Telling my girlfriend about my experiences with abuse

Well I would first think about why you want to talk about this now, and if maybe a therapist would be a better person to talk about that part of your past.

I know from past experience that a lot of people, even those who truly care for you sometimes cannot handle that type of discussion.

My past was similar in only that it was very abusive and when I started to want to talk about it to family, I was told that they really didn't want to hear it, and that it would be better in a professional setting.

But you know your GF and if you still want to discuss what happen maybe start out with a small incident, and see how she responses.

I know it is very hard to open up about these types of things.:icon_sad:

Good Luck, and I hope it goes well.(*hug*)

 

I think you should tell her bit by bit.
If you want to tell her and love and trust her enough to tell her then do so. She might be able to comprehend it and maybe even offer some kind of support about it. Or she won't, and wont want to talk about it any more but how bad can that be for you. You don't talk about it anyway so id say why not.
But if you still see or live with your dad and she know him she might develop some kind of hatred or fear towards him. And that could cause problems.
So personally from my own experience of how i told my girlfriend about why i moved around a lot as a kid and about my dad i found it better to start with how things first started to happen and kinda just tell her in little bits at a time. So i weren't to much for her to take in but she is starting to have a real idea of what went on. She still doesn't know like everything, all the details and maybe she never will cause there's prob just a lot. But she can understand why i no longer speak to my dad, and refuse to get back in contact with him, tell him about her or that i am now on the way to hormone treatment to become a guy.
Whatever you decide to do good luck with it. I hope it goes well for you.

 

I struggled with telling my ex about the abuse I experienced when I was dating him. It may have been easier for me though because it was still happening when we first started dating. I honestly don't remember how I told him, but I think it was just in casual conversation. Maybe you could be like "you how in class we were talking about abuse....well I have a similar experience..etc.". I understand it may be a bit awkward, but it is great that you want to be honest with her and I'm sure it will be fine. If she cares about you it may make her sad for you or angry at your dad, but it may bring you two closer having shared something so personal and painful with her. Best of luck .

 

I feel like I bring this up in almost every post I make, but in this case it is very relevant so I will share. I was sexually abused for years, starting at age 6. My abuse continued on through my teenage years. Even as an adult, I was raped by the same man repeatedly. I started therapy a little over a year ago. Back in March, I started dating a woman I knew from my childhood. (We had been out of touch for years and randomly ran into each other, then hit it off.) The place we ran into each other at, was actually a support group for people with all kinds of "hurts, habits, and hang ups." She had been recovering from an addiction and sought our group out for support. She soon asked why I attended, so I briefly told her I was sexually abused as a child. I left it at that. Little did I know we would soon begin to date. During our first sexual experience together, I began to have triggers and had to stop. She was curious as to why I reacted as I had and so she began to ask questions. I told her I wasn't comfortable talking about it, but she kept pushing. I stood my ground anyway and ended up leaving. I asked my therapist during the next session, "Should I have told her? What should I have said? How much does she need to know?" My therapist let me know quickly that it was completely up to me when and what I told her. She told me I didn't have to say anything to anyone, ever, if I didn't want to. I felt guilty, though, because I felt my girlfriend deserved an explanation. However, I also felt like she shouldn't pressure me into saying something I wasn't ready to tell her about just yet. I know this situation is different than yours, but my point is... You have to go with how you feel. If you want to tell her, then I would. Start off slow and see how she responds. Remember, it could be hard for her to hear (and it probably will be) because she cares about you. I do agree that you may want to take a look at why you want to tell her. I have shared my entire experience with only one other person besides my therapist. That was my closest friend. I told her because I wanted her to understand me and where I was coming from when I reacted certain ways. You may feel the same about your situation with your girlfriend. Or you may be wanting someone to share with. Really look at it. You may find that a therapist is a good idea. That was one main reason I started therapy. I wanted to tell every detail and get it all out, but didn't want to burden someone else with it. Then after telling my therapist, that's when I felt like my best friend should know. Actually, instead of telling her face to face, I asked her if I could write it down and let her read it. This was easier for me and it also gave her time to process it without sort of being "put on the spot" so to speak. I hope my thoughts weren't too jumbled and I hope this helped a little.

 

I'd either tell her bit by bit nonchalantly, or wait until she started opening up with her secrets or when the mood was right and just go all out. I'm sure she wants to know about the girl she loves, no matter what the subject.