My OCD struggle

As some of you know, I suffer from ocd..it's purely obsessional and it sucks..the last few weeks have been really good but today was so horrible. On top of all the usual health issues I worry about as a result of my ocd, I'm worried about some weird skin thing under my tongue that looks like this..

http://boingboing.net/2008/06/10/what-is-on-keiths-to.html

And that I may have oral lichen planus and I shouldn't drink alcohol in case it becomes cancer...

My ocd is manifesting itself as a bit of hyponcdria and its killing me...idk how to stop obsessing over my health...I'm seeing a therapist and on meds and like I said, I've been ten times better the last few weeks but when there is a hard day, it feels that much worse. So that's just my rant.

 

Thanks yea, it seems like lots of people have those things under their tongues. I'm seeing my doc jan.3 for my regular checkup so I will ask then. I just wanted to see what people said so I could enjoy Christmas. But like you said, it is about stopping myself and realizing that I'm ok. It just sucks so bad to not be in control of your thoughts.

---------- Post added 18th Dec 2012 at 03:52 AM ----------

It seems like they are just the normal frimbriae from development if the tongue and the net says its normal. But I also saw frimbriae can be a bacterial thing that leads to infections...

---------- Post added 18th Dec 2012 at 03:53 AM ----------

Fimbriae'

 

Thanks KR hey… Things have been getting better. I am taking Luvox and it seems to be working very well. I occasionally just have a really bad day. Today is better than yesterday, and even though I have been worried about the things I listed, I'm calming down. The last few days have just been plagued with crazy thoughts, like I found out that my grandfather got colon cancer when he was 40 so I have been worried that my family has some crazy genetic colon cancer gene and I need to get tested now and I'm only 24. And then I worried when my mom told me that she has cervical lesions that are not cancerous, But I worry that I should never have anal sex because I might get lesions and they don't do anal Pap smear. I worry because the ability to fight off HPV seems to be genetic Or that I already got it from putting my fingers in my butt. Boy am I crazy! I just need to live my life and whatever happens, happens. Thanks for the support! I'm sure if you actually thought I had something to worry about, you would say so! You all had EC r great!

 

Yes I hated so much. It's so hard when I'm having a bad day. And today was bad too. Stupid me googled things, and read that dangerous HPV has been found in oral lichen planus And now I'm afraid that I have dangerous HPV, and that I can't ever kiss anyone. Period. Because I will get it to that. I know it's just my ocd but it just doesn't sound stupid to me for some reason. I just want to enjoy Christmas, why won't this go away? I thought I was doing so much better. Period. And now this right before Christmas.

 

Late this evening was the worse..I got scared that this purplish bruised pimply thing was regular lichus planum and freaked out..I had a horrible panic attack! How can I calm myselfdown?? OCD sucks ! And now I'm posting like a maniac so I'm done for the night..thanks all!

 

Thanks Anthema I used to take celexa but I needed too high of a dose, and my doc said the amount I was taking could cause heart palpitations or something so I switched. Luvox seems to be working for the most part...and I know it's my OCD that is making me worry, but it seems completely rational to me that , if I have oral lichen planum, it may have dangerous hpv in it, and I will get cancer or give the hpv to someone else.

 

I just left my therapist and he made me feel better and told me I'm being irrational so I just need to keep reminding myself of that!

 

So the last day or two have been up-and-down… I found out my grandfather got colon cancer when he was 40 and that my dad has had polyps even though he's fine and doesn't have cancer, he's 54. So I got really worried that my family has some rare genetic coloncancer disorder, even though my grandpa is the only one who is ever gotten cancer. My aunt has polyps as well. But anyway… I'm trying to get over the worry and realize that I can't control life or sickness and that I just need to live and deal with whatever happens to me when it happens to me, my doctor upped my luvox dose so hopefully that will help get me back on track. I really hope that ill be fine soon and I'm going to see my general doctor in the beginning of January and I'm going to talk to her about all my worries and see what she has to say. I'm going to be fine!

 

I had a really good Christmas today I'm worried about anal Pap smears again, but I just need to keep reminding myself that nobody really gets them, especially the majority of gay men it seems (correct me if I'm wrong) ..but I upped my Luvox and I hope that works merry Christmas all!

 

Good news! Last night and today for a bit, I started worrying that I gave myself bad hpv in my butt from putting my finger in there (cuz once i read they have found bad hpv on guys fingernails) and that I may give it to others..so it is like my ethical responsibility to get an anal pap smear and tested for hpv..even though I think they only test for hpv with regular pap smears (correct me if I'm wrong) ... But that wasn't the good news lol..the good news is that I have been able to calm myself down and not have an anxiety attack...I just need to remind myself that there is nothing I can do (even though sometimes I feel like there is since anal pap smears are available somewhere), and that it is just my OCD trying to find reasons for me to worry. Here's to hoping the higher dose of Luvox is working!

 

Thanks

 

Yesterday was tough....I truly do believe this medicine is working for me, but I know it takes time to settle in. I just felt so hopeless yesterday...like how am I ever supposed to be with Anyone cuz of hpv or thinking I'm gonna get cancer n have no way of early screening. 2012 has been so hard and I wanted to be better by the new year...here's hoping there t better days ahead.

 

I've been doin better! I think my new meds are kicking in..I'm still worried about anal cancer/anal Pap smears because I have put my finger in my butt before, but I talked to my doctor and she is gonna look into it for me and said not to worry because no one really gets them. It doesn't seem like anyone on here does, either. So I'm just trying to live life and realize its on Gods hands and that I can't control sickness or get answers.

 

Edit to above: I worried about my finger because I read somewhere once that they found bad hpv on men's fingers and I worried I spread it to my butt ... Moral of story: STAY OFF GOOGLE!