Honestly, if I see one more post on FB just telling me to "choose to be happy", I'll snap. People post these things, thinking they are great uplifting quotes - you get to choose your feelings, didn't you know? Except if you're me, struggling with an undiagnosed mental illness. Feeling hungry but knowing I'll vomit if I try to eat because my stomach is constantly in knots, feeling SO tired but when I lay down to sleep being unable to or on the rare occasion when I finally DO fall asleep after HOURS of trying and watching that damn clock, waking up from dreams that are so disturbing that they make me nauseous, trying to function through emotional pain that is so overwhelming that focusing on anything else is a challenge, trying to always keep going and be strong for everyone else when I am just so damn tired. If you're me, or like me, then no - no you don't get to choose your feelings. And being told to just "choose to be happy" is like a slap in the face. Like someone telling you that your struggle isn't real. What the hell do they know? Saying you can just "choose to be happy" to a person with mental illness is like saying you can just "choose to be healthy" to a person with cancer. IT'S NOT A CHOICE!!! I am so sick of being guilted when I'm struggling so much. People just don't want to talk with you unless you can be happy or cheerful or positive all the time - but you know what? If you don't want to talk with me when I'm hurting, why the hell should I want to talk with you when I'm well? I'm so sick of people saying I should just FORGET all these hurts, these memories, that are struggling to get my attention so badly they are showing up in my dreams every night. Don't they think I've TRIED to forget? I've wanted to forget so badly, I'd rather be dead that have to keep remembering, but I don't get a choice!! Being beaten at five years old, for crying after a nightmare. A night sharing a room with a blond boy, when we were staying at his dad's house, that I STILL can't remember details from but I keep getting flashes of. Another one of my mom's boyfriends vanishing from the picture all of a sudden, because he molested one of my friends. A man trying to break into the house when I was ten years old, home alone with two younger siblings. A man throwing stones at me on the beach until I ran away, and getting in trouble for running away from him later. Being told by my mother that she didn't love me anymore, being sent to live at my dad's and having her cut off contact for several months when I was eleven years old. Being told I was disgusting and unloveable because I didn't make it to the washroom in time when I was five. Being told by my grandfather that I am useless, worthless, unloveable and stupid when I was sixteen. There's SO MANY MEMORIES and they ALL hurt and I'm NEVER allowed to just talk about them, to let them out, so I carry them around ALL the TIME. And I'm supposed to just, be okay? HOW? I'm supposed to just CHOOSE to be happy, CHOOSE to not have been abused and neglected for my ENTIRE childhood? Or just somehow CHOOSE to not have any of those formative years impact me now? I'm sorry for ranting at all of you, but I REALLY need somewhere where I can just let it out for once. I'm hurting so much, and I can't choose to escape my head, there's no way out without getting labeled a "coward" and becoming responsible for hurting everyone in my life who supposedly cares so much that they never want to be advised of my pain or be around when I'm going through a break down. I feel like, all these people say they care, but they don't care enough to sit with me through all the pain that I need to work through, or to actually listen. And I can't get through it alone.
(*hug*) There's such a massive stigma against mental illness to the point that people either don't acknowledge it, or acknowledge it but don't understand. It's really difficult to find people who can listen and understand unless they've been through it or been close to someone with it. Point is, I feel for you, I really do. And of course you should vent here as much as you want. I guess the first obvious question is... are you currently talking with anyone in-person about this? A therapist, counsellor, or someone similar?
I have an appointment on Monday with a Nurse Practitioner, and a Psychologist, because I kind of started crying randomly in one of my classes on Thursday, and I was in counseling for most of Thursday afternoon and Friday morning. It just REALLY pisses me off and kind of hurts when people post/share things like "happiness is a choice. it always has been. choose to be happy now!" on Facebook, because it feels like my existence as a human being is just not accounted for. my teachers (who are nurses because I'm in the Personal Support Worker program) think I might have PTSD and that something has triggered my break down. I was literally incoherent on Thursday, just crying a lot and talking about some things that have happened recently and mostly things that happened a full decade ago. my teachers are the ones who made me go to counseling, and one of them even stayed there with me to make sure I was okay. it's just so frustrating to have to constantly be exposed to comments from people who apparently have no idea what mental illness is. I wish I could punch the person who posted that last post and then tell her to choose to have her nose stop bleeding, but I can't (since I don't want to get charged with assault). so I'm venting instead...
(*hug*)(*hug*) I hate the stigma against mental illness or even just showing other emotions besides happiness. It's like this unspoken rule that you're not supposed to talk about things that hurt you because if you do you're "dwelling and purposefully making yourself sad." I can't make myself sad, just like I can't make myself happy and what's wrong with dwelling on something that's hurting me a little. Seeing as the alternative is to repress it, I think I should dwell, express it, then heal and move on. Sometimes a person can feel ashamed of not being happy because people around them have this "ugh, :dry: why are being like this? Just stop, don't acknowledge your pain, that will make it go away" mentality. They like to turn a blind eye on the ugly and that kind of attitude is what leads to people experiencing the bad things that make them unhappy in the first place. I wish more people would understand that you can't ignore the pain away and acknowledging your pain doesn't make you weak. And even if you forgive and forgive throughout your life, you can never forget. People shouldn't try to force you to forget. People are dicks sometimes, honey bun. I try to ignore them. But even when I'm not listening to them or I think what they're saying is stupid, their ways of thinking still get to me which is why I haven't talked to anyone about my molestation in ten years. I just dealt with it on my own from the age of 9 to now because I didn't want to seem weak. I mean, shit, whenever I would try to talk to my Grandma about how I felt getting bullied in school, she would wave me off with an annoyed grunt and a "jesus girl, just stop thinking about all this, go be a kid for once." Talking about the slightest emotion in my house that was "negative" meant I was making a big deal out of nothing. I didn't want to seem like I was making a big deal out of our family friend taking me over his house for "sleep overs" with his daughter, so I kept quiet. I never understood why people were like that. I understand completely where you're coming from and hopefully one day the stigma against mental illness will at least decrease over time. It's all about educating people, but as we know, you can't educate someone who doesn't want to be taught. Hang in there. (*hug*)(*hug*)
I'm glad to hear that you are seeing somebody about this. I'm also glad that you have teachers that helping you. It really bothers me that some people think that happiness is a choice. Most of my extended family believes that mental illnesses do not exist. I remember one day I asked them if on a bad day they choose to be sad, they responded that they did not. I then asked them how they would feel if everyday was like that. They did not respond.. instead they changed the subject. I wish there was some way that we could educate these people. Even if we tried to.. they most likely would not listen.
I think we need to start using the media to normalize and unstigmatize mental health disorders. Normally unless the media jump on board, people just don't ever get it. It just really sucks. I can't choose to not have a mental illness anymore than I can choose to not be gay anymore than I can choose to not be the height that I am. It's all just a part of who I am, of what I have to live with.
There are organizations that fight against the stigma of mental illness. In the US we have NAMI, and I'm sure there are Canadian groups, too.
Pisses me off too. I did tell off one kid though who was like "you think emo kids don't smoke weed?" cause personally don't feel emo exists. But I'm just not going to go into details there....I'm just saying more that there isn't some thing kids can just use to be all "I'm depressed, I'm going to cut myself" when there are plenty of kids out there already who are depressed and are thinking of cutting themselves without having to dress with the Bieber hair and certain types of clothes and like only certain types of music. For some people it's real, others apparently have made some sort of fad out of it....and I'm done ranting. But what I want to say is that while I hope some day Caoimhe I hope you will feel happier, I know it's not going to be something that you can just snap your fingers, but I hope whoever you speak with will help you reach that stage.
Fist off (*hug*) Try not to just them too harsly, for they know not of what they speak. Unless you have a mental illness, or are close to someone who has one it is hard to understand what it is like. I've had people tell me I need to just be happy, and I agree that is horrible. So if you need to talk, or rant, or need someone to just lean on we are here for you.
I hear you! People stigmatize and misunderstand mental illness to the point that beyond professional help, it is really rare to find people who genuinely get it. "Don't worry, be happy" is naive and is not the solution for serious medical problems. No one would tell that to a diabetic or a person with another physical ailment but they don't see that mental illnesses are just as real. You're being smart about seeking help though. Often the people in our daily lives just can't handle expressions of feelings that aren't sunshine and rainbows so our only outlet for those feelings becomes interaction with professionals. Best of luck! (&&&)
Well, to some extent, people can choose to be happy. It's not like it's always an option though. For instance, someone may be having a bad day, and just because the beginning sucks, they automatically anticipate the rest of the day to be bad, and that's what affects their mood and the outcome of their day. Now, if someone had a bad beginning to a day, they could turn it around and say, it can only get better, and then your mood is affected positively, and the outcome of the day is then altered to fit your mood. Although, not everyone can just say this that easily. I can do that, I can make things happy, and positive, but nobody can expect EVERYONE to do that, because everyone isn't the same. People that have mental illnesses for sure can't choose to be happy, because there's a more traumatic reason for their illness, people that don't have one, most likely can choose their happiness because they haven't experience a lot or any trauma at all. It's based on your life and experiences on whether you can choose to be happy or not. Not everyone can choose it.
i am sorry such terrible things have happened to you - i am no stranger to childhood abuse myself. to me, choosing to be happy is more about re-taking control over your life. no, you can't just wake up and "decide" to be happy, but what you CAN do is take steps towards getting there, such as seeking out therapy. a history of abuse and being happy are not mutually exclusive. you won't ever forget the bad things that happened to you, but you can learn how to deal with them better, how to not let them define you. it takes a lot of work, but it is worth the effort.
I saw my nurse practitioner on Monday last week, and she started me on cipralex which she said will help with both my anxiety and depression. Plus, I got switched to a female counselor (I've been going to a male psychologist for a few months, but I have a lot of trouble really opening up to a male, and I didn't want to offend him by saying as much), so now I'm really working on getting better. But I still think it's really frustrating when people expect me to just be able to snap my fingers and suddenly be in a good mood. If it were that simple, I'd have done it sometime during the past twelve years of my life. But the fact is, since the time I was about twelve years old, I've struggled with depression and anxiety. I used to have anxiety attacks in high school. I think there was definitely a major (and a few minor) trigger to this latest breakdown, and the biggest trigger has been removed from my life now, but I can't really remove the fact that my mom is breaking down and needs support or that my little sister is living with a friend instead of at home, though I can try to stop allowing my mother to lean entirely on me for emotional support - except then, what if she does something and it's my fault because I wasn't there for her when she needed me? Anyway, I am getting better. studying again, taking medication every day, catching up in school... and it really could be just a chemical imbalance, I mean, yes, I've had a lot of trauma pretty much ongoing since I was little, but I've had years and years of counseling too, and the mood and anxiety disorders kicked in around the same time I hit puberty, which makes me wonder if this isn't just a lifelong imbalance that I'll have to cope with.
Congratulations on taking steps to get the help that works for you! I hope that you continue to make progress in processing your traumas and reaching your goals. Cheers!
Why is it so hard for those "dont worry be happy" type people to accept negative emotions? I always find that so confusing. We are all human, we feel the full spectrum of emotions. It's part of being human. So do those people want to be robots or something?
It does seriously piss me off when people say you can choose to be happy (or choose to be calm in my case sometimes because I am manic depressive). How do you explain to someone who has never felt that way that sometimes no amount of will power can even get me to lift my hand or move my leg. On the other hand, you do have some sort of choice, because you can choose whether or not to get help. You are in charge of your own happiness, it's just nowhere near as easy as those idiots on Facebook think.
