Feel less depressed now I have turned off my “Gaydar Jammer”

At the age of 52, after a long and confusing struggle, I have recently accepted that I’m gay and come out to myself but I still have a long journey ahead of me since I’m married and not yet out to my wife. :icon_sad:

During my confused state I had been aware of that “special look” you sometimes get from a stranger passing you in the street but I never responded, it’s was though I had a built in “Gaydar Jammer”. Since I have come out to myself I have switched off my jammer and now respond to these looks with a knowing glance or smile.

I now get a warm feeling whenever this happens knowing that “he knows - that I know – that he knows” and it’s made me feel so much better and confident about myself.

So if you are still closeted and think you have a “Gaydar Jammer” try turning it off for a while and see how much better it makes you feel. :icon_bigg

 

Hi folks, thanks for the replies.

Bingostring: Yes it’s a tantalising journey, I feel like a teenager all over again, but as far as looking back goes I don’t want to do that until I have resolved things with my wife in case it takes me somewhere where I shouldn’t, but might want to, go.

Shadowsetter : It’s a difficult one, in some respects we have a somewhat unusual relationship with me sometimes living and working in other countries only seeing my wife at the weekends, and my wife is not at all intimate any more and I don’t think she would want a typical straight man with his demands for regular sex.

I think if I had gay experiences / thoughts before I was married then she would feel as though our entire marriage was a lie or pretence and be very angry, but since that’s not the case I would hope she would be more understanding.

I really think that we are in a “Don’t ask – don’t tell” situation with each of us afraid to rock the boat … but I could be completely wrong. She has never asked me directly if I am or had been gay, but sometimes when watching TV with a gay theme she has asked me to explain gay terminoligy e.g. "what a versatile top" … as though it was something all straight guys should know the answer to!

Coming to think of it I once suggested we try anal sex and she was very clear she did not want this and said ”If you want that then go and find a man who wants to take it up the arse” .. If only I had said OK then I’ll be back later..