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Have you ever been so depressed you laugh through your tears?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Bree, Sep 29, 2012.

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  1. Bree

    Bree
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    I just find myself with tears dripping down my face and laughing aloud with disbelief.

    I don't think I've ever been this depressed before. The funny thing is, I don't think anyone's noticed. I have a very solid public face, that looks as vulnerable and sincere as a kid. At this point, I don't think I'm close enough to anyone to fully let my guard down- and it's HARD. I feel like I regress into a child.

    I'm behind in school, I'm so overtired but can't seem to get to bed on time, I'm taking care of three motherless kittens, I have to find a place to live by the end of next month, I need to find a job before my money runs out, I'm starting to realize that I'm borderline anorexic, I can't figure out my gender, I feel like I'm giving up on my dreams and will never have a future that will make me whole, and my teachers would call this a pretty serious run-on sentence.

    The person I've been closest to is my twin, but she has a boyfriend she's constantly fighting with and a husky puppy and no time for me. I help her with all her problems, but she can't see when I need her. My other family's in Hawaii with my little sister's volleyball team, and anyways mom told me that she can't handle being my emotional support any more and I should find a counselor. I tried one at school, but she was too businesslike for me to trust her. I can't afford a different one.

    I don't know what to do. I just want someone to notice me and ask if I'm okay. I just want someone to give me a hug and tell me everything will be alright.
     
    #1 Bree, Sep 29, 2012
  2. RueBea85

    RueBea85 Guest

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    I'm Canadian eh?
    Wow, you sound a lot like how I've felt in the past and sometimes I do find myself going to that dark place again. I've had an eating disorder before, it was during high school but I was able to overcome that. And everything you have described I can totally relate to it! I'm also out of a job at the moment and need to find one at the end of the year or I could face being kicked out of my apartment. I just want you to know that you aren't alone.

    This may be a really tough time, but just know that life has a lot of ups as well as downs. If we didn't go through the tough times, we would take the good times for granted.

    Is there anyone else who you could talk to? You mentioned that you're behind in school, do you mean the courses you're taking at the moment? Or do you mean going to school in general? Are there any support groups that you can go to at the school you're attending? I also remember talking to my doctor once and she set me up with a therapist and I didn't have to pay for it. Is there any way that could happen for you?

    What about keeping a diary or writing out how you're feeling? I know that writing things out always seems to help me try to sort out my problems.

    And I know you can get through this, everything will be okay, just try to remember that sometimes life can be really sucky, but you'll be a lot stronger and when you get through it. You sound like a strong person, dealing with everything you've had to deal with. Just keep your head up. (*hug*)

    (Sorry for the short novel.)
     
    #2 RueBea85, Sep 29, 2012
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