Heheh. Haven't been on here in forever, but I remember the resident health helpers, and I thought I'd ask. My boyfriend has never had an orgasm during sex before, he never gets turned on enough. Medical tests showed that everything was in order and functional, and indeed he sometimes has wet dreams, but nothing at all if he's awake. It's important to him and I'd like to help. So is there anything out there that can increase arousal? Erection isn't the problem, but just being aroused enough to ejaculate.
Assuming that he's not on anti-depressants or other meds that tend to inhibit ejaculation... The question for the both of you is whether it's that you want him to have an orgasm during sex or whether you both just want to be there when he does? There are some guys who just can't relax and let go to the point where they can have an orgasm when there's another person there. In those cases, it just makes sense for him to finish the way he does when he's jacking-off alone. You can lend a helping hand or that's still too much, you can sit behind him with your arms around him or spoon together and give him a big kiss. As he gets more comfortable with that, continue to try to increase your participation over time. The point of sex is to get off. There's no requirements about where/when/how. Sometimes the pressure that we put on guys to stay hard and to come at the right time isn't worth the stress and it just makes it more difficult.
Oh, there's no stress at all, we've been happily together for a couple of years now, and I have no complaints. What's sadface about it is that I think it bothers him, and he makes out to be an important thing It's just never happened for him with anyone, and it doesn't happen with masturbation either. He's told me that he thought maybe the right person out there might "unlock" it. But, :/ I'm not sure that will happen. If it did, that would be great, and if not, I'm not sure what else there is.
My ex and I had the same problem, except I was your boyfriend. I haven't really solved the problem yet. And I understand why he feels bad even though you don't. Like yourself, my ex was supportive and basically said he didn't care that I could never get off with him. But it ate at me all the time. If he can masturbate by himself I would suggest trying to masturbate with you in the room, even if he has to look at porn the whole time and ignore you. Insist on it even. I never wanted to because I thought it was a crutch but we tried it a few times, ironically after we broke up. It definitely relieved a little bit of the pressure knowing that I could at least get off with another person in the room. Next I am going to try prostate stimulation with him, with a toy. There has to be no pressure to get off, it has to merely be all experimentation, in my mind at least. Once you are "making love" there is pressure to get off to complete the interaction and please your partner and once the pressure is there everything falls apart. My plan is to basically take baby steps in getting more comfortable with sex and really explore and hopefully find things that turn me on. I was also a heavy, heavy porn user so its very possible that affected me during sex. I don't know if your bf uses lots of porn but it might be something to ask about. Right now I am trying to give it up. Another reason could be that he is potentially asexual. I am dealing with this right now, but am very hostile to the idea and hope that it isn't the case. Being able to get off by yourself through fantasy does not preclude asexuality or at least a very low sex drive/attraction to other people.
Just to make sure I'm clear- he's unable to come from masturbation when he's alone? Or just unable to come from masturbation when there's someone else there?
