I'm scared of contracting HIV at some point in my life. It's preventing me from moving forward as a gay man. I had a risky encounter 4 months ago where there was around 5 seconds of insertion (I was the top), it went partially in and then straight out once I came to my senses. I'm 19, he was 31. He wasnt some kind of sexual predator, in fact I led him on and afterwards I spoke of my worry of HIV and he assured me he was clean, gave me almost some kind of sex ed lesson (he's a science teacher). I still plan to get tested anyway for peace of mind at the 6 month mark, and i realize my chances are small, but I cant help but be scared of the prospect of one day being diagnosed with it. It's taking over my life. Can anyone advise me? Does anyone else have an irrational fear of the virus?
Not that irrational. That sounds kind of on the same level of being a germaphobe--the real kind, not the people who joke about it. Remember your condoms. If you can't feel safe hooking up, it's perfectly okay to wait until you're in a committed relationship for sex. Get in the relationship, wait a few months, both of you get tested before you have sex, and use condoms anyways. My uncle, who had AIDS (he got it before they had drugs to keep HIV from progressing) lectured my mom once that she and dad should be using condoms every time even though they were married. She thought that was silly, but you can do it if it makes you feel safe. Some partners might consider it a lack of trust, however.
I don’t know where you are in the world thus I don’t know if different countries have different tests (I dunno) but you can get tested 3 months in. So, go get tested now if you want- but honestly, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I honestly have intense paranoia about EVERYTHING. When I was a kid (before I even knew I was LGBT) I picked up a toy I found on the street from McDonald’s and after playing with it for some time I asked myself “OMGsh! What if this toy has blood on it!? OMGsh, I think I could have contracted a disease like the AIDS”. Now, looking back on that (I’m 23 now) I realize how OVERLY paranoid I was. I still am paranoid of many things but I’m trying to get over it. The thing that got me was the fact that my mind went STRAIGHT to death thoughts as a kid. How did I even know what the Hell AIDS was? I looked deeper and I think I went to that thought because I wanted to make myself feel guilty for taking a toy I found on the street thus inadvertently “stealing” some other kid’s missing toy. Now, what I’m saying to you is that perhaps there is some deep rooted fear you have to get to in order to move on. Am I one to talk? That’s debatable but the fact is I’m trying. I do have irrational fears ESPECIALLY about HIV/AIDS/and other STIs being a LGBT individual. I met a REALLY great guy and I wanted to ask him out but I decided not to because he’s an immunology student who specializes in HIV and AIDS. I decided not to ask him out because I was scared that him even just WORKING on HIV was too intense a fear to deal with. How can I date a man who goes to a lab and WORKS with HIV? No. Now, deep down I know how silly that is- but I know myself well enough to know I am in NO way ready mentally to deal with it. But my fear also made me NOT ask him out thus I probably missed out. I even met a man who has HIV and my first thought was “DON’T SHAKE HIS HAND”, well, when I heard myself say that to myself I PURPOSELY outsretched my hand and shook his proudly. It’s all about coming to terms and knowing what is risky and what is not. Hand shakes and dates are not. Now, risky; Unprotected sex is risky BUT from what you told me I DOUBT you have anything to be worried about. I also think it deals with the fact you were with a 31 year old and you’re still a teen. My point is as a 30-something he’s had WAY more (presumably) experience that you have ever had. He’s had sex longer than you can remember. You’re inexperienced and that scares you about the possibilities out there. He’s grown a thick skin with his experience- you have yet to get there. But as you get there USE YOUR HEAD AND USE A CONDOM! I went out on my first date ever and the guy asked me to sit on his bare cock! 1) I asked him if he had protection and 2) EVEN IF THAT FUCKASS HAD A CONDOM, I WOULD NEVER HAVE GONE DOWN ON HIS PENCIL PRICK, ON A FIRST DATE! I SIR, AM A TRUE GENTLEMEN AND DOESN’T FUCK EVERYTHING THAT WALKS! LOL! But honestly, nothing is sexier than a man who uses protection and nothing can EVER buy peace of mind (trust me). Although as a young man my hormones RAGE constantly, I rather wait to be in a serious relationship before I ever make love. And even when I decide to do so I would want to go with my love (whether male or female) and get tested together to ensure to one another we were healthy and STILL I would use a condom! You’ll be fine.
Tell me about it, I have been paranoid for the past couple weeks. All I did was oral sex and receptive sex with a condom for 1-2 minutes. I am terrified and showing some symptoms. Never been this scared in my life. Not sure if I can ever go back into it. I am having anxiety attacks left & right. I understand 100%, these have gone from the best to worst days of my life... And I only started a gay relationship at the beginning of October.
sounds like me too! i haven't had sex in a year and a half, just oral once this summer. im just gonna be safe and wait for a committed relationship. its always good to be careful than not.
You sound just like, all I've done is oral and I find myself worrying about this constantly and finding reasons why I might have gotten HIV. I can't imagine how bad my anxiety would be right now if I wasn't on anti-anxieties.
Yeah but I also had protected sex for a couple minutes, though I am not sure the condom was on right, though I verified it still was on at the end... we stopped early. I've had a sore throat for two days few weeks ago, and still have persistent loose stools which for a couple days was definitely diarrhea... though it all began when I ate these sugar free cookies with Maltitol (8 of them). I've found others who suffered for a couple weeks or so from the same brand of cookies, but it's just so coincidental (i hope) it started at the same time. I am scared more then ever, wheeziness in my stomach today.. I even developed a hardly noticeable but small canker sore! What's killing me is that I am not sure I had a fever (never had sore muscles or aches) but did have dehydration and felt so hot one night, the I had sweats. Its terrible, because there is a possible explanation for everything but these are also related to HIV! Somehow I feel doomed. Could be anxiety but don't you think its justified? Think I read about 1000 posts thru Medical sights of people who share the same concern. ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2012 at 04:17 PM ---------- My paranoia goes away and then comes back. The person I was with swears to the fact he does not have HIV and knows; he knows because in 2010 before he came to Canada he had to get a medical test (this is true, for permanent residency - he is a nurse). For the past two years all he claims to have done (and I grilled him) was oral sex once. This has been consistent since I met him online, he said that he has "not had sex for two-years." I can only hope he telling the truth. I'd have to have a serious case of bad luck to catch it, but I have no idea what else could cause loose stools for almost a month now, I met him in October and this activity probably started at the end of the month around Halloween. I did eat those cookies, but now I have read that diarrhea is a 32% prevalent symptom in ARS - though diarrhea constitutes 3 times a day of loose watery stools, I did have that when it first started... but it became better after the first few days. Could hear my stomach rumbling and bubbling. It was not really good. So scared, but Tuesday we are going to get tested. My hair may turn grey before then.
