Circumcision Thread Con't

Gazza!

Reading your post and seeing your head-banging at the bottom:

1. It occurs to me that some of the walls you're banging your head against have been built by you yourself

2. I don't believe that you WANT you life to carry on as it is, which is why you are frustrated

3. My partner is a complete drama queen when it comes to pain - honestly, it was a little uncomfortable, but with a few pain-killers he got through the experience without major incident. If you need surgery, it's not the end of the world. It obviously concerns you enough to worry about it.

4. You know that your family are your safe-harbour and that is all fine, but the natural course of things involves reaching out - and that is what you are doing on EC.

5. None of the things you have listed is insurmountable - of course, if you tried to do it all at once, it would be hard work, but if you pace it, it can all be achieved privately and discretely.

6. I guarantee (and I rrely guarantee) that whatever you think of your body, there is someone out there that will think it's adorable, even if you don't see it. Whether you think of yourself as overweight or too skinny, wimpy, nerdy - there are people that find all of that cute.

7. You have to let other people be the judge of you. Your predictions of a life alone will be a self-fulfilling prophesy, simply because you won't allow anyone in for long enough to change it.

8. If you're feeling so down about your situation that you wish it would all end, it indicates to me that you DO want to change, and I therefore recommend that you see your doctor. He/she will be able to direct you to all sorts of resources which will be of help to you. You can get other opinions on EC really easily, but ultimately you are the one that will have to act upon your circumstances.

9. Everyone here would agree that being gay can make things 10 times more difficult, but would your life be different if you were straight? You'd (probably) still be in your room thinking broody thoughts, worrying about your phimosis ore worrying about not finding someone to kiss. I thought that was interesting, by the way - you chose to talk about kissing, rather than having sex - you are a romantic at heart and LOTS of people would find that VERY attractive in a man.

Our situations are very different, but I do know the feeling of helplessness and lacking control and influence on how my life will proceed from here.

My experience has been that I couldn't achieve things on my own and that I had to accept help.

MayI ask you one question? Do you think your family KNOWS that you're unhappy, or do you maintain a wall around you that they cannot see through?

(*hug*)

 

I know that's how you feel, but you have to admit your feelings are being coloured by your circumstances, which seem bleak to you.

I'm sure you know your way around the internet - you can see people of every shape size and fetish enjoying each other's company - even people who dress up in furry outfits for fun.

You might feel alone, but it is a perception.

Ignoring the physical issue for the moment, how do your family react to you when they notice you're down? Are they supportive or dismissive?

 

Have yo thought of seeing a thereapist?

---------- Post added 5th Aug 2012 at 12:22 PM ----------

And btw on your penile condition I think there's a section on tht here in the health section.
Seee a doctor man, don't just live like tht. So many people on this world would be dead and wed have no medicine or anything if people thought like tht.

 

I've gotta ask: what have you actually done about these things? And I don't mean it to be mean, I'm seriously asking.

You've been on here a while now, and like you said, a lot of your recent posts are about the things you listed up there. But in other threads you also list how you're afraid or unwilling to take steps towards changing those things.

Don't get me wrong, I love helping people. But it's really hard to help people who believe there's no help available. So I'm not going to sit and rehash all the same suggestions you've heard from me (and other people) before on how to "fix" those problems. What I think you do need is a mentality change, and that's not really something anyone can do but you.

By maintaining a defeatist attitude, of course you're not gonna make any progress on those things you listed! It's really easy to give up; I think everyone here knows that. But you need need need to push yourself past that. It's hard enough for other people to help you do that, even harder for us to do since we can't be with you in person... somewhere deep down, you've gotta find that strength to make a change.

Start with something small. Most of the things you listed aren't going to "fix" themselves in a day. So make a little change. Try getting out of the house more or something - doesn't have to be to socialize, but just for a change of scenery. It's the same thing people do when trying to "lose weight"; you don't usually advise people go on crash diets and change everything at once, but rather you advise them to make small lifestyle changes that will add up to a big change eventually and will stick in the meantime. Hopefully that analogy made some sense. Additionally, by finding something small and having it be successful, that'll just motivate you to keep with it. That positive reward will snowball into changes you can actually see.

And finally, I think you should read up on self-fulfilling prophecies: Self-Fulfilling Prophecies in Psychology: How Negative Thoughts and Expectations Create Problems in Life | Suite101.com It's 100% what you're doing right now; by believing you're going to be miserable, you end up being miserable. It's a fascinating phenomenon and very real. Understanding it might help you make that change.

 

But how's that working for you so far?

I think that you're misunderstanding "like" and "prefer". It sounds like you don't necessarily enjoy doing things on your own, but you'd rather do it that way than have to talk with someone else about it.

It's been my uh, personal motto I guess the last few years, but when I'm faced with a problem I try and follow "if what you're doing isn't working, then it's time to try something different". Maybe that'll mean something to you.

 

You've been making threads about this for ages and every single time we've told you GO AND SEE A DOCTOR. You may not even have it, and if you do, you'll probably not need to be circumcised because there's other stuff that can be done about it. However you'll never know unless you make an appointment instead of worrying about it and posting about phimosis ad nauseum. Just phone your doctor, nobody will ever know and you'll probably just be given some cream or stretching exercises. There is no point in worrying about your parents finding out about something you don't even know you'll have to do.

 

You know... there's not a single thing on your list that you cannot change.

Sometimes, it's easier to blame the shitty things in your life and other people for your problems. Your problems are your problems but also they're also yours to change.

The question is "When will you begin to change them?".

 

Pick one thing, and change it. As KaraBulut said, everything on your list you can change.

Start with ONE thing. I would start with your body. You don't like it? Go to THE GYM. When you go to the gym it relieves a ton of stress and you feel way better about yourself. Being alone and sitting around fosters bad thoughts when you are unhappy. It was something a therapist once told me, and she was right. Go for a walk. Get out. Go to the gym. Mow the lawn. Do something. You will feel 1000000x better. Trust me on this.

Secondly, stop worrying about your parents. You are 22! Call the DR and make an appointment. See what he says. If you need to get circumcised I can tell you that it DOES NOT hurt that bad. My friend had it done (he's 18) about 4 months ago, and they give you pain killers to take. I spoke to him the day he got it done and he didn't even mention anything about it. He was fine. The DR might even be able to speak to your parents for you if needed too by the way...

You mentioned you can't find a job right now. So why not take ADVANTAGE of your free time and get your shit in order. Go to the gym. Get out of the house. And go see the DR. Get stuff in order, and once you start working, you will meet people at your job.

I'm not trying to sound like a jerk here...just speaking from experience since I went through some of the same stuff. It's all about YOU. You can choose to sit around, or you can choose to change things.

 

Well i have just posted on your previous post,stating that doctors are willing to listen.Now i have come across this one!

When you have read my other reply,I would suggest printing #1(this thread) which you wrote and also taking it to your GP and ask them if they feel you need help with depression or to maybe see some form of therapist.

Please dont take this reply the wrong way,I have been through alot in recent years and ended up seeing a therapist and having a few months on antidepessants (citalopram).You seem to show alot of signs suggesting that you may be a little depressed.Once again you dont know what is on offer if you dont ask.

Dont sit worrying,see your GP and get closure to your problems.If you get things sorted out you will be in a differant mindset and reread this in a year or two and wonder what you were worrying about.Things wont sort themselves out,they need YOUR input to get the help/advice needed to sort them.There are very few places where you can just walk in and get healthcare for free,YOU live where it is available,please,please make use of it.

 

i can relate to everything u posted besides #4. i do agree with the doctor part that has been brought up multiple times, if its not getting better see a doctor. i can really relate to the "never getting a bf", so dont feel too down on that, just try to make the best in life, even if it overal sucks a**. if u need anyone to talk to just talk to me k

 

All I have to say is WOW!!!!

You and I could be twins down to the last sentence. the only thing different between you and me is that I am not out and at this point I do not wish my life to be over. My best suggestion is go see a Psycologist. It souns to me that you have some depression. i am also On anti depressants I have ADHD and PTSD, so I am pretty well stable at this point. As for the circumcision issue, don't do it you will regret it. I was circumsized when I was a baby and I hate the way it looks and even feels when I do the lonley deed infront of the computer. I also do not have any friends except for the ones that live far away and most of the time I see them maybe once or twice a year. I Live at home and I am 33 years old. How is that for pathetic. I don't have a significant other but just sit here wishing for one that I would not be able to have because I am around family almost 24/7. and I am not out to anyone. so right now I can only dream of a guy to even have a relationship with. We all have our problems. the one way of dealing with mine is I went back to school and I am trying to make something of myself. Since I am on the computer 16 hours a day anyway I might as well get a degree in computer science ya know. I Hope this helps even a little. Just to know that there is some one out there that is like me gives me a greater sense of normalcey. Life is not all that bad just make something of it and you will be fine.

 

Aaron, I just read this post of you coming from your other post. Been 16hs in front of the computer is not gonna help you to change things in your life.

There are a lot of things you can do with little money. Do you play some sports for example? That would take you close to other people and will help you have a great shape.

Do you read... public libraries have free books. Study... study... if you want to improve your financial situation you must do that...

To end I send you this beautiful video I like a lot...

Everybody's Free To Wear SUNSCREEN! (ORIGINAL) + English Subtitles - YouTube


ACT, ACT right now... stop wasting your time! Life is wonderful!