I have no problem getting hard watching porn but I have a new boyfriend and I cant stay hard with him! This has never happened before.
It would be helpful to have a little more information. How old are you? Is he your first sexual partner? Do you think it could be nerves?
Thirding the request for more information. I have a few targeted questions as well: (1) How long ago was it that you had a sexual partner? (2) What was your porn use like during the period between your two most recent partners? How frequently have you viewed it? I ask because it's a pretty common thing for men to experience ED as a result of excessive porn use. Overdoing it with the porn can jam the brain's reward circuit and make it so that you only respond to the stimuli and novelty of porn as opposed to the sensations associated with real-life sexual experiences. If you've been using a lot of porn in the period between sexual partners, that could be the cause.
We get a couple of questions about this very same scenario- usually in the anon forum- where someone has no trouble jacking off alone to porn but when they're with another person (particularly a new boyfriend), their penis refuses to participate in the fun. There's a few common themes in the situation: The use of porn along with masturbation on a regular basis instead of sex with a partner. New partner - someone that they have just started being intimate with. Anxiety and frustration about the situation, which makes it worse. There's nothing wrong with porn or masturbation however when it's used habitually as a replacement for sex with another person, it does create a scenario where sex with another person makes it tough to replicate what you've become accustomed to. When you're with someone new, there is a lot of uncertainty- about sex and about your feelings toward the other person. It's especially difficult when things have moved quickly and you find yourself in a sexual situation without any mental preparation. The most common theme in the situation is psychological anxiety and uncertainty- which gets worse after the penis decides to be shy. There's suggestions in these threads that may help: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/50887-whats-up-my-dick.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/46761-conditional-erections.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/health-well-being/76709-i-cant-get-erection-my-new-boyfriend.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/health-well-being/73856-ejaculation-problems.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/health-well-being/23512-having-problems.html http://emptyclosets.com/forum/health-well-being/20814-not-able-stay-hard.html
Being me, and I'm not trying to stroke my ego or anything, I've always had complete control over my erection. What I've noticed is, that it's entirely mood and thought- based. Nothing more. If you're nervous, anxious or whatever, it's harder to get one, but when you're relaxed, or happy, it's way easier. I would suggest, at least in my mind, try to cuddle before, or perhaps foreplay? Maybe even do something fun before the deed, so that you're in a relaxed and happy mood when the situation arises. There is also the possibility you just need to stop thinking about it too much, and just go with what feels right, and the flow. Things like these usually work out in the end, I would think. /Mvh John
