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I stop eating when Im upset

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013.

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  1. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    My ex moved out a few days ago and I had some kind of stomach bug that night and projectile vomited all night. This made me lose my appetite. It hasnt returned though. It feels good not to eat when Im depressed. Im sleeping basically all the time Im not in class now and eating maybe one meal a day.

    I had an eating disorder as a teen and now almost want it to return. Ive also become obsessed with "acting perfect". I watch videos about Mormonism (of all things) and how perfect the women's hair and clothes are, how they follow rules perfectly, etc. Since Ive been told I have a bad attitude by almost everyone in my life I want to transform into one of those women.

    I also dont even know if Im gay anymore or if I was fooling myself.
     
    #1 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
  2. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    Im also not drinking much water and letting myself get super dehydrated. I have no hunger or thirst signals anymore.
     
    #2 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
  3. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    God Im so fucking stupid. Dont even care that Im talking to myself. Probably breaking some rule posting over and over again and I dont care cos my accounts gonna be deleted soon anyways. Im such a piece of shit.
     
    #3 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
  4. myheartincheck

    myheartincheck
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    You're NOT a piece of shit!!!

    I get the same way when I'm depressed. I get so lethargic and hate eating. You should try eating little snacks throughout the day though at least...? I call it "grazing." Why have you stopped going to school honey?
     
    #4 myheartincheck, Jan 9, 2013
  5. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    Im still going to school just not doing anything else. I meant, Im sleeping WHEN Im not in class.

    I was reading an article about a lady who had cancer and killed herself by not eating or drinking. I dont think Im suicidal but it did get me thinking.
     
    #5 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2013
  6. myheartincheck

    myheartincheck
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    Why do you feel like you have to compete with her?
     
    #6 myheartincheck, Jan 9, 2013
  7. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    haha glad you read that before i deleted it.

    Im so paranoid someones gonna find out who I am :frowning2: so I cant talk about it too much
     
    #7 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2013
  8. madi

    madi
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    I also don't eat when I'm depressed.I just lose my appetite, but what's going on with you is very concerning. I'm sure many of us here on EC would love to talk to you about what is making you feel this way. Don't lose hope sweetie I'll talk to you if you need somebody!
    (*hug*)
     
    #8 madi, Jan 9, 2013
  9. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    Well one thing is, I hate how angry I am all the time because all I am doing is being a "stereotypical man hating lesbian". I HATE HATE HATE that Im a stereotype. I would do anything to be a demure, skinny, delicate, unopinionated little girl who wears a size 0 and loves doing housework.

    It wasnt so bad when I thought I was straight, but now I think Im gay I hate it.
     
    #9 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
  10. myheartincheck

    myheartincheck
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    I sure did! Heehee.

    It sounds to me like you're very talented in your own right. The only way you can be better is (I know it's cliche...) if you do YOUR best. You can't focus on others because, let's face it, there's always going to be someone bigger, better at something, stronger, prettier, whatever. That's ok though. We all have our own talents and skills.

    Her way of showing her faith is also different than yours and that's ok. You don't have to help Granny give out cookies on the Church picnics every Sunday in your floral dress to show respect to your Higher Power.

    I think you need a healthier respect for your body and yourself as a person. She has nothing that you don't, maybe just more of it, but that's ok. Again, there will always be someone with more so we have to focus on ourselves.

    Honestly, I like people who are talented but don't get as much credit, because they're not doing it for the fame or fortune, but because they enjoy it or want to.

    I'm sure someone wishes they had your talents.     :slight_smile:
     
    #10 myheartincheck, Jan 9, 2013
  11. madi

    madi
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    yeah I also fear that I am going to turn into a "man-hating bisexual" because of some bad experiences I am kind of a "man-hater" at the moment, but I'm sure that will pass with time and healing. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. It can be hard coming to terms with and even just figuring out whether you are gay. I know you must be feeling crappy about yourself and a lot of us do, but please don't do anything that you will regret or make things worse. An eating disorder will only add one more thing to your plate "no pun intended" to deal with. and listen to "myheartincheck" she is a smart lady and everything she says is spot on. I don't even know you two but I just want to give you both a huge hug. (&&&)
     
    #11 madi, Jan 9, 2013
  12. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    haha thanks.

    Im not actually religious, just wish I was. Theres too much hypocrisy in religion. It just cant work for me. Even as a child in a Fundamentalist school I was constantly questioning it. When I was 10 I made up my own version of spirituality based on nature and honoring both dark and light sides of things, which my teachers couldnt stand.

    It looks so fun and safe to be religious though, and people respect you for it.

    ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2013 at 10:33 PM ----------

    haha, ya I dont want to hate men. My best friend is a man. More men than women have been kind to me in my life. Unfortunately I have also been hurt terribly by men. And I cant stand sexism and inequality, so that makes me kind of a stereotype.
     
    #12 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
  13. myheartincheck

    myheartincheck
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    Who among us hasn't has a "man-hating" stage? I'm sure straight women go through that too right? Right...? LoL

    I agree with Madi! Maybe you should see a counselor since you've had an eating disorder in the past. Awww schucks Madi! Teehee! You're too kind!     :icon_redf

    ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2013 at 10:36 PM ----------
    If you're not religious, that's ok too. Just be true to yourself. There is alot of hypocrisy in church. I believe God is much more accepting than the church or the people in it. (*hug*)
     
    #13 myheartincheck, Jan 9, 2013
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2013
  14. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    I doubt I can get a full blown eating disorder again too, Im just remembering how brainwashed I was as a teen. I had such low self esteem I was the kind of girl who enjoyed getting street harrasment because I thought that meant I was good looking and "thin enough". I find that almost impossible to believe now. And this was less than 10 years ago.
     
    #14 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
  15. myheartincheck

    myheartincheck
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    People change alot in 10 years, and I think for the better in this case. :slight_smile:
     
    #15 myheartincheck, Jan 9, 2013
  16. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    Haha thanks to you guys Im now eating a Subway Steak and Cheese! Relapse averted! :slight_smile:*hugs*
     
    #16 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
  17. myheartincheck

    myheartincheck
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    YAAAAAAY!!!!! (*hug*)

    Show that sammich who's boss giiirl! :grin:
     
    #17 myheartincheck, Jan 9, 2013
  18. redstormrising

    redstormrising
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    excellent! (and delicious!) i have a long, unpleasant history with an ED as well, and i still find myself not eating (sometimes not even intentionally) when i'm stressed out. i think it's just something we'll always have to look out for. when you think back to how awful things were then, it's usually good incentive to not risk it again. one thing's for sure, it can only make things worse, never better
     
    #18 redstormrising, Jan 9, 2013
  19. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    @redstormrising ya its weird how the ED switch gets flipped. Almost like those spies you see on spy movies that have trigger words to self destruct implanted during their training.
     
    #19 tapsilog2012, Jan 9, 2013
  20. FranklinK

    FranklinK
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    I do the same thing. When I get super upset I start tossing my cookies everywhere and when I have even an ounce of stress in my life I stop eating, drinking water, and sleeping. It's weird, but I totally understand.

    But, since you realize it you can make yourself eat and drink. That's what I do.
     
    #20 FranklinK, Jan 10, 2013
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