i think that i'm going crazy and it's starting to affect my actions.

"the feeling that i felt this morning ultimately led me to do something that i sort of regret. i don't think i was in my right mind when i did it."

this is the part that sounds like a problem. other than that i was going to say that sometimes i feel detached from reality. i've always had a difficult time feeling like i'm a real, physical person. however, this feeling rarely causes me distress or paranoia, i accept that reality can be unreal. everything can be fluid rather than solid, the things that i perceive are not exactly the same as the things anyone else perceives. do you read any philosophy? there are countless ways to deal with reality.

and as for the marijuana, i use a lot of drugs. a lot. a lot, a lot, a lot. but i did not use drugs as a little girl when i first felt this feeling of unrealness, so i do not relate drugs to this feeling at all.

 

honestly no, maybe because i've felt this way for as long as i can remember so i'm used to it. if it's fairly new to you then yeah i guess it'd be disturbing. the next time i notice it i'll try to figure out if anything triggers it, or if it just happens. it seems to come out of nowhere, like suddenly i'll realize how unreal i feel.

i decided to use drugs because i wanted to experience a different state of mind. i wanted to see how real they were. and no they don't make me feel detached, they actually have the opposite effect on me: i feel more real, more physically real. i figure if a physical substance can alter my consciousness then i must be real. my body must be a real physical thing if it can behave differently when i ingest various substances.

you also mentioned that you feel paranoid that people are judging you. i don't care what anyone thinks, and maybe that's one reason why it's so awful for you. i'm not a doctor or anything, just somebody who's experienced in weirdness, so here's the best advice i can think of for now: the next time you feel this way (if it happens again) don't try to escape the feeling. analyze it, keep yourself aware in the moment and try to embrace it as an experience. and try to keep other people's thoughts out of your head, that is probably contributing to your anxiety. if it is something that is physically wrong with your brain then of course a doctor might be necessary. it could possibly be an anxiety disorder, it actually seems like dissociative anxiety. and i'm pretty sure the best treatment for that is to learn to gain control of it.

 

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