good websites??

Have you thought about talking to a therapist who knows about gender identity issues? I think that is your best bet right now.

 

My guess is that he is currently seeing a therapist, correct? It might be worth it to ask him for information and to see if you can have session with him or if you should have sessions with another therapist.

As for getting your answers, we have a decent amount of members who have either transitioned or are going through the motions so talk to them can be helpful.

Also, just curious, have you talked to your partner about which pronouns they are ready to start using? If they are transitioning and they are ready to start using female pronouns, then you should probably get in the habit of doing so.

From what I hear it isn't easy for either partner so let us know if we can help with anything. I'm not trans so I can't help when it comes to explaining how it might feel, but I do have some basic knowledge if you have any questions in case you want to talk about it in a more private way.

 

I guess Canada has a different system? If you guys don't have a therapist I would really recommend getting one. This thing is going to have its up and downs, and its going to be way easier to handle if you have the expertise of a professional to help guide you guys.

I'm a bit confused. Will he have surgery before starting HRT?

I'll look into the laws for Canada ans see what I can find. Maybe someone here can clarify that for us.

 

A therapist is a very, very helpful tool, and its legally a requirement in order to even get started on HRT or surgery. I did some research and it does seem to be the same in Canada, but still looking into it. I'm still confused as to how your boyfriend started on HRT without a therapist if it is the case that the laws are similar to the one in US :/

As long as you are talking to a therapist who specializes in trans issues then it shouldn't do any harm at all, and should in fact be able to help you and your partner a lot. If he doesn't want to go to one, then you should look into going to one by yourself.


Also, if your boyfriend is so far into transitioning, then you should really start trying to call her by the appropriate pronouns. Not doing so can be very hurtful for your partner. I know its hard, but for many people that is a very important step.

 

I have friends right here Iowa that got on HRT without any therapy. One of my friend had been self-meding for a few months before going to a doctor, and when they went in and told the doctor what they were doing they just gave them a prescription without any therapist approval.

My doctor just writes his prescriptions with the reasoning as "hormone imbalance" as opposed to "gender identity" and I think its kind of a way around the system. I honestly think its not as hard to get on hormones as people think it is, at least in Iowa. Granted I had been in therapy, and did get therapist approval, but pretty much once I made the decision myself that I wanted to start, I had prescription in my hand within two weeks.

That's not to undersell the importance of a therapist. On the contrary I was in therapy for 9 months before really pushing for her approval, and I'm incredibly glad I stayed in there that long. It was a big help.


I feel like if your partner is already on HRT and taking such drastic steps towards transitioning as getting surgery, it would probably be more appropriate to refer to them as her and your girlfriend. As TheEdEnd said I would discuss their feelings on this with her.

Are there any trans support groups in your area you would be able to attend with your partner?

Also, what surgery is your partner planning on getting this early in HRT? I personally don't think its wise to get any cosmetic surgery this early in because their body is still going to be changing dramatically over the next couple of years. If you cosmetically change it to an ideal image now it could look drastically different in another year of hormones shifting things around. Some exceptions likely exist such as a tracheal shave, but I would strongly recommend they wait on any facial or breast surgery.

 

Thank you! That's what I was missing!

I do know there are many ways to get around certain things like buying hormones without a prescription and even going to different countries to get surgery for cheaper and without the hassle of having to jump through hoops. And I do get some of it because having to have someone to tell you that you are "trans enough" to get surgery or have to prove it has to be so horribly annoying and degrading. Not to mention ridcs expensive.

If your partner is going that route, then I would just say tread carefully. There are many horror stories about things going badly.

I also think that going to a support group is a great idea!