Anorexia and bulimia

Hi Isabelle,

First, (*hug*) Eating disorders. They suck.

Anorexia and bulimia tend to be chronic conditions, so flare-ups are to be expected. Don't think of it as any weakness or defect in yourself that you're having these urges. There are a few strategies that I've found helpful in dealing with these kinds of thoughts, so take anything from them that sounds good to you:

If at all possible, reach out to a friend or family member. Get them to talk you down from the urge. As much as possible, make sure that someone stays with you during meals and for a little while afterwards to see to it that everything is ok. A support network that's involved in your daily life is key.

If these urges are becoming really common, it would also be a really good idea to see a counselor specifically trained to handle eating disorders. Successfully coping with diseases and feelings like these is most definitely not intuitive, and they can help you with that.

When the urges come up, think long-term. You've seen this movie before. You know how it ends. Don't let the eating disorder trick you into believing that you'll be able to control things this time, that maybe we just need to lose a few pounds here or a few pounds there and let that be it, and that everything will be wonderful if you just start catering to its demands again.

Be kind to yourself and your body. If the feelings aren't too overwhelming, distract yourself with your favorite book, movie, or activity. Go for a walk. Take some deep breaths. Meditate. Do whatever helps you relax. Anxiety and fear are at the root of these disorders, and rebounding to a calm state is job 1. In the most twisted of ways, the ED part of your brain believes it is trying to help and protect you. But you can't be afraid of what the eating disorder is afraid of anymore.

Put your hand over your heart. Feel it beating. Know that anything pleasing and joyful you've experienced has only been because of the life your body gives you. It does so many beautiful things for you, and it's a kickass piece of work exactly the way it is. There came a point when I actually burst into tears thinking of how much pain I had put my body through.

Think of recovery as a daily process, not a lifelong war in which you will need to be constantly policing your brain's urge to starve and purge. Anyone would shrink from the scope of that task. Just try to make it through today without caving in. Reward yourself when you do. Learn to recognize your triggers and high-risk situations and avoid them like the plague.

And finally, if you do relapse, don't beat yourself up for it. Recovery is hard because change of any kind is hard, and you are attempting to make DRAMATIC changes to what your life was like before. On top of that, you have a whole lifetime's worth of cultural indoctrination that thinness is desirable and that successful, happy people are constantly dieting and losing weight. Just learn from that experience what you can and try to prevent the same situation from duplicating itself. It's an ugly process, but you can (and will, I think) make it through this (*hug*)

 

*hugs* I've been there in my past as well.

I have learned that by exercising, I feel powerful. By feeding my body the nutrients it needs (proper whole grains, lean meats, veggies, fruits and dairy etc), I fele really good about myself. If I do get the urges to do horrible things, I try calling a friend up, writing about it. And if I find I am exercising too much, I FORCE myself to enjoy something that is not necessarily good for me, but good for my taste buds (like a bit of icecream) to remind myself that it's ok.

 

This shit is absolutely difficult, I still struggle with thoughts every single day of my life. As much as my brain tells me I don't want to, telling someone in your life that you are struggling can help. just someone who has the time or attention to keep track of what your doing a little more closely without force feeding you beyond what your comfortable eating.

working out is another thing I do that makes me more comfortable eating a healthy amount. For some it is triggering to work out because they combined fasting with working out. But if it doesn't make you feel more like going back to old ways, then I say it is a great thing to go for and a good center to build up your self body image

<3 <3 best of luck, I know it's hard

 

I get the same feelings. I'm overweight now too and I think that makes a difference, I find my mind going to places like "I did it before, I can get there again" or "all I need to do is restrict long enough to stop being overweight, or until my tummy is flat again, etc"

I'm not pro ana pro mia or anything either, but a tiny part of my mind tells me that they are tools to be happy with myself, even though I know it is very very wrong, and can only possibly lead to my death or serious health problems.

Those are the facts I try to keep in my head above all those nasty little whispers. It can only lead to my death or serious health problems.

 

Hang in there (*hug*) Remember: one day at a time. Just make it through today.