1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Fear of Sex?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by teluphone, Dec 11, 2012.

  1. teluphone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2012
    Messages:
    284
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Singapore
    For many years during high school and middle school, all those sex education talks/videos kinda warped my mind about having sex with anyone would result in major repercussions such as STD and unwanted pregnancy etc. Even with the imposition of safer sex practices, people have reiterated from time to time that they aren't 100% effective and bad things do happen.

    I was wondering if anyone ever felt this way about sex in general and how do you get past these pre-conceived notions and stop thinking too much about it?
     
  2. Zaio

    Zaio Guest

    Honestly, no. It never really phased me.

    You won't get any STD if you play it safe, it's just not going to happen. Schools tend to exaggerate things when it comes to STDs so you'll be overly safe and there will be no chance of contracting them. That being said, always play safe when it comes to messing around with someone you don't trust, and you should even if you do.

    All the best.
     
  3. condoms are the most effective way to have safe sex (someone once told me... dont shoot the messanger :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:). everything has its percentage of like safety (thats the wrong word i know but minds gone blank lol).... and condoms are like 99% or something like that. so i wouldnt worry too much. nothing is 100% effective though.

    if you have safe sex you more than likely wont get stds or anything. i think only bad thing happen if you arent both careful, if you are both careful nothing will happen.
     
  4. RainbowBright

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2012
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    -
    Sorry, but this is just not true. There are tons of people who can attest to this being false, condoms break, accidents happen. Having sex is a serious decision nowadays, it does always come with some risk.

    However, that does not mean it is impossible to enjoy sex or to have it without getting something. I have been sexually active for 13 years, and have never had an STD, nor did anyone I was with. The thing is, to be safest, both you and your partner need to have recent tests, and you need to pick the kind of person you can trust and then stay in good communication, even when things are bad. And you would need to use protection every time. That all together gives you a very high likelihood that you'll be fine, so you can relax knowing you've done everything you could.

    Casual sex inherently incurs a higher risk, because there is no way to know what your partner has, or to be sure you can trust them to use the protection correctly. So a lot of people choose not to have casual sex for this reason. A lot of people choose to take the risk - it is your choice.

    Sex has tons of choices. You just have to decide what choices are right for you. You can wait to be sexual until you're in a committed relationship. You can be with casual people but insist on full protection every time. Or you can have a partner you trust who is not committed, but whom you know enough to know their most recent test result and to have an understanding about protection between you. You can also choose lower-risk practices vs. high-risk ones, learn which is which if you're not sure. You are in control here, realizing that may relax you.
     
  5. Zh3sh1re

    Zh3sh1re Guest

    Well, except nuclear weapons...

    But in all seriousness, use condoms, and if you decide to go bareback, which I advise against, make sure you trust the person completely, and that you've both been tested. :icon_wink

    /Mvh John
     
  6. i need help

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2009
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Wayne, IN
  7. teluphone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2012
    Messages:
    284
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Singapore
    this clip is one of the many videos that facilitated my fear of sex *cough*....just sayin
     
  8. RainbowBright

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2012
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    -
    To my knowledge, you can't die from Chlamydia. Nor it is inevitable that you get it, merely because you have sex. That's why the clip is supposed to be funny. Perhaps it is scarier for someone who doesn't have much sex ed info prior to watching.

    For context, it's more like - "If you go to the store, you WILL get a cold, and die."
    Well, you might get a cold, especially if you don't exercise some precaution, and if you do you may need to take some medication to help you get better, but you're not too likely to die. If you saw that clip and were not a hypochondriac, then you might laugh because the joke is about the psycho saying that, not the truth of shopping killing you from cold infection.
     
  9. Zaio

    Zaio Guest

    Well what are you supposed to do if the condom breaks then? Be extra safe and wear 2? The whole condom breaking also contributes to the whole playing it safe thing, using the right kind of lube and not being "too" rough.

    I'm not sure there's a point in arguing about risks when it comes to playing it safe, of course there are risks, that's just the risk you take when you have sex. The chances of STD transmission is just so low if proper precautions are taken, so I don't see a point in worrying.

    All the best.
     
  10. RainbowBright

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2012
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    -
    You should NEVER "double up" on condoms - it makes them far more likely to break. Just be sure to use one that has not expired or was subjected to extreme temperatures like being left in a hot car. Make sure it is the right size - it should stay on by itself, and not be tight enough that it is hard to get on - if it doesn't fit well you will need to try the next size up or down. Try not to be in a rush when opening, they're not super-fragile, but sometimes people tear the package open too fast, they open them in the dark, or they put them on too fast, and don't realize they caused a tear. Lots of practice (and you don't have to be with anyone to practice opening them and putting them on) helps to have it just be a normal part of sex, so you don't stress about it.

    Note, also, condom do not protect against all STDs, you can still get things like herpes or crabs through direct contact with the area, so be aware of the person's status and don't do anything with someone who has an open sore, which should be common sense.

    Having sex with another person is like driving a car - there are certainly risks, some minor, and some serious. But if you are prepared and practice, you can become a safe driver. Does that mean you are 100% guaranteed every minute on the road that no one else will hit you? No. But most careful drivers avoid serious catastrophe in an entire lifetime of driving, and when minor things do go wrong, they are capable of handling them. It's not the end of the world. Is the risk reason enough to never drive? For most people, no.

    So having sex is the same thing as any other part of life, once you are old enough to be able to think through the risks properly and take precautions, are you the type of person who does so, or avoids life altogether? Do you drive? Do you fly in planes? Do you go swimming? Do you play sports? Do you eat junk food sometimes? Life is risky. Be sensible about it, and enjoy it. If you are have properly protected sex, then your risk is the same, and in some cases like cars even lower, than many of the other things you do every day. You don't drive a car until you have learned how. Likewise, don't have sex until you have learned how to properly use protection. Once you have, get in the seat and take it for a spin! (!)
     
  11. Zaio

    Zaio Guest

    It was sarcasm.
     
  12. KaraBulut

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1,542
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    US
    When you take driver's ed in school, the teachers spend a few days in the classroom going over driving rules, how to drive safely, along with a film about drunk driving and bad car wrecks. But then, we let them get behind the wheel in hopes that they apply what we've taught them.

    For some reason, we seem to be unable to take a similar, practical approach to sex ed. Instead, we tell teenagers everything that can go wrong and show pictures/videos that show all sorts of sores and rotting genitalia in hopes of scaring them into not having sex.

    Both driving and having sex are things that you have to do responsibly. If you can't do them responsibly, then you shouldn't be doing either one. Both come with a certain amount of risk- but it's not reasonable to expect that you won't drive and it's not reasonable to expect that you won't have sex. We just want to be responsible for your health and the health of others.
     
  13. RainbowBright

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2012
    Messages:
    188
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    -

    I agree! We don't force all new drivers to watch videos of fatal crashes - that would probably scare the crap out of many (although that is something used for those who have a DUI). In school, we learn sex ed, but I guess I'm not really sure why. I guess it started because parents were not educating their kids at home - I'm not too up on the history of it, but I think it started in the 70s. The thing is, like most other "practical" education at school, this falls far short of useful. The few efforts public schools make to teach trades, and assist in basic living skills, tend to be half-hearted and underfunded. I almost think it would be better to take it out beyond the standard science curriculum, or revamp and do a thorough job. My parents taught me basically nothing about sex - which made it much easier for my father to molest me. On the other hand, the only thing school taught me is that every single time you have sex you get pregnant - they even went so far as to tell us about cases of 6 year old girls getting pregnant from rape cases, to drive home that even in the few months before your first period you can be fertile, and also during your period, there is no safe time ever. Skip forward to the majority of my friends in their 20s and early 30s struggling for years with conceiving, but there you go...
    There was no mention of varieties in sexual practice, we never had those condom demonstrations on produce I hear about nor did they ever show us a condom, and there was never in my entire school existence a mention that sex could be pleasurable for either party. They would have you memorize the charts of male and female sex organs and you had to pass a quiz, and on the female one they had a clitoris, but they never explained what it did. It was just another scientific word to remember. There was a lot of talk of AIDS, and discussion of condoms - which I think was fair at the time because it was just becoming an epidemic and there was no real treatment then - but absolutely no mention of any other STDs. Because I got not education at home, I assumed sex always hurt, and was something that was torture for women against their will. For many of my family members, it probably was. The assumption that kids would find out for themselves without the pleasurable aspects of sex without education was false for most of the women I know.

    Anyway, the class (and I seriously doubt it is much different today in that school) was relatively useless, and did scare me. They also showed a birth video, but I was sick that day, and I heard it convinced the rest of my friends who may have been unsure that sex was the most evil and unpleasant thing ever invented... some people even threw up and fainted, boys and girls.

    So I think it depends on the school district, some seem to give informative information, but others give none, and some like mine only give a few gory details and ignore the rest. There was never any mention of sex within the context of a relationship, how it affects emotions, how to tell when you're ready, or how to navigate protection within the change of a relationship to more serious status. It also assumed that any sex ever must include a male ejaculating, there was never any mention that women had an orgasm, of lubrication, nothing. All of that actually left the girls in far more danger of contracting disease, and those of us who liked girls with far more shame and risk than we would have had with no class at all. It would have been great if we had had life skills classes about health and hygiene, relationships and communication, managing finances, etc. But on the other hand, none of that was really what public school was about, and to be honest those are things our families should have taught us in an ideal world.

    My point in all of this, is that I don't know if the OP was in a school where the classes were so terrible they were all about fear with no substance, like mine, or if it was more well-rounded but he is just a very anxious person. But I think, especially from what I have read on these forums, it is best to assume the person does not know accurate facts about the basics until they correct you, and to try to explain the risks clearly if asked directly. But given those risks, sex can be enjoyable, rewarding, part of a loving relationship or a casual encounter, and can be very healthy with the proper precautions taken up front. I don't think it's something to be feared, although all of my early experiences frightened the life out of me. I have learned that trusting myself, and my partner, is enough to make me feel safe and comfortable so I can relax and get the most out of it. For me, once I learned the truth about the actual risks, I was able to put that in context, and make appropriate decisions for myself that put my mind at ease.

    Hopefully teluphone can do the same!