first pelvic exam = lots of questions and no one to ask. oh, and I'm scared too

[Caoimhe Fayre]

hey, so I did it. I called my doctor's office and asked if I could make an appointment with a woman for a pelvic exam, and they referred me to a nurse practitioner. So I'm going in for my first pelvic exam and physical EVER in 20 days from now.

from what I've been told, it's important to get examined whether or not one has been sexually active, because it's not just about testing for STDs but also about checking to make sure everything is normal and there's no cancer or anything.

I've watched the videos online about what to expect and whatnot, but I'm still scared. I almost want to ask for someone to come with me, but I don't know who I would ask and it would be terribly embarrassing either way. I might even be more comfortable not having anyone I know there. I don't know.

Do any of you wiser, more experienced ladies have any advice? They said on the phone that there's not really anything I have to do or not do beforehand. I did see online where it said to avoid scheduling an appointment that might fall during a menstrual cycle so I counted and I should be fine that way. but it's still going to be awkward and uncomfortable and embarrassing, isn't it?

does it make a difference if I wear a skirt or jeans? when you wear the gown, can you keep your shirt/sweater on underneath or not?

is there anything I should know about or expect beforehand?

---------- Post added 31st Jul 2012 at 12:47 PM ----------

oh and should I be "out" to the person who will be doing the exam? do they ask about stuff like that beforehand? I think if I just say I'm not sexually active and I don't need birth control, they'll figure either I'm religious or I'm gay, right? or will they ask about orientation specifically? could my orientation actually impact anything?

[Dazzle]

It's completely normal to feel how you're feeling. I know I was scared the first time I went too. In my experience I wouldn't want anyone there unless they wait in the waiting area. There's really not much to it and it'll be over before you know it. It doesn't matter what you wear because you will have to completely undress and she will probably check your breasts for lumps too. I don't think they'll ask about your orientation they will probably just want to know if you are sexually active.

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by Caoimhe Fayre

oh and should I be "out" to the person who will be doing the exam? do they ask about stuff like that beforehand? I think if I just say I'm not sexually active and I don't need birth control, they'll figure either I'm religious or I'm gay, right? or will they ask about orientation specifically? could my orientation actually impact anything?

It's your choice whether to discuss you orientation. There's only two reasons that it matters- HPV and breast cancer.

1. Heterosexual women have a higher risk of HPV infection and therefore, cervical cancer. Women who have not had sex with a man may want to consider HPV immunization.
2. Lesbians and women who are not sexually active have a slightly higher risk of breast cancer (which seems to have a connection to lack of pregnancies before age 30).

[Koolladgirl]

it doesn't matter what you wear, u will have to undress, and unless you want to state your sexual orientation -you don't have to.

[Caoimhe Fayre]

ok so I'm still scared but I guess I just have to face my fear. better to be safe than sorry, right?

:/ just wish there were some other way for them to know that everything is healthy, without having to go through such an embarrassing procedure... but I guess there's not. lol

thanks, at least I know it's normal to be scared and that I probably won't die or anything, unless one can die from embarrassment.

[seeksanctuary]

Have courage. It will be okay.

You can ask to have a nurse in the room with you and the person doing the exam. That might help, if you have no one to go with you.

[peanutbutter]

I am so glad you posted this. I am freaking out I have my first exam on the 17 of august. I'm freaked. I have a question:

are you supposed to shave down there?

is it embarrassing?

What should I expect?

I know I should shower, but should I use "femine" wipes before hand?

I'm nervous..

[flyinhernikes]

Originally Posted by peanutbutter

I am so glad you posted this. I am freaking out I have my first exam on the 17 of august. I'm freaked. I have a question:

are you supposed to shave down there?

is it embarrassing?

What should I expect?

I know I should shower, but should I use "femine" wipes before hand?

I'm nervous..

ive not had mine yet but im due it.

no you dont have to shave or do anything to your hair that you dont want to. they are nurses, they have seen it all, dont be embarrassed. she isnt going to judge you on what you do or dont do to your own body hair, all she wants to do is check everything is okay. you arent going to sleep with her so dont go all out and do things to look your best for the nurse doing it, shes only going to see your for like 5 seconds!

apparently, its a bit uncomfortable but its over within a minute and if youre a virgin tell the person and im sure they will be extra gentle. i assume pelvic exams are the same as smear tests.... i hope so if so ive just given wrong info haha.

you can use wipes but you dont HAVE to, aslong as youre clean then thats all they care about i should think.

[Eleanor Rigby]

It's completely normal to feel worried before your first exam and that's something the nurse who will examine you will completely understand.
In such kind of situation, I usually tell the GP or the nurse that I feel anxious, that helps them to adjust their behavior, explain to me what is going to happen and to check I'm ok during the exam (what they usually do anyway).
I think it would be a good idea for you to tell the nurse that it's your first pelvic exam and that you're feeling worried during the discussion. She'll be able to reassure you about what she is going to do.
It's your call to tell her or not about your sexual orientation, but it's better to mention that you haven't been sexually active.
During the exam itself, you're not obliged to look at what she is doing. You can close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing, or chat with her if that helps you think about something else (I usually chat quite a lot during medical exams ).
It shouldn't be painful. Maybe slightly uncomfortable. But if what she is doing happens to hurt, do not hesitate to tell her.

I hope it helps a little and if you have further questions, don't hesitate to ask

Take care, Cécile

[katydidmischief]

My first exam, I was terrified, and I told the doctor as much. She was really sweet and said we only had to go as far as I was comfortable with and I could always come back a few weeks later to do the rest. I did have an anxiety attack but that was mostly just nerves; the only part that was uncomfortable was the pap smear and that was that.

[GreenRaven]

paps and pelvics are the not the same. imo pelvics are less uncomfortable. for a pelvic they simply insert a couple fingers inside and push down on your abdomen to feel for any abnormalities in the vagina wall. pap's they use the thingy to hold open your vagina a small amount so they can get a q-tip in to take a swab of your cervix and send it off for testing for cancer/stds. sometimes there can be a little bit of discomfort when they use the thing to open you up, but at least they use plastic now and not freezing cold metal >.< god i hated those days.

as the others have stated already, the only thing they really care about knowing is if you've been sexually active. so if you don't wanna tell them then don't

in my experience, every time i have had a pap or pelvic they let you know in advance "you're going to feel some pressure" or something along those lines right before they do anything. and with paps once they have the tool in and open they ask if you are alright. they ALWAYS use lube to make it as painless as possible.

and no, you don't have to shave. they aren't there to judge you on how well trimmed your bush may be....they are there to make sure your vagina and cervix look and feel healthy. Feminine wipes are up to you, but i've never done 'em.

honestly, i think every girl is nervous before their first pelvic/pap. it's completely normal. :3 no need to fret so much, longest part is getting undressed lool. they're out

[Ianthe]

If your hymen is intact, which seems possible, it may be more uncomfortable than otherwise, especially if the opening is small. When I had my first few exams, it was painful, even with the smallest speculum (which is the thing that holds the vagina open), and she couldn't do a pelvic exam vaginally. I ended up having my hymen cut surgically. If you can use tampons, it will probably be fine; I couldn't before. But even with all that, it wasn't really that bad--it hurt, but it wasn't for long.

Other than that, the thing that will make the biggest difference is your own ability to relax. If you are tense, you'll hold your muscles tight, and that will make you more uncomfortable. (The thing is to be able to relax physically--your muscles need to relax. Being nervous is fine, you just want to be able to relax your muscles.)


I think you need to tell the nurse if you are having sex with men or women. You don't need to tell her about your sexual orientation while you aren't sexually active. However, the doctor should be a safe person to tell--she won't judge you, and she's required to keep everything you tell her confidential. So, it's your call whether to tell her, but you might consider that it's a very safe opportunity to "practice" coming out.

A certain amount of anxiety and nervousness before your first exam is expected. For most women, the exam itself is awkward and a little embarrassing the first few times, and a little uncomfortable physically, but not traumatic.


So, the next paragraph probably doesn't apply to anyone who has posted in the thread so far, but a lot of people read on here that never post, and I think it bears mentioning:

If you have an issue that might make the exam more emotionally difficult for you, you might want to contact the doctor or nurse about it in advance. Some examples would be if you are prone to extreme anxiety attacks, or if you have been sexually assaulted and might find the exam triggering, or if you have dysphoria about your female parts and violently hate the idea of anyone touching them, ever. I really mean any case where there is an extra issue that may cause significant distress. In those sorts of cases, they may prescribe something like Valium, in which case you will need to have someone else driving you. But at the very least, they will be aware of the issue and be sensitive to it, and may allow more time for the exam.