Isolation Probelm.

[ShadowDragon]

So I have a probelm where I isolate myself from everyone. I hate being around people I dont know and I hate meeting new people. Some of friends say its just because I'm shy but I dont think its the case. I like being alone. When I go out to outings or anything I don't like talking to people. Everyone I ask for advice says to just speak but its hard for me. Its like when I try to my brain tells me not to and I look away. Even if I am shy its getting to be really bad. Its actually hindering my happiness and me meeting new people. I dont really know what to do. I didnt know where to put this so I thought this belonged in Health and Well Being.

[J Snow]

If you actually feel like it is seriously impairing your ability to function normal I would advise you to seek out counseling. It sounds like you are possibly describing Social Anxiety Disorder.

Social anxiety disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

However, only a licensed psychiatrist can diagnose for mental illnesses. Any situation in which you feel you are significantly suffering impairment in your every day life is worth speaking to a professional about.

[KaraBulut]

None of what you described is unusual or abnormal. Some people are naturally outgoing and some people are naturally more shy. The behavior starts very early in life and often is just what is normal for each person.

Originally Posted by ShadowDragon

Its actually hindering my happiness and me meeting new people.

^What is of concern is this. If it's something that is bothering you and you feel is something that is holding you back, then it's something that you should think about working on. That can be working with a therapist on addressing social anxiety. That can be joining drama club or a public speaking group where you are challenged to overcome your natural inclination to avoid social situations.

[AshenAngel]

I would really reccomend seeing a psychiatrist about this. They know what they're doing, and I know seeing one is really helping me out with a lot of the problems I have. Best of luck x

[quietvictory]

Hi ShadowDragon

I had the same problem and it started around the same age that you are. I hated being around people and felt so paralyzed in the presence of others. It drained me to go to school. I at first started skipping gym class because it would make me so nervous about it, then I started skipping all of my classes until I just dropped out of high school from absences. At this point I came across social anxiety disorder and realized I had a real issue I needed to work on. Been working on it for 4 years now and I have improved a LOT. Before, I had no sense of myself and little social skills, as well as having low social energy. I would sit in a room of people and not think to say a single word for hours. Now, I have accepted that I'm an introvert who needs a lot of time alone to connect to myself and recharge, but I also now come across as confident and laid back and have pretty good people skills when I do put myself out there. I have a lot of things to say and enjoy interacting with people as long as I have my me time.


Here's some things that may help you, that I have tried, some have worked, some haven't, but they are all worth looking into.

1) Counselor. Sometimes the fear of going outside or of embarrassment/vulnerability, the fear/hatred/whatever it is of talking to people can come from deeply personal issues about self confidence, perfectionism, past traumas (parents divorcing or family issues), etc. Talking to a counselor will help guide you to see if you are acting out of faulty thinking patterns from the past and show you how you can change your thoughts to support the actions you desire... Or vise versa.

2) Self discovery. This will most likely happen on it's own, seeing as you're young and have not been put in many situations to learn from. But I can say that for me, knowing myself, who I am, what I'm good at, what i'm not so good at, what I want out of life and from social interaction, ETC, makes me feel so sure in myself and my place in the world. Try to do things a bit differently every now and then, do something that is uncharacteristic of you (for instance join a new group, get a job that you are unsure of, or go on some travel adventure). This will get you out of your comfort zone and help you to see what you can handle and what you can't. From that, you'll gain trust in yourself

3) Take care of yourself!! Especially your health. Sometimes, anxiety, or low social energy, can be as simple as a physiological health problem. Look into magnesium, B12, and vitamin D deficiencies. A blood test would be a good idea. Keep up on exercise. Look into possible hidden food allergies (a lot of my social phobia was caused by a gluten and dairy intolerance that was inflaming my nervous system!). Get enough sleep... Eat healthy, low sugar. Drink water. You know, the little things

Most importantly, don't judge yourself for this. A lot of people have this problem in their lives! It's actually really common. I've come to this point where I can straight off tell strangers that I have social anxiety, and they all end up relating to it or saying they had that at one point in their lives too. Then when they tell me that they had it also, I am able to take down my gaurd a bit and really put myself out there and make friends. I give you great kudos for realizing this problem that you are having, and actively pursuing a solution. You're on a good path and there are ways to avoid this habit of isolating yourself. It's a bit different for everybody though, so just make sure to exhaust a lot of possibilities.

You can PM me if you are ever struggling with this and need somebody to relate/talk to.

[Rygirl]

Hey, similar to you and quietvictory I am an extreme introvert, coupled with mild agoraphobia, wherein I physically cannot relax in company or large spaces. This alongside two years at an isolated university meant that I spent about a year and a half hiding in my room. I managed eventually by spending time in a room of people, but having regular breaks, excusing myself to use the loo or something to collect myself and take a breather, then going back in.
The trick I found, was to have back up plans, know that at some point I am going to just have to excuse myself to be alone, and know how I am going to do that, so I can have a social life and stop my discomfort and anxiety from spiralling out of control.

[Mindhustle]

I can relate as well... You're not alone.

I'm supposed to be in the prime of my life (30s) and I've become more and more isolated and afraid/scared to meet anyone new, be it work life or social life.

As others have said, it does sound like social anxiety from what you are describing but seek this answer from a qualified professional. And it's something you can manage.

My only suggestions are to seek help from a therapist to understand how you can work to better assimilate into situations that create anxiety... Or fear... Or worry. And take a strong, personal self-inventory of your triggers. What creates this feeling? Situations? Past experience? It's takes a lot of digging and searching. And it can affect you at any point in your life. I used to be outgoing, athletic, funny as hell, extroverted, a go getter at work... And a chronic health issue has kept me locked in my own mind/anxiety/depression and condo the past 6 years. Its not a fun existence, but it must be faced and tackled head-on or it will continue to get worse. The good news is, you can be you, no matter who that person is, be it introverted, and shy or the life of the party or somewhere in between.

External factors influence so much, particularly when dealing with sexual identity/orientation. I've read several studies that idicates those that deal with sexual identity also suffer from social anxiety... Particularly among males. It's not uncommon ground for us. And you should not feel badly about yourself or who you are or how you identify. You can live a fulfilling life, complete life even being an introvert. I've had to learn to accept that myself--I'm not putting pressure on myself to be "who I was" because it only serves to fuel my anxiety. Acceptance is so key in all of this.

Whatever you choose to do, please be easy on yourself, be good to yourself and your body. You are already taking action by posting your message, and that's a great start! It means you care enough about yourself to start digging into your thoughts and feelings.

[quietvictory]

I love how supportive this forum is... <3

[VanceEverett]

I think you have Social Anxiety Disorder. I have a friend that seems to have the same situation like yours. He doesn't want to go outside and meet other people, even going to the mall. All he wants is to stay-at-home and play video games. It can be a social phobia also that you have to overcome, your friends surely can help you.