I cut myself for the first time last night. I know it's bad but honestly I don't want to stop. Bah, I have no idea what to do!
Hi there (*hug*), I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad you're feeling the need to cut. I know the feeling, I have been there too. And I understand that you don't want to stop, for now. You cut for the first time and the sense of relief cutting can provide from now exceeds the issues that are coming with it. The problem is that cutting (and self-harming in general) is a very addictive behavior. Once you've started to cut to cope with your issues, that becomes quite quickly the only way to cope with your issues. And the more you cut, the more you need to do it again and before you know it, cutting becomes another issue on tops of the ones you already have. The thing you really need to do is to get help to learn how to cope with your problems a healthier way. That is something counseling or therapy can truly help you with. The other things to do, when the urges of cutting are kicking in is not to stay alone : call a friend, or your family, or a helpline, anyone who can listen to you and stay with you long enough for the urges to go away. Another thing you can do is to do some sport (running, punching on a punching ball, jumping with a skipping rope... whatever) it can help you release the anger and tension and will help your body to produce endorphins that are kind of a natural anti-depressant that will help your mood to lift. You can also do some artistic activities that you like : drawing, painting, playing music... whatever would help you to express your pain and frustration without hurting yourself. You don't have to be good at it, you just have to find your outlet. I used to destroy most of the drawing and writing I was "producing" when I was having cutting urges. The fact to put all that anger and sadness out there and then to get rid of it, that was somehow cathartic. Last but not least, there are a few tips that can help you deal with the cutting urges : drawing with red ink on the places you want to cut slapping a rubber band on your wrist or ankles taking a cold shower and staying there for 5 min clutching ice with bare hands.... Every cutter has their tricks, you just have to find what's working for you. Mine were to tear apart paper in the smallest pieces possible, to color every little squares of a school paper sheet each a different color and to sleep with gloves to prevent myself from scratching my skin until I bleed. If you ever feel like talking about it, you're welcome to PM me or any advisor you're feel ing comfortable with anytime. Take care, Cécile
I have cut myself, did it for a couple years and really bad when I first joined EC. For me, I tried to examine part of the reasons why I did so. Part of it was being gay, yes, and I didn't like that, and part of me still does not. But part of it was feeling lonely. Another part was I was unhappy with my body. I finally decided what can I do about these things, to improve, to not feel so worthless. For one, I joined a gym and work out everyday, and my general mood improved a lot. Second, I attempt to be more social for those around me, this is still a work in progress but I am trying to talk to more people and be honest about what I am feeling. And third, I just decided I can't fight being gay so I need to start learning to be comfortable with it. I guess I just approached the problem logically and was determined to solve it. Part of this was because I hit what I believe to be a rock bottom when I tried to kill myself by slicing my throat. But at the end of the day, your life has value. Someone cares what is happening to you. Someone wants it to stop. Talk to someone, anyone, before you continue to hurt yourself. Don't hit a rock bottom like I did.
i think there's quite a risk you're gonna end up much worse of if you get into the habit of doing that... isn't there anything else you'd rather do to feel better?
Honey, you gotta go see a therapist. Cutting is just awful for you. Not only it's destroying your body (because that's what it is), but you're not solving the problem... actually, you're giving yourself more trouble by doing this.
I totally understand where you are, and the reason for wanting to cut yourself is that it causes the release of endorphins - neurochemicals that make you quite literally feel better. With that being said, cutting is unhealthy, and it often stems from depression. In turn, depression can be caused - even subsconsciously without you being actively aware of it - doubting your sexuality and/or sexual orientation and/or gender identity. I would very much recommend that you seek medical advice from a psychiatrist. I personally don't feel jumping to therapy is what you should immediately do - the psychiatrist may feel upon hearing the details of your case that a combination of therapy and medication may help more, I don't know. In either case, you need to find a professional and sort things out. We'll all be rooting for you here (*hug*)
Once you start its really hard to stop. I feel ya, I've been there. But everyone has their ways of preventing it from happening, and alternative releases when the urge comes up again. What I've found works really well as a release for me is what I've come to call 'snapping bands' which is exactly what it is. I keep a small, regular rubber band around my wrist ALWAYS. Every time I feel the urge, I pull it back and let go. The little marks fade quickly, draws no blood, doesn't scar. Another friend of mine balls up his fists tight enough for his nails to leave little dents in his palms. Again, alternatives- not solutions. I see a therapist weekly for that. The best thing is to attempt to take control of these feelings early. Getting help as soon as you can. Finding out the reasons behind the emotional pain... Really hope this helps, I'm here if you want to talk, or PM me. You're not alone, stay strong. (*hug*)
Cutting is a hole that u don't want to be in or any where near. Get out fast or you'll lose yourself like I did. This can become an addiction. Stop.
Please don't cut. It can become a addiction. Plus it not worth it. I almost died 2 years from cutting. I'm cut free for almost three years. Don't ruin yourself with the scars that cutting causes. Cutting will not making you feel better you will feel worst
