want him to be the one you enjoy sex with.

    During WW2, the army used to censor the soldiers' mail back home, so soldiers going on leave would sign their letters:

    With love and kisses, darling, until I see you...

    NORWICH

    Which is a city in the UK, of course, but was a well-known acronym for

    (K)Nickers Off Ready When I Come Home


    You may have just surprised yourself into feeling the sense that you want to keep it special between you and him.

    However - I'm not sure if I'd have wanted to be in a threesome so soon after I'd met someone. You say you thought it was fun, but I'm picking up different messages - you sound disappointed to me that it wasn't just you and Army Guy.

    Whatever it is, don't get depressed over it - you have to kiss a few toads sometimes before you find the prince, but it's all valuable learning experience so just think of it in that way. :smilewave
     
    #3 Bobbgooduk, Jul 24, 2012
  4. Koolladgirl

    Koolladgirl
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    it sounds like depression , do you know when he will be comming back on his term? maybe as time goes on and the closer he gets to comming back your sex drive will begin to come back.
     
    #4 Koolladgirl, Jul 27, 2012
  5. Lance

    Lance
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    I'll have to echo what everyone else is saying, it does sound like depression. The past few weeks I've been more depressed due to a few things and my sex drive has severely plummeted as well.
     
    #5 Lance, Jul 27, 2012
  6. ItsJustCricky

    ItsJustCricky
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    I agree, depression can cause a real change in libido. It may also be that what you shared with him outshines brown chicken brown cow porn and you just aren't interested at the moment. Maybe you can try setting aside some free time, do something that makes you feel good (I.E shower, bath, etc), and passionately fantasize about the sex you had with him and the things you want to do to him. Maybe that will spark it for ya? Good luck!
     
    #6 ItsJustCricky, Feb 6, 2013
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