I've noticed there's not yet a thread for sz. I have it, and I hope this thread can be a place of support and information for all affected by the disorder.
I'm sorry you have this. My great grand mother had this and it is not fun. But back then in the 40s and 50s and 60s they didn't know how to treat it. So what did they do? Electro-shock treatment. Woah.
i actually researched schizophrenia because someone said they had when they really didn't but it was interesting and sad. i have a book on it.
Hi there! I'm sorry to hear that. I've researched quite much about Schizophrenia and I had an "uncle" who had it. He was very sad, but when he started medication he felt much better; the symptoms where almost absent while he was taking it.
Schizophrenia is an extremely difficult thing to live with, even in mild cases or when a person just has "Tendencies." Several members of my family have schizophrenia in varying degrees, mine being the mildest among them.
I realize it wasn't directed at me, but if you like I can give you my experience as well. It's different for each person. The types and severity of hallucinations vary depending on the chemical imbalances and experiences of the person.
I would love to hear anything your willing to share Some of the questions I have, answer any your willing, don't feel obligated What was it like growing up with it? When did you first figure out you had it, how? Do you think it effects your relationship with family/friends/partners? Can you describe maybe one of the more vivid hallucinations? Why do you hallucinate?
I am very open about 99% of my life and experiences, so I have no problem answering any questions you have. 1. What was it like growing up with it? - I have pretty large gaps in my memory, and always have, so there is a possibility that I had it as a child and didn't realize it. But Schizophrenia in children prior to puberty is near impossible to diagnose. At a young age I had several "red flags" for it. I was highly intelligent, introverted, socially awkward as hell. A lesser known red flag is memory loss. I didn't have many friends as a child, preferring my own company and the characters I would make up in my head. Did they seem real to me? As real as any child's imagination is to them. 2. I was a teenager when I first realized I was having hallucinations. At 13 I took a lot of pills and I wasn't sure most of the time what I was even taking. Its been speculated that this is what triggered it. I also had panic attacks frequently as a teen. People touching me, even something as simple as a slight nudge in the back or side would send me into a panic. At 14 I began having hallucinations with my panic attacks. 4.description of hallucinations since it ties in with the previous answer. When my hallucinations are brought on by panic, they can be terrifying. Walls would melt into puddles of color and the floor would appear to move. Peoples faces would shift and contort into zombie-like images, or monsters. I've seen spiders, roaches and other insects literally appear from nowhere and fly/jump/crawl all over myself and the area around me. They're not always scary though. Now and then I'll hear someone I care about call my name, or see them somewhere completely out of place. Those are unsettling though, because they're so realistic that I begin to feel crazy because I'm not sure if they're real or not. 5. As to why I have them, triggers vary, but mostly they're brought on by panic attacks(which I rarely have anymore thankfully), sleep deprivation, and occasionally if I have a bit too much to drink. The latter two are usually less extreme and not generally unsettling. 3. does it affect my relationships with people? Not really. I have very mild episodes now and then, and they're rare enough that I don't even mention it most of the time. On the rare occasion that I am in a serious, committed relationship, I inform my partner of my condition and explain that Im not dangerous while im having a "schizy moment" as my friends used to say. My family is used to dealing with Schizophrenics, as two of my uncles and one of my aunts also have it. Im thankful every day that my condition isn't as severe as theirs.
I want to be very, very careful with what I am about to suggest, because I don't want to cause problems where none may exist. But, many severe mental illnesses are actually caused by childhood sexual abuse or other severe abuse. That is not by any means to say that all cases are caused by this, just that many are. There is some level of chemical susceptibility in some families, and then you add the abuse onto it and it starts. Many times the abuse is caused by a relative who is already mentally ill, and passes the cycle on essentially. I thought of this because you mention not having much memory of your childhood, which is a red flag for people who went through severe abuse, and also your panic attacks around people touching you. And you were involved in taking a lot of random pills at a very young age, which is a destructive and unusual thing to do - drug use and self-destruction are other red flags for child abuse survivors. Now, please, do not let me get you upset thinking maybe something happened to you if you don't think it did. Listen to your instincts and believe they are right, you would know better than anyone. However, I'm just asking, have you seen any reason to think perhaps you were abused as a child? Whether or not this would be the cause of your schizophrenia, it would be a good thing to know and address, as it would most certainly make it worse if something did happen and you have never had any help for it. Also, if the person/people who hurt you were still in your life, it would be important to know so you can be safe. Please don't make up scenarios in your head that you can't trust the people you know, I am only saying if you already don't trust them, and are perhaps angry with yourself about not trusting them or interacting with them, it would help to understand why - this is the kind of stress that can cause a person to become mentally ill, because they can't handle the guilt and shame and blaming themselves for getting hurt among people they should be able to trust. Sometimes children tell themselves they must have imagined it or it must be their fault, because everybody else is acting like it's all fine when it's definitely not fine, and this causes them to lose touch with what is reality and what is not because reality doesn't really mean anything anymore. It is especially hard if you're in a family that is so used to mental illness they don't really know what healthy should look like. So as I said, I don't want to cause a problem that didn't exist before. But if you already suspected this, I just want you to know that it's common, and that there is a lot of help out there if this is the case. Either way, it doesn't sound like you were in a great situation if you were popping a lot of pills at 13, that could not have been the start of your problems in life, because you have to have some kind of problem going on to want to do that. If you are taking medication, you really shouldn't be drinking at all, it is really dangerous to mix psychotropics or anti-anxiety meds and alcohol. You should definitely try hard to keep to a regular sleep schedule, since messing with it can be a trigger for a lot of people. It's great that you seem to be coping well, and that you say the panic attacks are not as common. Hopefully it will continue to be less and less of a concern for you.
I'm going to make this bit simple, just because I'd rather spare the internet the details, but suffice it to say that I had a very difficult childhood. I went through a lot of things that no child should have to go through for a number of years, and there's a high liklihood that those traumas helped induce my condition. Schizophrenia rarely develops independently. There is usually a spark somewhere that ignites it. I'm fairly lucky in that my case is very mild and manageable without medication. I have a strong will and I refused to be medicated once I figured out what was happening. Most Schizophrenia meds slow you down a lot. My uncles and my aunt are all pretty much zombies when they're on their meds. I didn't want to be that. I went through various phases in my teen years where I felt like a victim, and those years were very rough for me. To block out the memories and feelings of guilt, anger, hatred, I turned to drugs. In a town like the one I lived in, drugs were easy to get. I also came out as a lesbian that year, and my fellow students were pretty much the terror that everyone fears when coming out. I was physically hurt on multiple occasions, death threats in my locker, rape threats. It was a really bad year for me. I'm actually kind of thankful that I was using so much that year, because if I had been sober I think that experience might have pushed me over the edge. But, I survived, and with a few ups and downs along the way, I've led a relatively normal life. I have friends, family who care about me. Ive had relationships with some amazing women who each have taught me a lot about life and love. I'm happy to be here, and to be alive. I have no regrets about my life, and if I were to die this very evening, I would be able to die happy because I've done the best I can with the time I've had. My life has been a far cry from perfect, but I love it and all its imperfections.
No problem I have no problems sharing my experiences with others, especially if hearing my stories helps them in some way, even if its just informing them of something they will never truly know.
I'm glad I didn't catch you off guard with my post. I too went through a horrific childhood, and it led to being diagnosed bipolar/schizoaffective (between bipolar and schizophrenia). I did find medications helpful - particularly anti-anxieties and anti-psychotics, which had no side effects and could be taken only as needed - as I worked through the PTSD. You should know, too, that medications have been revolutionized since the days when your relatives were diagnosed, and if you were to get a very good psychiatrist if you ever felt the need, you could get help in choosing the most minimal medication needed to help you at the lowest dosage effective. The days of the zombie are over. They are coming up with new medications and new classes of medication all the time, that are more effective and less invasive. For my own journey, I found that I needed to get far away from the family who caused all this trauma and leave them behind for good, as well as cut the people out of my life I chose as an adult that became abusive (because I did not start off with knowledge of how to pick supportive people). Removing the abusive and replacing it with people and activities that supported my needs took a lot of work and a number of years, but it was really worth it, and I consider myself in "bipolar remission" (not really a term) today. I have had no major swings, no psychotic episodes, or hallucinations, really no difficulty at all with mental health and no medication, for quite a few years now. I like to think that is an issue of the past, although I do still struggle with the PTSD from time to time from newer traumatic events. I seem to only be triggered by extreme stress, so I had to work on creating a life that is not so stressful, choosing better people who don't cause drama, practicing daily stress management, working on my yoga daily, getting regular sleep and healthy foods - all the things that keep me even and relaxed. It is possible, even from a traumatic beginning, to live a happy and fulfilling life. It just takes work to recognize and deal with what happened so you can stop the cycle in your own life and not pass it on to a new generation.
